Living

Sarah Bryen • June 4, 2014

Summer’s coming up quickly here in the Virginia countryside. The last of the fox hunters have gone to ground and it’s time for the rest of the sporting season: from the steeplechase races to polo, to the horse show season taking off, to fresh country fare at our local restaurants and farmers markets (yep, we’ll truck some of that in for y’all).

The Upperville Colt & Horse Show, the country’s oldest, began on Monday. Now in its 161st year, the show runs through Sunday, June 8, and features more than 2,000 horse-and-rider competitions. Set on the beautiful grounds of the historic Salem and Grafton Farms, “under the oaks,” Upperville combines everything from the finest show hunters in the country to Olympic-level jumper riders.

For me, personally, some of the best events are the Ladies Sidesaddle Hunters, where attire, or “turn out,” must be perfect down to the sandwich in the sandwich case (judges have been known to take a bite); the famous Upperville Grand Prix; and the leadline division, where tots on ponies are led by their parents.

A little bit more about that. Leadline is held on Saturday following the sidesaddle. Children ages 1-6 will be dressed in their own twee finery, in full-on adorable mode. The Grand Prix, featuring some of the best horses and riders in the world, is held on Sunday.

My suggestion: make a day of it. Pack up your coolers with some tailgate-style foods and beverages (preferably adult, but don’t overdo it), grab some chairs and sit on the hill to watch the jumpers go. There will also be an antique auto show, a petting zoo, a moon bounce and – the most fun – Jack Russell Terrier Races!

One note about Grand Prix day. While it’s not specified in the program, many people will be in “afternoon attire.” Fancy dresses and large hats are not out of place. So if you’ve got it, wear it.

If you discover that you enjoy watching the horses jump around while you sip a cold one, Great Meadow is bringing back its Twilight Jumper Series this year. Held June 27, July 18 and August 29, all Fridays, this event in The Plains brings out both local and professional talent for a Friday evening with dancing and wine tasting. Great Meadow encourages you to pack a tailgate, but note that nearly every event at Great Meadow is to be free of glass bottles, lest one injure a horse.

Great Meadow’s Twilight Polo Series has also begun, continuing on Saturday nights through September. There is dancing as well as polo, and – with the Aspen Dale Winery at the Barn on hand – everyone will have a great time. Check the Great Meadow website for this year’s themes: from Military Appreciation Night to Pirate Night.

Make sure you pop back to Great Meadow for the rest of their events on the card for the summer, including a Fourth of July celebration and, later that month, the WEG selection trials. (Ever want to see someone play high jump on a horse without a saddle? Now’s your chance.) The Virginia Scottish Games are at the end of August, the Wine Festival is in September and the International Gold Cup Steeplechase in October.

I know I’ve encouraged tailgating, but you don’t always want to do the prep before the weekend. So, my other best suggestion is to enjoy some local food. (And wine. Always wine. Especially Virginia wine.) Breaux Vineyards in Purcellville will hold its 17th annual Cajun Festival and Crawfish Boil on June 14, with live music and lots of treats. Then Morven Park in Leesburg will host a NOVA Summer Brewfest on June 21-22, so you can do one weekend of wine and another of beer, both with live music and vendors.

There are other notable wine tours in the area – a quick Google search will bring up plenty. If you go to (www.virginiawine.org), there is a list by date of events for the entire summer. With at least one, and often many, every weekend, you can cherry-pick (grape-pick?) your own tour.

Upperville’s classic eating stops include Hunter’s Head Tavern – where your dog can dine on the patio, incidentally – and the Blackthorne Inn, with its beautiful bar. Another of my personal favorites is The French Hound in Middleburg, where the menu changes in accordance with the “whims of the chef.”
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Georgetowner •

Dear Stacy:

I had a pretty promiscuous period in my late teens and early 20s, when I dated a lot of the wrong kinds of guys and found myself in very embarrassing situations. Today I am in a stable, long-term relationship with a man I love more than anything in the world. We’re both about to turn 30 and I am pretty sure he’s planning to propose as part of the festivities. I want to marry him, but I worry about my past coming back to haunt me. I have told my boyfriend about some of the things I did back then, but not everything. I know I was pretty irresponsible and am lucky I came out of that period with my health (yes, I’ve been tested) and some self-esteem. I know my boyfriend loves me for me, and that he doesn’t think a thing about my past, but I worry that someday someone will tell him a story about me that will show him he was all wrong in choosing me. I’m not sure I can live my life waiting for the other shoe to drop.

– Storied Past

Dear Storied,

I feel so much for your situation, because all of us could look back on a mistake we made and cringe in the way it sounds like you are cringing now. I’m sure that most of us would be doubly embarrassed if the Love of Our Life was made privy to all of those details as well. What seems uncommon is the sense I get that you might be considering forgoing a marriage to someone you “love more than anything in the world.” Does that seem like a reasonable exchange? Trading your long-term happiness for some embarrassing details?

I can imagine your response would be more about the content of those details, and I know that, to you, they probably seem earth-shattering and irreconcilable. If we are talking about ongoing, intrusive thoughts of your own unworthiness and fear of being found out, I obviously recommend that you find a professional to talk this through. But if Boyfriend is the person you are imagining building a life with, shouldn’t that image also include the gifts of honesty and forgiveness, when necessary?

I’m not suggesting that you sit Boyfriend down and detail your past in timeline format. But an honest conversation about how you’re wrestling with these feelings of insecurity and fear would be a great step as you build a foundation for this partnership you want to last a lifetime. That “foundation” that we therapists are always talking about? It’s actually made of moments when disappointments were followed by the kind of forgiveness that deepens a couple’s commitment.

I think you’re halfway there. You already know how fully you value this relationship (some couples never get that far). Now put in the effort to let Boyfriend show you how much he values you.

Stacy Notaras Murphy (www.stacymurphyLPC.com) is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacy@georgetowner.com.

Georgetowner • May 22, 2014

Soaked in history and packed with energy, the small, seaside city of Rehoboth Beach, Del., has long been a Washington favorite for summer weekends. Just over one square mile, this coastal community is filled with charming shopping (tax free), outdoor activities, ample accommodations and perhaps one of the best dining scenes in the country for its size.

Thanks to the state’s attractive tax structure, a lot of Rehoboth’s recent growth has been fueled by retirees from D.C., Philadelphia and Wilmington, and even from New Jersey and New York. These Boomers are not ready to be idle – many are starting businesses and nonprofits to serve community needs.

As soon as you arrive, you will see that there is more to Rehoboth than Funland, the boardwalk, the famous pizza joints (we can’t choose), Thrashers fries and Dolle’s salt water taffy. And while the beach, where the Atlantic Ocean delivers wave after wave, is the main event, here is a quick guide for your next visit…

Eat

Known as the Culinary Coast, southern Delaware is quickly gaining attention for the restaurants in Rehoboth and neighboring Lewes Beach. From upscale dining to the craft brewpubs, there is something for everyone and much to be enjoyed. In addition to the popular Eating Rehoboth, a three-hour walking and tasting tour, the town’s 9th Annual Restaurant Week is June 1-6.

Proof that these two events are not enough to satisfy the truly foodie town, a friendly chef “throwdown” will take place at the Rehoboth Convention Center on June 12 during the Top Chef of the Culinary Coast competition. Chefs from a number of the area’s best restaurants will be competing for the title, including Bramble and Brine, Nage, Salt Air and Touch of Italy, all recently named to the “Eight Hottest Restaurants in Rehoboth Beach” list by Zagat. The remaining four were a(MUSE.), Cultured Pearl, Eden and Henlopen City Oyster House.

New restaurants on the block include Bramble and Brine, which opened in October to rave reviews and multiple awards. The popular Fins Ale House and Raw Bar opened a second location on Coastal Highway. James Beard-nominated chef-owner Hari Cameron serves up artistic dishes at his restaurant a(MUSE.), which offers several tasting menus.

Bistro and wine bar Nage turns 10 over Memorial Day weekend. Extending the restaurant’s tradition of bringing in new and upcoming chefs, a new chef and sous chef will be joining the Nage team, headed by owner Josh Grapski. “We’ve continued to grow every year and continue to get better and better,” says Grapski. “It’s a fun, steady project.”

Also on Grapski’s plate is Root Gourmet, a takeout deli next door to Nage, and Big Chill Surf Cantina, a Southern California-inspired beach bar on Coastal Highway. “I can’t think of another 10,000-person population that has as much culinary ability and talent as what’s going on in Rehoboth and Lewes,” Grapski notes proudly.

A long-time favorite is the Blue Moon Restaurant on Baltimore Avenue. It is part of Rehoboth’s vibrant and influential gay community, which has ties to D.C. as well. Another favorite, on Coastal Highway, is Bin 66, known for its great wine selection and popular tastings every Friday and Saturday evening.

More information on Rehoboth’s dining scene can be found at RehobothFoodie.com

Get Active

Along the mile-long stretch of beach are a number of watersport activities, including stand-up paddle boarding (SUP), wind surfing and kayaking. Learn to surf with lessons from Liquid Surf Shop. DelMarVa Board Sport Adventures offers rentals of stand-up paddle boards, kayaks and windsurfing gear, as well as lessons and SUP fitness and yoga classes.

Spend a few hours like a local surf fishing at popular spots such as Tower Road, 3R’s Road, the area just north of Indian River Inlet, Cape Henlopen Point, Haven Road and the Navy Jetty area within Cape Henlopen State Park.

Miles of trails for both hiking and biking link Rehoboth to neighboring beaches and parks. The newly completed Gordon’s Pond Trail links Cape Henlopen State Park to Gordon’s Pond and connects with the existing Junction and Breakwater Trail.

This year marks the 50th anniversary of both Cape Henlopen State Park and the Cape May-Lewes Ferry, which travels 17 miles on an 85-minute cruise between New Jersey and Delaware. Passing historic lighthouses and harbors, the ferry connects points such as Wildwood, Stone Harbor, Avalon, Ocean City and the rest of the Jersey Shore with Rehoboth and other southern Delaware beaches.
The Cape Water Taxi Tours provide residents and visitors of Lewes, Rehoboth, Dewey and Long Neck (Millsboro) a hassle- and traffic-free way to travel up and down the coast and within the inland waterways. Different types of tours, from taxi services to historic tours, are available. The tours are also picnic- and alcohol-friendly.

Stay

From boardwalk hotels to charming bed-and-breakfasts – not to mention rentals by the week – there are many options to stay over in Rehoboth.

New hotels to the area include The Dogfish Inn, located in the previous Vesuvio Motel overlooking the harbor in downtown Lewes. Dogfish Head Brewery owners Sam and Mariah Calagione opened the inn next to their popular brewpub.

The Bellmoor Inn and Spa seaside resort features quaint cottage décor with full-service day spa amenities. At Melissa’s is the only completely gluten-free B&B in Rehoboth Beach.
The new oceanfront saltwater pool and Sandcrab beach bar at the Atlantic Sands Hotel and Conference Center both overlook the boardwalk. In addition, the property’s Atlantic Boardwalk Grille is introducing new menus.

Alison Schafer • May 21, 2014

Welcome to Georgetown, Hyde-Addison Elementary School – even though you’ve been here since 1907.

Hyde-Addison, on the west side of Georgetown between P and O Streets, is growing too big for its buildings: Hyde for pre-kindergarteners through 2nd graders and Addison for 3rd through 5th graders. The school needs basic work to keep up with the latest ideas in teaching and learning.

The first part of the project will retrofit the Hyde building to make it more accessible and enable it to accommodate more students. The second part of the project is the construction of a media center, a gym, a cafeteria and a walkway connecting the two buildings.

Dana Nerenberg, Hyde-Addison’s principal, who will be leaving at the end of the school year to be with her fiance in Oregon said, “The most important part of the renovation is to improve learning conditions for our students. We will enjoy new lighting, flooring and furnishings in every space. We are also excited to have bathrooms adjacent to every classroom. This will be convenient and preserve learning time.”

Hyde is bursting at the seams with children. Some of them are products of the general baby boom in Georgetown. (Visit any local park – they’re all swarming with little ones and their nannies.) And some of the pressure on Hyde comes from the expansion of the school’s in-boundary population and the possibility that Burleith’s kids will be added to the Hyde pool in the near future.

For some time now, Hyde-Addison has been moving, slowly, through all the layers of bureaucracy that embrace – or encumber – the D.C. school system, the city itself and, perhaps most onerous of all, Georgetown. One of the reasons Georgetown looks like, well, Georgetown, is because there are many fierce guardians keeping it that way.

The one that strikes the most trepidation into the hearts of the legions of architects, engineers, planners, shopkeepers and plain ol’ rich people who populate the neighborhood is the Old Georgetown Board, whose message is simple: “My name is OGB, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!” (Sorry, Percy Bysshe Shelley.)

Coming before the OGB for the fifth time in April, Hyde-Addison got preliminary approval to proceed, which is a great step forward. As Hyde parent and former ANC commissioner John Lever diplomatically noted, “As with all large public efforts in Georgetown, it must go through several different review bodies.”

The OGB is not the last stop for Hyde. After the project gets OGB and Commission of Fine Arts approval, the school will coordinate with the District’s Department of General Services to begin work next school year or as soon as all the permits are in place.

Architectural rendering of Hyde-Addison Elementary School

Georgetowner • May 19, 2014

I can always tell when I am playing golf with someone who started playing early in life. There is a degree of confidence present in the way they choose clubs, address the ball and shrug off bad shots that suggests a long relationship with the game. They are usually in decent physical shape, don’t drink on the course, have good manners and seem well organized. I didn’t start playing until my mid-twenties.

This past Saturday, I arrived for a tee time at Raspberry Falls in Loudoun, and there were 320 kids there for the skills assessment day of the Loudoun Junior Golf Association. I was absolutely floored. LJGA President Charlie Hoffman spent an hour educating me about the league and turning my astonishment into admiration. Born out of Leesburg Parks and Recreation in 2004, the league has since become its own 501(c)3 and grown to include 12 golf courses, both private and public, and now has corporate sponsors like ExxonMobil and Jersey Mikes.

The price for annual membership is $275. This includes an assessment, four lessons (chipping, putting, woods and irons), score keeping and etiquette instruction and participation in six tournaments. There are five divisions to accommodate every skill level and age. Satisfying their annual volunteer requirement, PGA pros happily lend their time to these clinics, ensuring top-notch instruction. All positions are volunteer-based, and most, if not all, of the volunteers have or have had children in the league. Raspberry Golf Academy and Goose Creek paid for the uniforms this year. This is not the Bad News Bears sponsored by Chico’s Bail Bonds. This is a well thought out, responsibly grown and accessible golf program for kids, one which is encouraging its footprint to be copied.

Spending a day talking to golf professionals in Fairfax County and finally back to Washington, D.C., to see what junior golf programs were available presented a different story from Loudoun. Junior golf outside of private clubs in Fairfax County also began at Parks and Recreation, and for the most part, still is where the majority of junior leagues are found. Five county-owned courses in Fairfax County have been competing in league play for a couple of years now, according to Jeff Winkle, General Manager of Oak Marr Golf Complex. While Fairfax County has some good courses, most of the tournaments and clinics for juniors are at par 3 courses. Loudoun kids are playing courses like Lansdowne Resort, River Creek and Raspberry Falls.

Washington, D.C., junior golfers have even less of a chance to experience different types of courses. There are some great programs like the First Tee of Greater Washington and Paul Berry’s Get Hooked on Golf programs. If you are a child in D.C. public schools and want to take the six-week Get Hooked on Golf Clinic, it will be provided at no cost, including transportation. Once you finish the clinic, the organization will pay for your rounds at East Potomac Golf Course. This is made possible in conjunction with D.C. Friends of Ireland and the PGA of America, which partners with the program.

These programs are a wonderful resource, but the three courses in D.C. are extremely crowded, and variety is limited. Terry McFarland, General Manager of Rock Creek Golf Course, worked with the PGA of America to form leagues last year, but there were not enough participants at the three courses to sustain a program. He said he would love to see a situation where the course would be active with golf leagues, but it would need to make good business sense for the three D.C. courses.

The difference between these programs and Loudoun is that the parents and volunteers are the ones running the leagues. If parents ran the leagues in D.C. and Fairfax County, as they seem to do in so many other sports, they could compete with other areas and visit their courses. LJGA’s Hoffman says he would love to be able to compete with other areas and work with other organizations and would even help set them up. The PGA of America says the same thing.

“I will come talk to anyone, anywhere, that wants to start a golf league for kids,” says Bob Heintz, Junior Golf Director for the Mid-Atlantic section of the PGA of America. Heintz says that he has gone to talk to Loudoun over the years and is glad to see them doing well. “Leagues do not even have to be PGA members to have PGA support,” he says.

It seems that there is room here for all sides of the equation to benefit. League play, organized by D.C. and Fairfax Volunteers, however large, could work with other leagues like Loudoun to allow their kids access to more courses in the area. Golf courses, county and non-county alike, can focus on providing the best facilities for play they can and be paid for it. Sponsors that are willing to help kids play golf can show support for these leagues and have tax benefits. Lastly, as a community, we can reap the benefits created from raising more children in the area that espouse the good qualities that the game of golf seems to install in them.

For answers to your questions, comments or suggestions, please email:

wally@wandergolf.com

Georgetowner • May 12, 2014

Middleburg

Home Farm Store – Friday night tastings featuring wine, ciders and beer, along with a showcase of local artisan food and meat. Take home samples and recipe cards printed with ideas for your weekend table. 1 E. Every Friday from 5 p.m. – 7 p.m. 1 E. Washington Street. HomFarmStore.com

Live Music at Greenhill Winery and
Vineyards – Live music featuring Lance Trussell, a classical guitarist, composer and teacher based in Frederick County, Md. Trussell performs in a wide variety of styles, including Spanish classical, jazz, folk, celtic, bossa nova and pop from the 1950s and 60s. Saturday, May 17, 5-7 p.m. Visit GreenHillVineyards.com/events for the complete schedule.

Loudon County

Notaviva Vineyards Wine Murder Mystery Dinner Theater – Stage Coach Theatre Company’s production of “The Comic Book Murders,” in which a group of offbeat superheroes commemorate their victory against the villainous army of the Narlagons with a special dinner. Tickets include a catered buffet meal from Roaming Rotisserie and a dessert bar. May 9 and 10, 7-10 p.m. 13724 Sagle Rd., Purcellville. Call 540-668-6756 or visit
NotavivaVineyards.com.

Science Saturdays at the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum – Immersions in science, technology, engineering and math (STEM) concepts at the Steven F. Udvar-Hazy Center, with hands-on activities and demonstrations related to aviation and space exploration. Science Saturday is the second Saturday of each month (May 10), 10 a.m.-3 p.m. 14390 Air and Space Museum Pkwy., Chantilly. For details, visit nasm.si.edu/udvarhazy.
Doukenie Winery’s Bistro Nights – Every Friday night through Sept. 26: live music, authentic Italian or Greek food and a glass or bottle of Doukenie wine. Rain or shine, 6-9 p.m. Doukenie Winery, 14727 Mountain Rd., Purcellville. For details, visit DoukenieWinery.com.

Glenfiddich Farm Cooking Class- Cooking classes by renowned cookbook author and food writer Olwen Woodier in her large modernized kitchen on a 1840s farm just outside Leesburg. The two-hour class includes demonstrations from a demo-mirrored island with an eight-burner Wolf cooktop, hands-on participation and a four-course meal. May 17, 10:30 a.m.-2 p.m. 17642 Canby Rd., Leesburg. For details, visit GlenFarmCookery.com.

Charlottesville

Hatton Ferry – Every Saturday and Sunday until Oct. 26: rides on the Hatton Ferry, a historic ferry across the James River and the only poled ferry still operating in the U.S. The Hatton Ferry operates free of charge (donations are appreciated). Under ideal conditions, a round-trip crossing takes about 30-45 minutes. 10120 Hatton Ferry Rd., Scottsville. For details, visit TheHattonFerry.org.

Crozet Arts & Crafts Festival 2014 –
Entertainment, wine tasting and more than 100 artists are featured at the festival, on Saturday and Sunday, May 10-11, rain or shine. Claudius Crozet Park, 1075 Park Rd., Crozet.

Yappy Hours at Keswick Vineyards – At the vineyard on Dog Day Sundays: your furry friend and visitors from local animal shelters. A donation to the visiting shelter is made for every bottle of wine purchased. Sundays through Nov. 2, noon-3 p.m. 1575 Keswick Winery Drive, Keswick. For details, visit KeswickVineyards.com.

King Family Vineyards Annual Spring Barbeque – BBQ and wine pairings on Sunday, May 18. The Barbeque Exchange will be serving noon-5 p.m. and the Tasting Room and patios will stay open until 7 p.m. Tickets are $16. 6550 Roseland Farm Lane, Crozet.

Pharsalia Folk Life Festival – Costumed interpreters performing 200-year-old daily tasks, vendors selling period products, live music, food and drink and guided tours of Pharsalia, an antebellum plantation home listed on the National Register of Historic Places and the Virginia Landmarks Register. Pharsalia is celebrating its 200th anniversary this year. Saturday and Sunday, May 17-18, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. 2333 Pharsalia Road, Tyro. For details, visit pharsaliaevents.com.

Paulina Phelps • May 9, 2014

With its sprawling countryside and 46,000 farms, Virginia is home to dozens of shops filled with local and organic products. These country stores are tucked away on the quaint main streets of small-town Virginia, offering fresh, homegrown foods to those in the know. Here are a few shops in Northern Virginia offering artisanal cheeses, meats and sweets:

Back Creek Farms has been making pure maple syrup in Monterey since 1838. The family-owned farm got its name from its traditional production process of collecting sugar water from the trees that line the surrounding creeks. Buckets and open pans are used to make syrup, along with modern pumps. Back Creek’s products are sold throughout Virginia at stores such as the Little House Green Grocery in Richmond and the Monticello Gift Shop and Virginia Made Shop in the Shenandoah Valley.

Considered a go-to in Middleburg, The Home Farm Store is Ayrshire Farm’s butcher shop and grocery store, selling a variety of products made by Virginia artisans and others. Among the store’s many weekend events are “Sips and Snacks” on Friday evenings and cooking demonstrations on Saturday afternoons.

Down the road, The Whole Ox is an artisanal butcher located in The Plains. Derek and Amanda Luhowiak opened the shop, housed in an old trading depot, in 2011. Prior to opening The Whole Ox, the couple owned and operated Local 647, a food truck that traveled all over Northern Virginia. The truck was famous for its half-pound grass-fed burger, featured on the Today Show.

Today, The Whole Ox sells ethically produced products, the majority of which are sourced from Virginia. The shop’s mulberry vinegar comes from Lindera Farms in Linden. Ol’ Red Eye hot sauce is made from smoked habanero peppers aged in oak barrels from Marshall.

One of the all-homemade sausages is the “Sammy Davis,” made with juniper, coriander, bay leaf and pork.

Heading southwest, The Market at Grelen in Somerset boasts a full community calendar, complete with lunch series, dinner and concert combos and workshops. Grelen has a seasonal farm market, garden shop and café offering a variety of treats made from local ingredients. Favorites include molasses cookies, Grelen ice cream and sorbet made with Grelen fruit and local cream and local cheeses from Caromont Farm in Esmont.

Just outside of Charlottesville in Free Union, farmers (and couple) Erica Hellen and Joel Slezak started Free Union Grass Farm on Slezak’s family land in 2010. According to their farming philosophy, “Free Union Grass Farm is a holistic livestock operation that utilizes modern techniques as well as pre-industrial, timeless ecological principles to produce nourishing food for our community.” The farm’s products are sold mainly in Charlottesville and Richmond, but there are plans to expand. “Having a presence in D.C. is definitely a goal for the near future,” Slezak said.

Out west, Polyface Farms is another pasture-based meat and dairy producer in Swoope. Since 1961, this multi-generational business has provided top-quality non-industrial foods, including beef, pork, poultry, and rabbits. The farm’s objective is to heal unethical practices and thoughts surrounding food. Their products can be found in a number of shops across the state, including Rebecca’s Natural Foods in Charlottesville, Ellwood Thompson’s in Richmond, Off the Vine in Williamsburg and The Organic Butcher in McLean. As you venture out this spring, enjoy the artisanal foods found in our own bountiful “backyard.” [gallery ids="101694,143938,143936,143932" nav="thumbs"]

Stacy Notaras Murphy •

*Dear Stacy:*

I am struggling with my relationship with my elementary school-aged daughter. She is my firstborn and we have always had a good relationship, but recently she has started rejecting many of the activities we used to enjoy as a family. She has been doing ballet since she was two, but now she refuses to go to class. It’s a fight every week. She also gets very frustrated when I help her with her schoolwork. She is falling behind in reading and I want to help her (I was very good in school), but she gets angry and then won’t do anything at all. My husband has a much better rapport with her lately and I am jealous that she is more comfortable taking direction from him. Every day I try to start off new, with a plan to be her biggest cheerleader, but it usually takes a negative turn and we wind up yelling at each other. I never thought I would be this kind of a mom.
– Disappointed

Dear Disappointed,

Whew – I can relate to this letter! I have been afraid of the teenage years since the moment I found out I was pregnant with a girl. Although, chronologically, mine is only in kindergarten, attitude-wise she’s already giving us a hint of what those years might be like. My immediate advice is for you to be gentler with her, and with yourself when responding.

My hope is that you can separate your hopes and dreams for Daughter from the reality of Daughter. She has outgrown ballet, as most of us do. Maybe it’s sooner than you would have liked, but she is not you. Meanwhile, not all of us mothers are teachers by nature (especially those who were naturally “very good in school”). You just might not be the best reading coach for Daughter. What you are, and what you should always strive to be, is the right guide for her.

This means that you are the one to guide her toward the right tutors, coaches and activities, those that will help her thrive. Yes, that person might be Dad for a period of time, but even he won’t be the Chosen One forever. You will need other resources. Be proactive and start compiling a list.

The daily fights sound so exhausting, but most kids don’t actually seek out opportunities to be irritating (surprising as that may sound). Take some time to stand outside the regularly scheduled arguments – what’s really happening during those times? Are you missing something she’s asking for? Could Dad be a helpful support, preventing you from being so overwhelmed that you do and say things you regret? What about asking Daughter what she thinks? Even at a very young age, she might have some insight about what you both can do to soften those difficult moments.

In the short term, this kind of negotiation could make life more bearable. But in the long term? You just might teach her an invaluable lesson: while all our parents are fallible humans, they are also always on our team.

Stacy Notaras Murphy [www.stacymurphyLPC.com](http://www.stacymurphylpc.com/) is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to [stacy@georgetowner.com](mailto:Stacy@georgetowner.com).

Corrie Dyke • April 23, 2014

An up and coming wine destination unlike any other, Virginia’s deep wine history dates back to Jamestown and the settlers who each tended 10 vines. Vintner Thomas Jefferson made it his life mission to produce a successful vineyard and their experimental harvesting now yields the region’s award-winning wines. Last October, the seventh edition of The World Atlas of Wine by Jancis Robinson and Hugh Johnson featured Virginia wines for the first time. Time Magazine’s article on the book even named Virginia the “newest chapter in American wine history” calling Boxwood Estate’s merlot blends “wines that California would have to respect”. With more than 230 wineries spanning the Commonwealth, there is no better way to take in the vino, scenery and historic sites than through the many trails and tours.

The array of routes allow for a fun, educational day experiencing multiple wineries with two or 20 people. Meet the winemakers, visit a part of the countryside you otherwise wouldn’t and most importantly grow in your knowledge of Virginia wines. Here are a number of trails and tours to check out this season, visit VirginiawWine.org for a state-wide list. Cheers!

The Great Skedaddle: Wine on 29
Pearmund Cellars, Vint Hill Craft Winery and Winery at Bull Run make up this wine trail formed along Route 29, the path of The Great Skedaddle, a term used to describe the unorganized retreat of Union troops back to Washington after their unexpected defeat at the first battle of Bull Run in 1861.

The Blue Ride Wine Way
The Blue Ridge Wine Way is recognized as Virginia’s premier wine region featuring five counties in the Northern Virginia region. Wineries include; Gray Ghost Vineyards, LaGrange Winery, Mediterranean Winery, Molon Lave, Narmada Winery, Oasis Winery, Pearmund Cellars, Rappahannock Cellars and Unicorn Winery. This trail is just under an hour drive from D.C. BlueRidgeWineWay.com

Northern Neck/Chesapeake Bay Trail
The Chesapeake Bay Wine Trail features nine wineries which include; Oak Crest Winery, Ingleside Vineyards, Belle Mount Vineyards, General’s Ridge Vineyard, Vault Field Vineyards, Athena Vineyard and Winery, Jacey Vineyards, Good Luck Cellars and The Dog and Oyster. April 26 is the 2nd Annual Spring Oyster Crawl on the Wine Trail. Visit ChesapeakeBayWineTrail.com for more information.

Loudoun County Wine Trail
The wine trail of Loudoun Country is so large it is broken into five clusters; Loudoun Heights, Waterford, Potomac, Mosby, Harmony and Snickers Gap. Find the complete list of more than 30 wineries at VisitLoudoun.org and look for the developing LoudounWineTrail.com

211 Scenic Vino Trail
The Vino Trail on Route 211 leads to Shenandoah National Park and runs beside the quaint village of Little Washington. Along the way sit five wineries; Unicorn, Magnolia, Gray Ghost, Narmada, Gadino, Little Washington and Quievremont. 211winetrail.com

Monticello Wine Trail
The wineries on the Monticello Wine Trail were inspired by Thomas Jefferson’s vision of winemaking and claim the birthplace of American wine. This Charlottesville trail holds 30 wineries. MonticelloWineTrail.org

Area Services and Guided Tour Companies

Divine Wine Tours of Virginia;
Fairfax Va.

855-384-6382

divinewineva.com

Dominion Wine Tour;
Catharpin, Va.

571-330-5406

dominionwinetours.com

Point to Point Limousines;
Catharpin, Va.

703-771-8100

PointToPointLimo.com

Reston Limousines;
Reston Va.

703-478-0500

restonlimo.com

Chariots for Hire;
Sterling, Va.

703-639-4957
chariotsforhire.reachlocal.com

Boomerang Tours; Washington
D.C.

202-217-2055

RideTheBoomerang.com

Fairfax Limo Wine Tours; Sterling, Va.

703-229-5057

Fairfax-limo.com