Georgetowner •

As the mid-August heat grows muggy and yellow, the long days sputtering the unassuming masses to a heat-induced, midday standstill, a familiar shudder runs through the collective spine of the District. In the throes of the year’s most relentless barrage of heat and humidity, Washingtonians have learned to intuit the swansong of a long, scorching summer.

In avoiding the grueling heat and saving our business attire from embarrassing sweat stains, it becomes easy to dismiss the last weeks of summer, to forget the bursting anticipation that comes upon us in mid-April at the end of a gray winter. It is high time to focus our energy and relish in the closing month of engrossing sunlight, of beaches and sunscreen and barbecues and swimming pools, like the encore of a Stones concert.

And perhaps no feast quite so exemplifies a Delmarva summer like a bucket of steamed Maryland blue crabs. Corn, hushpuppies, coleslaw, a wooden mallet, a pair of nutcrackers, and a large roll of butcher paper is everything that friends or families need to experience this summer treat at its finest. However, popular opinion has led many to believe that in order to get the best pickin’s, one must drive all the way out to the Chesapeake Bay or Annapolis. And while there is no doubt about the deeply-rooted seafood culture and history in those areas, there is plenty of top-quality crab to be gotten inside the beltway.

This past year, despite limits on crab fishing and concerns among the shrinking population of these creatures, this has been an astoundingly fruitful year for crab fishing. So, whether eating out or going down to the Wharf to pick up your catch alive and fresh, here are the best places in town to get some quintessential Maryland blue crab and enjoy the end of summer the way everyone should.

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Bethesda Crab House, Bethesda
Imagine your favorite dive bar. Now add picnic tables and mountains of steamed crabs, and you’ve got Bethesda Crab House. A long-established institution in the area, the menu is short and sweet. They do crabs, crab cakes and crab legs. But they do them well. Their crab cakes are what will really get you coming back time and time again. As they’ll tell you at the cash register, it is nothing but heaps of crabmeat with a little mayonnaise to bind it together. These guys know how to make a real Maryland crab cake. There are no french-fries at Bethesda Crab House, as the space is small and the fryer would take up too much room in the back. Plus the establishment believes they just fill you up anyway so you can’t eat as much crab. This is the perfect antidote for your crab cravings. And don’t forget to get an order of corn on the cob. (301-652-3382, 4958 Bethesda Ave.)

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Quarterdeck Restaurant, Arlington
Hidden among the high rise apartment buildings, not a mile from the Key Bridge, the Quarterdeck is easy to miss. Built into an old house, the interior atmosphere, with its wood plank siding and worn, beachy furniture and décor, would lead you to believe you were somewhere on Chesapeake Bay, or down in some low-key seafood shack in Virginia Beach. The patio is double the size of the inside, and the buckets of crabs tumble out of the kitchen until the restaurant runs out.

As delivery status of the crabs are day-to-day, the restaurant encourages patrons to call at the beginning of the day to check for availability and make crab reservations for that evening — if you wait to walk in for dinner, there often won’t be any left by the time you show up. Quarterdeck Restaurant has a policy to serve steamed crabs only when local crabs are in season, so you know you’re getting the freshest catch every time you go. (703-528-2722, 1200 Fort Myer Dr.)

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The Wharf, Southwest Washington
If you’re brave enough to cook crabs on your own, the Wharf, on the southwest waterfront off Maine Avenue, is a wealth of fresh daily catch. You can get most fish that you’re looking for there, though in the summer months, their specialties are shrimp and crab. The Maryland blue crabs this season are piled in monstrous, twitching towers on beds of ice, fat and blue and beautiful. There’s no big secret to cooking them. Throw them in a big steamer with plenty of Old Bay, make sure there is vinegar in the water, and steam until they turn red. (1100 Maine Ave. S.W.)

Georgetowner • June 17, 2010

After you enjoy some great barbecue food in Georgetown, try doing some grilling of your own. This week for “Is the Price Right?” we visited five area grocery stores – Dean & Deluca, Giant, Safeway, Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods – to find the best deals on side dishes to add to your summer barbecue experience.

Baked beans are always a summer favorite and relatively cheap. To get the best price pick up Giant’s name brand baked beans at $0.85 for a 16 oz. can. Safeway also has a cheap product at only $0.09 more expensive with Bush Brother’s Country Style 28 oz. baked beans for $1.79. The most expensive baked beans were Whole Food’s 365 Everyday Value brand at $2.69 for 15 oz.

A summer barbecue would not be complete without corn on the cob. If you’re buying in bulk or for just a few pieces of corn, the best place to shop is Giant with eight pieces for $1.88 and $0.23 each. Corn on the cob prices are similar at the other four locations.

To get in something sweet and healthy, pick up a watermelon. Depending on how big of a watermelon you’re looking for, Whole Foods prices watermelon at $0.99/lb. while Trader Joe’s watermelons are $3.99 each. Dean & Deluca charge $6.00/lb.

What’s a barbecue without potato chips? Try Trader Joe’s multigrain salted 11.5 oz. chips for $1.49, but if you’re craving Lays Original potato chips you can get two 11 oz. bags for $6 or a 16 oz. bag at Safeway for $5.49.

After all these delicious sides, you’ll want something cool to drink. Try Blossom Time lemonade at Safeway where you can get 1 gallon for $2.79. Giant offers the next best price with 1 gallon of Turkey Hill lemonade for $2.79. Dean & Deluca has the most expensive lemonade from Nantucket Nectars with 17.5 oz. for $2.25.

These sides will go great with any type of barbecue you’re interesting in cooking and make for a mouth-watering meal. Check out “Is the Price Right?” in The Downtowner for the cheapest ingredients to make a homemade pizza.

Be sure to read next issue for more delectable and economical treats. For a further examination of pricing, see the chart below.

Georgetowner • June 2, 2010

Dear Stacy:
I am a successful, attractive D.C. woman about to turn 38 and will be celebrating with (drumroll, please) YET ANOTHER BREAKUP! This time I really thought the relationship was a go, but he turned out to be exactly like every other guy I’ve dated over the years, and I’m finally noticing the pattern. Things always start off well — the connection is strong, the sex is fantastic, we make big plans for the future. Then, after four months, six months, or a year, things change and he just isn’t there for me anymore. He starts “forgetting” plans we’ve made, not including me in activities, changing the rules. I’m not good at confrontation, so I seem to just let the distance grow while frantically trying to bring us back closer together. Eventually, he just ends it with the “It’s not you, it’s me” spiel. What can I do moving forward besides giving up entirely?
— Done With Men on Dumbarton

Dear Done With Men:
Wisdom comes with age, and it sounds like congratulations are in order for identifying a pattern in your past relationships! That’s really the first step in making a change: figuring out what we’ve done before that just isn’t working.

You have described the classic relationship trajectory. We all start off in the romantic stage, with its popping hormones, long-term fantasizing and believing we’ve found a kindred spirit who knows us inside out without even having to finish a sentence. That’s nature’s trick for getting us into a relationship. Soon, however, our brain chemistry changes, and we enter the power struggle phase. It sounds like this is the part that trips you up, and you’re not alone. You say you don’t like confrontation, so you allow the walls between you and your would-be soulmate to build thicker and thicker. You may be using unconscious tools to try to drag him back into deep connection — tools like passive aggression, controlling behavior, pouting, etc. Meanwhile, he also may be using his own tools to maintain his safe distance: isolating himself, forgetting your plans together, acting like it’s not his problem. The result is the classic push-and-pull scenario, until the loving bonds break under the stress. The power struggle is survived only through awareness and communication. When you both understand what you need to feel safe in relationship, then you both are able to start giving back to it.

Getting clear about your own expectations can really help you move toward a more conscious dating experience. What are your top 10 wants in a boyfriend? Do your past relationships reflect those desires? If they don’t, maybe your unconscious self is searching out a different kind of person. Taking the time to figure out what that part of you is looking for and why may result in a better match next time.

Dear Stacy:
My wife and I have been happily married for 10 years. We had our second baby two months ago, and now my wife doesn’t seem interested in me anymore. She makes it very difficult for us to be physical — bringing our infant into the bedroom, always telling me how tired she is, breaking down and crying whenever I try to talk with her about our sex life. She used to be a runner and returned to her exercise routine immediately after our first son was born, but this time she has no motivation. She has stopped taking care of her appearance: she has gained weight, rarely wears makeup, still dresses in her maternity clothes, zones out in front of the TV. I’ve tried talking with her about it, but it usually ends in a fight after which she retreats from me and our kids, putting even more of the household burdens on me. I’m wondering if having kids was a huge mistake and if this means my marriage is permanently damaged.
— In Reserve on Reservoir

Dear Reservoir:
I can hear the earnestness in your words and can imagine you are anxious for a solution. But I also hear something else in your letter that may not be so obvious to someone sitting right inside your relationship — it sounds as if your wife may be severely depressed.

If every mom who wasn’t interested in sex so soon after giving birth was diagnosed with depression, antidepressants would be included in every box of diapers. In other words, a lagging sexual drive at eight weeks post-pregnancy is not unusual. But your wife’s disinterest compounds some of the other symptoms you named. Postpartum depression (PPD) afflicts approximately 10 percent of new mothers — that means it’s likely at least one mom in your playgroup suffers from it, or will during their childbearing years. The marked contrast between your wife’s first and second pregnancies sounds like a red flag — as is the lack of interest in her appearance, tendency to break down when confronted and gaping at the television.

The good news is that PPD is highly treatable with therapy and medication. Helping your wife find support, while letting her know you will be patient as she heals, is the very best option. At the same time, supporting someone dealing with depression can be difficult. Finding your own resources — confiding in a friend, counseling, or hiring a babysitter so you can have some time off — is also a valuable gift to you both.

Dear Stacy:
My mother-in-law has always been overbearing and too into my business. She asks blunt questions at inappropriate times (e.g. She inquired, “How exactly are you going to lose weight before the wedding?” AT OUR ENGAGEMENT PARTY!). We have had some good times over the years, and I hoped we had grown closer now that we’ve given her her first grandchild. But my son is three and going through normal developmental steps, she continues to question my judgment about parenting, particularly asking blunt questions about whether he might have autism (he is not autistic in any way) or if he’s inherited my family’s “bigger boned” genes. I want to tell her off, but I know that wouldn’t be productive in the long run. Still, I think my frustration with her is obvious to everyone, including my son, and I don’t want him to develop animosity toward her either.
— Put-out on P Street

Dear Put-Out:
The irritating mother-in-law may be a tired cliché, but it’s a cliché for a reason — it comes up a lot!

Your frustration sounds entirely legitimate, and recognizing that your simmering bitterness might rub off on Junior shows even more self-awareness on your part. So let’s channel that effort into realizing that the fantasy that having a baby might magically change the person she is was just that, a fantasy, and she’s not doing anything new or different from the way she’s acted all the years you’ve known her son. That said, it is your job to protect your family from negative influences.

You haven’t mentioned your dear husband’s opinion on all of this, which suggests one of two things. Either he has no opinion because you haven’t shared your frustration with him, or he has chosen to ignore you both on this topic. Feeling like we aren’t alone in our struggles can be a major part of rising above insecurity. If you take the time to calmly, safely, carefully talk with him about your concerns, I imagine he might have some helpful advice for moving forward — whether that means enduring her negativity together, making a family decision to avoid her entirely, or sharing tips for how to get her to hear your side.

Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago relationship therapist practicing at the Imago Center of DC in Georgetown. This column should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Please send your relationship questions to stacy@georgetowner.com.