Murphy’s Love:

August 20, 2014

Dear Stacy:

My sister-in-law and I are great friends. We live near one another and spend a lot of time together, even when our husbands are not around. I just learned that she is pregnant and although her pregnancy isn’t really a surprise, she doesn’t know that I have been trying to get pregnant for more than a year. My husband and I have started working with a fertility clinic, but it’s not something I want to talk about yet. She wants to talk about everything, though, and it’s making it hard to be around her. Yes, I am jealous, but I’m also sad and pretty irritated that she is so clueless. What can I do?

–Don’t Wanna Talk About It

Dear Don’t:
I am so sorry you have to manage the stress of fertility treatments plus the very-human cocktail of jealousy and anger you describe. I’ve said it before, but it’s worth repeating that there’s little point in pretending you don’t have these feelings. We don’t talk ourselves out of our feelings – we can talk ourselves out of acting on them, but the feelings get to stay.

The trouble with your letter is that you are suffering a deep disappointment, but also expecting Sister-in-Law to read your mind. She’s not “clueless,” she’s being kept in the dark. You get to have all the information and she gets judged for not being more sensitive. That’s not fair. If you are the great friends you say you are, I would hope that you could trust her enough to bring her in on all you are facing. There is a middle space between fawning over her good news and acknowledging your own pain – that’s where real friendships are born.

But if the time still is not right to disclose your information, then you will have to decide how to manage your frustrations on your own. That could mean avoiding her altogether, risking long-term damage to your relationship, or putting on a happy face when you are together, which could be seen as fake and confusing to others. In any event, lay off the name-calling before you actually give her the chance to show up and be the support you really might need.

Healers Behind the Still Point Spas Host Toma Skin Therapies Pop-Up Party

August 18, 2014

Good news for the skincare obsessed: Toma Skin Therapies has officially landed in Washington. On Aug. 4, beauty and wellness gurus Tori Paide and Marla Peoples transported their celebrated wellness destination, the Still Point spas, to the heart of D.C. The entrepreneurial duo welcomed a slew of media attendees and D.C. notables to the pop-up event at Luxxery Express on Wisconsin Avenue. Attendees enjoyed express treatments from the wellness spa’s skilled practitioners, including hand and scalp massages and sonic dermabrasion services. [gallery ids="101829,139189,139194,139206,139185,139204,139200" nav="thumbs"]

Blackberry Farm

August 7, 2014

“It’s like discovering a pearl in the wilderness,” says a Versace-clad woman to her dinner companions while I sip a glass of Cabernet and savor a bit of eavesdropping at Blackberry Farm. It is the perfect description.

Few would expect such refinement in the foothills of the Great Smoky Mountains in eastern Tennessee. Don’t bother looking for a sign on the main road to guide you to a place where chic and sheep coincide–gawkers are discouraged. In fact, the average tourist has never heard of this rural retreat and that suits Blackberry Farm just fine. They don’t advertise. Instead, word-of-mouth, articles in high-end publications, top rankings on nearly every “best resort” list plus awards from the James Beard Foundation and Wine Spectator feed the momentum. Hollywood celebs, West Coast techies and those in the know (rumor has it Oprah and Martha Stewart have stayed here) frequent this bucolic resort/spa/gourmet getaway for exceptional and very private R&R.

Even the word “resort” feels wrong; “experience” is a better description. With only 62 rooms and cottages on 4,200 acres (plus an additional 5,000 acres of private wilderness for fox hunting, horseback riding, fly fishing or hiking) this Relais & Chateaux working farm and gastronomic mecca offers perks that are far from its golf and ski alternatives (they don’t have either.)

They do have a dairy, creamery, charcuterie and brewery plus a master cheesemaker, beekeeper, chocolatier and preservationist who oversees all jam making. Jams are sold on the farm as well as to fancy food emporiums throughout the U.S. (the blueberry is to die for).

All vegetables served are grown on the farm and only heirloom seeds are used. Milk from the sheep is used to make their yogurt and cheeses. A butcher and baker are on staff and odds are, a candlestick maker is there, too. The sommelier and his team oversee a 221 page wine list representing 160,000 bottles, including rare vintages such as a $14,000 bottle of Montrachet.

There’s more. The farm is cultivating truffles. To hunt for them, assuming they materialize (there are no guarantees for this ten-year project), they breed rare Lagotto Romagnolo dogs imported from Italy. Fall in love with a puppy? They are for sale–$6,000 each, trained with commands given exclusively in Italian, of course. Untrained, the price is halved.

Privately owned and managed by the Beall family since the early 70’s, Blackberry Farm employs a staff of 375 to care for its pampered guests. Room rates include three glorious meals each day and begin at $795; cottage suites from $1495.

The place has been on my bucket list since before bucket lists became trendy. When the farm’s new spa, Wellhouse, opened I talked my husband into a three night stay.

On arrival, our car is whisked away. We won’t need it again until we leave–each cottage comes with its own golf cart. If we want a lift anywhere, a fleet of new Lexus cars is available, with or without a driver.

From the outside, our dark brown wood-framed cottage tucked in the woods appears unremarkable. Inside, we find all the bells and whistles of a luxury hotel–soaring 17-foot ceiling in the living/bedroom, polished wood floors topped with eclectic furnishings, Frette linens and robes plus a pantry stocked with complimentary snacks. The bathroom is big enough for a family reunion.

Despite the temptation to hang out in the fancy digs, we head outdoors, winding our way through pastures dotted with horses and a dozen piglets following their mom. We discover a crystal clear trout stream, a tranquil lake and we linger at the boat house before putting a canoe to use. While there are plenty of activities—yoga, fly fishing, horseback riding, and archery for starters–there is something to be said for doing nothing. The only thing on my ‘to do’ list is visiting the spa.

Face down on the massage table, my dings and dents are tweaked with warm poultices filled with healing herbs and flowers that are pressed into my body. The warmth and fragrance reduce me to Jell-O. Am I detoxed as the treatment promises? Who cares. I head to the outdoor pool and fantasize about our next hedonistic adventure: dinner.

“Good evening” says the tall young man who swoops down upon us, ready to fulfill our every wish. I’m having trouble focusing on menu choices. Instead, I’m fixated on the room, a splendid turn-of-the-century barn with high ceilings and massive beams.

I place the snowy white antique linen napkin on my lap and scan the French china and sterling silver. Given the game plan, we anticipate a hoity-toity menu. While there is plenty of haute cuisine, the forward-thinking chef creatively combines fancier fare with southern Foothills food. And, he doesn’t take himself too seriously–Guinea Hen Croquettes with White Truffle Sauce are served on a bed of “straw” topping a piece of tree bark. My husband’s pate is served on slate at the same time my Swiss Chard Salad is presented on white gold-rimmed china.

Dinner may be the star each day but breakfast and lunch aren’t far behind. Both are served in a room you would expect to find in a private country estate. In our cozy banquette, surrounded by the owner’s impressive art collection and antique furnishings, we decide that the most beautiful art (and there’s plenty of it) is the daily vista of fog hanging over the Smokies as viewed from the sprawling stone terrace.

By day three, we’re accustomed to being spoiled. At checkout, a perky young man appears with two boxed lunches for our trip home. Even they aren’t ordinary–turkey sandwiches with scallion mayonnaise on rosemary flatbread, containers of radish and stewed-apple salad and the most extraordinary chocolate chip cookies on the planet.

As we drive down the country road, with windows wide open, a blast of fresh warm air whips my face. All I can utter is one word, ‘a-maz-ing.’ Maybe tomorrow I’ll think of something more poetic. [gallery ids="101828,139214,139219,139225,139208,139228,139240,139236,139233" nav="thumbs"]

Murphy’s Love

August 6, 2014

Dear Stacy:

My husband, the father of my three children, is cheating on me. This is not the first time and we’ve been through therapy and sex addiction groups and all the rest of the things you do when your husband is a serial cheater. The truth is that I don’t want to live with this anymore. I don’t want to work on it. But my husband is very smart, ambitious, and tech-savvy. I imagine that he will have a lot of things to throw at me in a courtroom and I am scared about leaving him as a result. I don’t know what to do.

–Not Sure What’s Next

Dear Not Sure:

I can imagine it took quite a long time, and a variety of disappointments, to get you to the point of saying you don’t want to live with this anymore. I’m not going to talk you out of that. And I’m not going to talk you into more couples therapy and relationship exploration. Sometimes we just can’t work our way out of the web of resentment spun by infidelity. Sometimes we have to listen to our bodies when they tell us that we can’t take any more.

From your description, it sounds like you expect a fight from Husband. What do we do when we know we’re in for a fight? We start training. We gather resources. We make a plan. You need a guide to get this going and it’s not going to be a newspaper columnist: call a lawyer today. Look for someone with a specialty in helping women with children. Get someone smart. Make sure you feel confident in your decision and then trust Smart Lawyer’s advice.

At the same time, gather your own people around you. Family, friends, neighbors, a new supportive counselor – consider all of your options. You are going to need a support network and it’s always best to have those people in place before you drop the bomb that you’re onto him and you’re leaving.

Finally, stop putting yourself in the subordinate position by saying you “don’t know” what to do. You do know what to do. You might be afraid of it, but you know what to do.

Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. This column is meant for entertainment only, and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacymurphyLPC@gmail.com.

Take It Outside: Summer Activities

July 24, 2014

Tour de Georgetown

By Natalie Koltun

With miles of shady trails and scenic views, D.C., offers a variety of outdoor family-friendly summer activities. Congested traffic and an increase in Metro fare have led Washingtonians to other forms of transportation. Biking is a popular summer activity for all ages and skill levels, and provides a relaxing retreat from the hustle and bustle of city life. Georgetown is home to several acclaimed bike paths, including the C & O Towpath and Capital Crescent Trail. For long-distance riders, the C & O Towpath is a National Historic Park that spans 184 miles along the Potomac River between Georgetown and Cumberland, Md. This non-paved bike path offers interesting sights along the way, including 19th-century locks from the canal’s early years and the turbulent waters of Great Falls.

Running parallel to the C & O Towpath for the first few miles is the Capital Crescent Trail, which extends from Georgetown to Silver Spring. Built as a rail-trail on the former site of the Georgetown portion of the B & O Railroad, the 13-mile trail provides an interesting path for bikers to explore, complete with a tunnel, several bridges and plenty of shade. Rock Creek Park, running from the Potomac River to the border of Maryland, is a favorite bike path for its views of the National Zoo, streams and quaint picnic areas. CycleLife USA, a full-service bike shop on K Street in Georgetown offers a range of bikes including commuter, city, mountain, road and electric made from high quality materials.

Being at the intersection of several popular biking trails in the Washington area, “…[CycleLife USA] allows us to meet and help a wide range of riders and recommend the best trails and routes to explore,” said Neil Meyer of Georgetown bike shop CycleLife USA. The store carries well-known brands such as Specialized, BMC, Moots, Parlee, Independent Fabrication and Boo, and uses specialized fitting services to adjust each bike to fit its owner. Less experienced riders who wish to ride for exercise or leisure typically opt for hybrid bikes that are suitable for a variety of terrain and riding styles, says Meyer. Big Wheel Bikes on 33rd Street carries a variety of multiuse and specialty bicycles, and offers a rental program where customers can spend a few hours or days testing a bike before purchasing. The rental bikes include hybrids, performance hybrids, triathlon bikes, mountain and road bikes, in brands such as Fuji, Bianchi, Scott and Schwinn.

For the casual rider, D.C. offers its Capital Bikeshare program for visitors, commuters and residents alike. Celebrating its fourth anniversary, the program allows riders to pick up a bike from one of the 300 stations around the Washington metropolitan area and return it at any station near your destination when finished riding. For as little as $7, bikes can be checked out for the commute to work or simply a relaxing ride along the one of the many local bike trails. Capital Bikeshare has five stations in Georgetown. For the more experienced rider, CycleLife USA offers weekly organized rides in the area where bikers can tour local routes and learn the fundamentals of group riding. Another Georgetown bike shop, Revolution Cycles hosts a 25 to 30-mile group ride to Potomac, Md. every Sunday at 8:40 a.m.

This fall, the Potomac Pedalers, a non-profit cycling club, is sponsoring a family-friendly ride for all ages and ability levels in the Shenandoah Valley. With distances of 25, 30, 50, 65 and 100 miles, cyclists can decide how far to ride. What sets this apart from other bike events in the area is the route winds through several colonial towns that influenced our nation’s foundation, including the historic towns of Middleway and Burwell-Morgan Mill, established in 1785. On Friday, August 1, experienced riders are invited to participate in the Bike to the Beach charity race to benefit Autism research and Autism Speaks. In just one day, bikers will ride 104 miles from D.C. to Dewey Beach, Del. via Annapolis.

For more information, visit [biketothebeach.org](http://www.biketothebeach.org/site/c.duIVJdNXKkL2G/b.8515825/k.BE45/Home.htm).

[CycleLife USA](http://www.cyclelifeusa.com/) is located at 3255 K St., NW.

202-333-8883

Open Monday – Friday: 8:30 a.m. – 7 p.m., Saturday: 10 a.m. – 5 p.m., Sunday: 12 p.m. – 5 p.m.

[Big Wheel Bikes](http://www.bigwheelbikes.com/) is located at 1034 33rd St., NW.

202-337-0254

[Revolution Cycles](http://revolutioncycles.com/) is located at 3411 M St., NW.

(202) 965-3601

Open Monday – Friday: 11 a.m. – 8 p.m., Saturday: 10 a.m. – 6 p.m., Sunday: 12 p.m. – 6 p.m.

Boating Under Key Bridge

By Joseph Park

Key Bridge Boathouse, one of Boating in DC’s location along the Potomac River, is celebrating their one-year anniversary of the Key Bridge location in Georgetown. The Key Bridge Boathouse has been thriving as a local business accommodating the high demand of tourists that come through Georgetown. “We are doing well as a business here in Georgetown,” said Brendan McLellan, the site lead. “We are expanding the classes we offer giving out more boating tours.”

A wide variety of classes are held throughout the week, including, kayak and paddle boarding offered in introductory and advanced levels. The boathouse also offers stand up yoga on the dock (bring your own mat) and community paddle every Saturday at 7 a.m. Participants can bring their own boards, or rent from the boathouse. Boating in DC opened up two other sites at the Potomac River, Ballpark Boathouse and National Harbor in Maryland. Rentals include canoes, kayaks, stand up paddle boards as well as twilight tours and seasonal boat storage. Seasonal passes are available for purchase for those who want to enjoy unlimited paddling in all of their locations.

“Our seasonal tickets are great, especially in the summer because we offer unlimited paddling at any of our locations and other benefits including free access to intro to Kayaking classes as well as 20 percent off any advanced level class.” McLellan said. Season passes are offered in adult singe, adult doubles and a family pass.

Boating in DC offers safety sessions throughout the day to any newcomers that come on site.

“Safety is our number one priority, McLellan said. “We hold safety sessions for anyone that is new to any of our sites. We go over the safety procedures to take when a rare case of emergency occurs and certain areas of the river that you want to avoid getting into.” McClellan says the boathouse is busy every day of the week throughout the summer and hosted a number of paddle boarders on July 4 to catch the fireworks. Key Bridge Boathouse is located at the end of K Street in Georgetown. Open 8 a.m. – 8 p.m. through September. Visit [BoatingInDC.com](http://boatingindc.com/) for more information and class schedules. [gallery ids="101815,139847" nav="thumbs"]

Murphy’s Love: More Is Not Always Merrier

July 22, 2014

*Dear Stacy:*

*My husband and I have been trying for baby #3 for about a year. We had quick pregnancies before, but I’m older now, and I think that’s having an impact on our results. My husband seems to shrug off each negative test, and is enthusiastic about trying again, but I can’t let it go. It’s more than just being disappointed in the moment. I feel defeated and defective, but secretly, I think I might be a little relieved. I recently realized I’m not that interested in trying again. I don’t know how to tell him that I’m done with this. I think a family of four is just fine, but I know he has his heart set on this. What can I do?*

*–Four is Fine*

Dear Four:

You are right – four is fine. What’s not fine is feeling bad about yourself as you recognize that you really might be ok with your family of four. Keeping all of this from Husband is about as un-fine as you can get. Short answer: tell him ASAP. Read further for the long answer.

Consider this: there is a chance that his happy-faced enthusiasm is a cover for his own complicated feelings about the circumstances. Meanwhile, there also is a chance that you will become pregnant before you even read this response – and you might continue to feel this ambivalence throughout your pregnancy. The central relationship issue is not whether you have another baby – though the babymaking process invites a unique form of tunnel vision – it’s whether you and Husband can talk about your feelings honestly.

For many, the getting pregnant process has become similar to the getting married process – the wedding date has become interchangeable with the nine months of (so-called) blissful pregnancy. But coming home after a honeymoon trip is very similar to coming home with the baby: many people focus on the getting there rather than looking at the firm foundation needed to support a family at home. And that’s not entirely hard to understand. If we all knew how hard partnering or parenting really is, we might not ever give ourselves the chance to experience it. You and Husband have weathered these storms already – you are married with children – this is a strong indication of your bond and your co-parenting skills. At best, more conversation will clarify your confused feelings and deepen your relationship – both of those are central tasks before any decisions about baby #3 ought to be made.

*[Stacy Notaras Murphy](www.stacymurphyLPC.com) is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacymurphyLPC@gmail.com.*

Rah, Rah, Raw Food

July 16, 2014

The beauty of eating mainly raw fruits, vegetables and legumes is you can turn your oven off for the summer.

The raw food diet is a fad that has been around for years. It emphasizes the benefits of exclusively eating uncooked foods in their natural state. Proponents claim cooking or heating of any kind diminishes most of the vitamins and minerals in food and kills natural enzymes that boost digestion and fight chronic disease. Many raw food aficionados believe this diet helps to clear headaches and allergies and boost the body’s immunity.

Even Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, has adopted the unusual diet to maintain her fit figure and radiant complexion. Popular raw dishes she enjoys include watermelon salads, gazpacho, tabbouleh and ceviche, a Latin American fish recipe.

This plant-based diet is similar to that of vegans and vegetarians. It consists of fruits, vegetables, sprouts, nuts, seeds, sprouted grains, beans and raw fish. Nutritional perks include an abundance of vitamins, minerals, fiber and antioxidants to reduce the appearance of aging. Some individuals even practice this diet to lose weight, due to the food being naturally low in calories, fat and sodium. The raw food diet is heavy in fruits and vegetables and low in saturated fat and salt and is consequently associated with healthy levels of cholesterol, blood pressure and a reduced risk of heart disease.

Though eating raw food has become popular among celebrities and royalty, it certainly has its drawbacks. Restrictive diets such as this are linked to growth problems from a potential lack of protein and are not recommended for growing children. Those who are pregnant, elderly or sick should avoid this diet due to the risk of foodborne illnesses from uncooked or unpasteurized foods.

In addition to potential health risks, adopting the raw food lifestyle certainly takes a toll on the wallet.

Specialty stores are preferred by raw foodists for their variety of organic, natural food options, yet are oftentimes pricier than a general grocery store. Once the food has been purchased, meal preparation can be quite extensive due to juicing, blending or dehydrating, which requires expensive appliances of up to several hundreds of dollars.

Another challenge faced by those who eat raw is eating out. It can be difficult to enjoy dining in restaurants because raw dishes are not standard fare on most menus. Khepra’s Raw Food Juice Bar, 402 H St., NE, is one of the few raw, organic restaurants in Washington, D.C. Khepra’s specializes in serving fresh salads, entrees, desserts and juices that are packed with vitamins and natural flavors, perfect for vegetarian or raw food customers.

Pin Hunting on Penobscot Bay: Samoset Resort


The analogies between bacon and golf might escape the neophyte leisurist, but any expert loafer in the wild at this moment may have already casually surveyed the frying pan rack, mentally reviewed the contents of his trunk and will soon be pressing #1 for the pro shop. Eating little blueberries and slurping up lobster can only shine brighter when bacon shows her face, while Andrew Wyeth paintings and puffin sightings are truly more appreciated when bookended or framed by a few rounds of golf. Nestled along the Penobscot Bay in Maine between the tidal water towns of Rockland and Rockport, Samoset Resort was my vacation bacon.

Celebrating a centennial of golf in 2002, the course underwent major renovations in the 1970s, and many recent tweaks and additions have landed the resort in the pages of Conde Nast Traveler and Golf Digest for its resort amenities and beautiful views. One hundred and seventy-eight rooms and three cottages are crowned by “The Flume,” a moat surrounded, majestic oceanside residence for rent along hole #15, where actor John Travolta and his wife Kelly Preston supposedly spent their honeymoon night. More recent and weighty geographical significance has surfaced in its cameo role as the house behind the sand trap that I chipped in from to make birdie.

Highlights on the front nine are made even higher by the presence of the Atlantic Ocean on every single hole. Lobstermen dropping traps in the water, puffy white sailboat triangles and Rockland’s Breakwater Lighthouse Trail all come together in bad-shot-erasing panoramic views that put the exclamation point in time already being well spent. Definite front nine favorites for me were holes #3 and #4. The third hole’s uphill tee shot to a green beneath a watercolor-worthy copse of trees could be the textbook case for clubbing up, and the blind shot to reach the #4 green in two could be one of many ways to play the hole. I consider the number of times a golfer has to consider risk and reward in a round a good measure of course architecture, and Samoset has had good architectural input over the years.

The course’s only four non-oceanside string of holes starts out with a very nicely laid out par four on #10. The challenging approach shot over water can only be made harder if you manage to hide behind the one three-inch wide sapling in the middle of the fairway (I did). Hole #11 is a good-looking, spicy little par three with pleasant water fountain white noise to even out swing tempo. The accolades from me for the back nine belong to holes #13 and #14. The spicy little par three’s bar brawling uncle with tattoos makes up the wicked thirteenth par three; it’s a 230-yard shot over water. Any separation anxiety stemming from lack of ocean is more than quelled by the water’s stunning return at the end of the lengthy lounge-chair shaped par 5 number 14 hole, easily my favorite hole at Samoset.

Maine’s humidity-avoiding, transient, late summer population is represented well at Samoset, and it was very easy for me to find people that felt obligated to let me join them. As happens over a round of golf my new friends Bob, Dave, and Fred soon became Bobby, Davey and Freddy. The staff at the club was extremely welcoming, and while I had plans of playing some other nearby courses, it just seemed natural to store my clubs at Samoset when asked. Club professional Gary Soule was very welcoming and fun to talk to, and 94-year-old starter Ray Fogarty, a 34-year course veteran, recently had “Ray’s Creek” dedicated to him for years of service. When I met him at 7 a.m. the other day, he was munching on a Danish with a cartful of empty beer bottles he claimed were just collected for recycling. Having worked at the Samoset as early as 1934, Fogarty remembers when the club had barracks for visiting baseball players that would play exhibition games for guests.

Lobster, organic farms, bird watching, kayaking, biking, hiking, little blueberries, lighthouses, country roads, watercolors, music festivals and gas stations that serve award-winning soups are all reasons I will be back in Maine next summer. This summer, I added golf at the Samoset to the list. [gallery ids="101808,139919,139914" nav="thumbs"]

Murphy’s Love: Her Therapy or Our Therapy?

July 2, 2014

*Dear Stacy:*

*My wife reads your column, so I am hoping you and I can work together to convince her that she needs some help. She is a stay-at-home mother to our three kids, and she’s fabulous at the job. To make it possible for her to stay at home, I work long hours in a competitive field. We met when I was in law school. She has always known what kind of career I wanted, and for the most part has always been very supportive of my work.*

*In recent months, she has been very needy. She calls me at work and gets upset when I can’t make room in my schedule to talk to her. I think she is overwhelmed by the demands of her position and it is causing her to be depressed. I think she needs therapy and I am happy to pay for it. She refuses, saying she thinks the problem is our relationship. She is insisting we go to couples therapy, but I know that won’t help her. I want her to feel better and have the support I know she will get with her own counselor. Please put better words to my request. I am completely supportive of her and only want her to feel better. She needs help to do that.*

*- Wanting the Best for Her*

Dear Wanting,

I need to start by saying I do not doubt your good intentions here. Not even a little bit. But you are doing this all wrong. No one ever got better when her spouse responded to her loneliness by saying, “Go get yourself some help, I’m buying.” She has asked you to join her in couples therapy – what do you have to lose? If you bristle when thinking about that question, then it seems you actually might benefit from that kind of work.

With the exception of serious mental health disorders, my experience has been that a couple’s relationship is actually the best space for healing. If Dear Wife leaves your dyad, and finds a gentle and caring counselor to walk with her through whatever she’s experiencing, at the end of the day you are not the one witnessing or inspiring that healing. This will put more distance between you. And if you fall into the category of Ambitious-Law-School-Trained-Competitive-Field-Dweller that you describe, I’m guessing that more distance is the last thing your marriage needs.

Work with her to find a couples counselor with a schedule that fits both of your calendars. Leave the rest of the work to that person. If s/he thinks Dear Wife will benefit from individual treatment, trust that s/he will say so. In the interim, consider how much you might learn and how much you both could benefit. If you really want the best, that’s the gold standard.

*Stacy Notaras Murphy (www.stacymurphyLPC.com) is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. This column is meant for entertainment only, and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacy@georgetowner.com.*

Brandywine: Wyeth’s Other World


Andrew Wyeth’s “Wind from the Sea” – the centerpiece of the “Looking Out, Looking In” exhibition at the National Gallery of Art (reviewed in the May 7 issue of The Georgetowner) – was painted a year before and on the same Maine farm as his iconic “Christina’s World” of 1948.

Cushing, Maine, where Christina Olson lived, was the painter’s summer home. Andrew Wyeth’s roots were in Chadds Ford, Pa., where the Brandywine River Museum of Art offers scheduled tours of his studio and the Kuerner Farm, both portrayed in several works in “Looking Out, Looking In.”

“His art is all about sense of place – things that mean something to him, people that mean something to him,” says Virginia O’Hara, the Brandywine museum’s curator of collections.

Upon their marriage in 1940, Andrew and Betsy Wyeth made a 19th-century schoolhouse their home and Andrew’s studio. Restored to look as it did when they lived there, the modest building – white, inside and out – is filled with old furniture, artists’ materials (brushes, a carton of eggs for making tempera paints, large blocks of watercolor paper), books on art, ship models and armies of toy soldiers. The kitchen has “modern” appliances from the 1950s.

Part of the studio is set up as the studio of their son James, known as Jamie, as if he were working on his 1967 portrait of John F. Kennedy. A short distance away is the expansive, prop-filled studio of Andrew Wyeth’s father and teacher, famed illustrator N.C. Wyeth, who built it in 1911 with earnings from his work on Scribner’s edition of “Treasure Island.” (The museum also has scheduled tours of N.C. Wyeth’s studio.)

Even more evocative is the bleakly beautiful farm of German immigrant Karl Kuerner, designated a National Historic Landmark in 2011 along with the Olson House in Cushing. A square, stone trough in front of two windows in the ancient barn is clearly the motif of the painting “Spring Fed” in “Looking Out, Looking In.” Another work in the National Gallery show depicts the farmhouse attic, with iron hooks from which onions and potatoes were hung.

No portraits of Wyeth’s Chadds Ford muse, Helga Testorf, who was Karl Kuerner’s nurse, are part of “Looking Out, Looking In,” but the painter had a way of instilling a human presence in his still lifes (not just art-history talk: in some cases a figure in an initial version of a work was later removed).

Much of the credit for preserving the scenic and historic landscape that Wyeth painted goes to the Brandywine Conservancy, founded in 1967 to protect the watershed. Having created the museum in 1971, the organization – based in a former gristmill off U.S. 1 – recently renamed itself the Brandywine Conservancy and Museum of Art.

A selection of Andrew Wyeth’s watercolors of Chadds Ford from the 1940s through the 2000s (he died in 2009) is on view at the museum through the end of September. “Exalted Nature: The Real and Fantastic World of Charles Burchfield,” an exhibition of more than 50 paintings by a very different American artist, opens Aug. 23.

The only name that looms larger than Wyeth in the Brandywine Valley is du Pont. DuPont, the chemical company, began in 1802 as Éleuthère Irénée du Pont de Nemours’s gunpowder mill on the Brandywine. His little family of Huguenot immigrants from Burgundy expanded in size and wealth in the 19th and 20th centuries to produce some of America’s greatest industrialists and philanthropists.

In 1906, Pierre S. du Pont bought the historic arboretum in Kennett Square, Pa., known as Peirce’s Park, making it his private estate and expanding it to more than 1,000 acres of gardens, fountains and greenhouses. We know it today as Longwood Gardens, welcoming roughly a million visitors annually. The latest addition to Longwood is an 86-acre Meadow Garden. Among the upcoming events are Summer Soirées on July 18 and Aug. 22 (free with admission) and Patti LuPone on July 10 ($45-75) and Savion Glover on Aug. 14 ($36-56).

Winterthur, the Wilmington mansion of one of Pierre’s cousins, Henry Francis du Pont, is furnished with his exceptional collection of American antiques and surrounded by gardens. It is a suitable setting for an audience-broadening Winterthur exhibition, “Costumes of Downton Abbey,” displaying 40 historically inspired costumes from the PBS series (through Jan. 4).

Other Wilmington cultural attractions include the Hagley Museum and Nemours Mansion, both connected to du Ponts, and the Delaware Art Museum, which features works by the Pre-Raphaelites, John Sloan and illustrators such as Howard Pyle.

Good dining choices may be found on State Street in downtown Kennett Square, where there is a monthly First Friday Art Stroll. For a country inn ambiance, try Buckley’s Tavern in Centerville, Pa., on Kennett Pike between Kennett Square and Wilmington.

To make an overnight or a weekend of it, there are 11 B&Bs listed on the Brandywine Valley Bed and Breakfast Association website. The landmark 1913 Hotel du Pont in Wilmington displays works by N.C., Andrew and Jamie Wyeth in its elegant public rooms. [gallery ids="116309,116312" nav="thumbs"]