Living

Robert Devaney • January 17, 2014

A mere two hours or so from the nation’s capital is one of the most historic areas of America: the Northern Neck of Virginia, the birthplace of George Washington, James Madison, James Monroe and Robert E. Lee. Because of its early influence on the new nation, this peninsula, which lies between the Potomac and Rappahannock Rivers, has been called “the Athens of the New World” and “the garden of Virginia.”

Rich with tobacco exports, the plantation-owning society was a powerful leader with river transport so easily at hand, but the peninsula was left behind by the railroad and the nation’s expansion. This pause in time may prove in the years ahead to be beneficial for the region, which is gaining newcomers via retiring baby-boomers, second homeowners, boaters and water enthusiasts.

While the English explorer, Captain John Smith, discovered the land where eight Algonquian tribes lived in 1608, you can drive south of Fredericksburg, Va., turn off Interstate 95 and get on the main road, King’s Highway, and take it easy. This is Route 3, which has also been called Historyland Highway.

From Montross down to Irvington and perhaps checking out some places on the southern banks of the Rappahannock on the Middle Neck, as it is called, this can be a trip not merely down memory’s lane but an active adventure, whether boating, sailing, fishing, biking, hiking, antiquing, eagle watching, dining, vineyard exploring or just going to the beach.

Smith saw the Northern Neck “as a place heaven and earth never agreed better to frame man’s habitation.” Today, more and more people seem to agree with him, too.

The George Washington Birthplace National Monument on Popes Creek with home and farm (not the original) evoke the 1700s. Stratford Hall, home of the Lee family, is a lively place. It holds various workshops during the summer, and in other buildings on the grounds it rents rooms and cabins.

There are many historic attractions to see, but save time for the Reedville Fishermen’s Museum, the Steamboat Era Museum in Irvington and historic Christ Church in Weems. Also consider the Mary Ball Washington Museum in Lancaster.

There are marinas and beaches for boating and water sports – it’s all about the water along this peninsula of eastern Virginia’s Tidewater that claims more than 1,000 miles of shoreline.

There is also Belle Isle State Park, Bush Mill Stream Natural Area Preserve, Caledon Natural Area, Dameron Marsh Natural area and Westmoreland State Park. Along with the Northern Neck Birding Trail, these wildlife spots offer a chance to see bald eagles soaring in the sky above.

Although the Northern Neck seems like a great getaway secret newly revealed—its tourist board’s slogan is “Experience the Road Less Traveled”—there was a time when Washingtonians flocked to its Colonial Beach on the tidal Potomac. There were even barges where gambling was legal, as the Potomac is controlled by Maryland all the way to the Virginia shoreline. It was the time when steamboats crisscrossed the Chesapeake Bay.

Today, local connections continue. The Rappahanock Oyster Company, located in Topping, has an outpost in DC at Union Market on Fifth Street, NE. Chef Troy Clayton, owner of Geranio Restaurant on King Street in Alexandria, along with business Thomy Moore, formerly with the Clyde’s Restaurant Group, opened the Landing Restaurant and Waterfront Bar at Coles Point Marina in May.

The Northern Neck is justly proud of its wineries: Athena Winery near Burgess and Wicomico Church, Belle Mount Vineyards in Warsaw, Dog and Oyster Vineyard in Irvington, General’s Ridge Vineyard in Hague, Good Luck Cellars in Kilmarnock, the Hague Winery in Hague, Ingleside Plantation Vineyards in Oak Grove, Jacey Vineyards in Wicomico Church, Oak Crest Winery in King George and Vault Field Vineyards near Kinsdale. The region has an official wine appellation: Northern Neck George Washington Birthplace American Viticultural Area.

You may be visiting friends or family or just camping, but sometimes a great resort is required. The Tides at Irvington is that place. It is a world-class inn with a golf course, spa and marina at the southern tip of the peninsula. It often uses the sailing teachers from Norton’s Yacht Sales in Deltaville across the Rappahannock on the Middle Neck. Owned by Carolyn Norton Schmalenberger and Ken Schmalenberger, Norton’s sells, fixes and charters boats—and can teach you how to sail. Also not to be missed in Irvington are bed-and-breakfast Hope and Glory and Nate’s Trick Dog Cafe.

Back up in Montross, sample Angelo’s pizza. For great sandwiches and pastries, try Art of Coffee in Montross or the Daily, which is down the road in Warsaw. Local farms offer produce to weekenders as well as to restaurants in the District and elsewhere. Virginia ham? You know it, and someone mentioned Whitley’s peanuts and Joe Lewis’s tomatoes, to name but a few of the top items to bring home besides the history lessons. [gallery ids="99244,104149,104152" nav="thumbs"]

Georgetowner •

Georgetown is known for the decadent dining, luxury homes, society nightlife, and of course, M Street fashion. This week we style stalked those milling around the streets of Georgetown looking for this summer’s most popular trends. With a forecast of excessive heat and humidity weighing down our wardrobes, it’s been a challenge to stay and look cool simultaneously. However, these street fashionistas didn’t let a little heat cramp their style. With a combination of vivid, electrifying colors and cool, classic whites, these ladies looked chic and crisp in their summer whites and summer brights. [gallery ids="99993,99994,99995,99996,99997,99998" nav="thumbs"]

Georgetowner •

The rain seems to be falling harder and colder every day, turning the streets of D.C. into veritable rivers. Unfortunately, splashing through puddles tand crunching through fallen leaves in those strappy summer sandals just isn’t cutting it anymore. The fall season is the start of boot season, and D.C. stores are stocking their shelves with cute knee-highs, heeled and ankle boots to keep those tootsies warm.
[gallery ids="100330,108567,108562,108557,108552,108576,108547,108580,108584,108542,108588,108572" nav="thumbs"]

Ari Post •

Nestled safely within the Allegheny Mountains
in the small community of White Sulphur
Springs, W.Va., lies one of this country’s most
venerable and longstanding luxury resorts. Since
1778, The Greenbrier has hosted distinguished
guests from around the world, setting the standard
for luxury accommodations in the United
States while managing to continually reinvent
itself for each new generation.

Once known by the Southern elite as the “Queen
of the Watering Places,” this sprawling estate in
the lush foothills of the Appalachian Mountainsis one of the premier getaways on the East Coast.
With the very best of comfort and accommodations,
spa treatments, leisure pursuits and worldclass
cuisine, The Greenbrier brings together all
the luxuries of the world’s finest resorts with the
distinctive history and character of the region.
In 1948, The Greenbrier teamed with another
national institution, Dorothy Draper & Company,
one of the country’s oldest and most established
interior design firms, named for its founder, a
doyenne of interior design from the 1920s to the
1960s. With Dorothy Draper, The Greenbrier
once again reinvented itself, reconstructing its
image at the forefront of haute design to meet the
postwar era head-on.

As the Greenbrier evolved, so did Dorothy
Draper & Co. The two institutions have been
working and growing together for over 60 years
to ensure that guests receive the very best.
Along the way, they have enjoyed a relationship
immersed in bold colors, elegant patterns,
and The Greenbrier’s signature green and white
stripes.

During the weekend of Jan. 24-26, guests will
have the opportunity to go behind the scenes of
The Greenbrier’s signature style with one of the
most highly regarded interior designers in the
country, Carleton Varney. Owner and president
of Dorothy Draper & Co., Varney is a protege of
Draper herself.

During this landmark event, the first-ever
Carleton Varney weekend, guests will have
exclusive access to Varney. The weekend schedule
includes seminars and talks, private walking
tours, book signings, afternoon tea and an exclusive
cocktail reception with “Mr. Color” himself.
With Varney on hand, guests will discover why
The Greenbrier’s look is truly one of a kind.
“We are thrilled to launch our new Discovery
Series at The Greenbrier, which will allow guests
to experience a different side of the resort while
learning from, and interacting with, our diverse
group of assembled experts in the fields of art
and antiques, design, food and wine and more,”
said Jeffrey Kmiec, president of The Greenbrier.
“It’s only fitting that we should inaugurate this
exciting new annual series of fascinating personalities
with a weekend with Carleton Varney, the
legendary interior designer and our good friend,
who has been with The Greenbrier for 50 years,
carrying on the extraordinary legacy of Dorothy
Draper.”

The Varney design philosophy stresses “the use
of bright colors and the rejection of all that is
impractical, uncomfortable and drab.” Here is a
listing of weekend highlights, sure to attract the
attention of any and all tastemakers, from those
looking for inspiration to redecorate their living
room to design-industry professionals.

Friday, January 24
6-7 p.m. – “Cocktails with Carleton” in the
State Suite

Carleton Varney invites guests to join him for
cocktails in The Greenbrier’s highly acclaimed
State Suite. The State Suite boasts one of the
most impressive entrance foyers found anywhere
on the estate, showcasing The Greenbrier’s traditional
black and white marble tile. Cocktails
and dry snacks will be served as guests mix and
mingle with Varney.

Saturday, January 25
10:30 a.m. – “The Decoration History of The
Greenbrier” in the Upper Lobby
The elegant interior and exterior décor of the
current hotel is traced from its 1913 beginnings
during this fireside chat hosted by Varney.
Though the hotel is well known for the dramatic
transformation of the 1940s, contributions to
the unique dimensions and ambience have been
witnessed each decade.

4 p.m. – Afternoon Tea with Carleton Varney
in the Main Dining Room
Live piano music and dancers will provide
entertainment as guests savor tea and delicacies.
Varney will be available to sign copies of his
books, CDs and DVD.

6-10 p.m. – “Happy Birthday Carleton
Varney!” Dinner Party

Guests will celebrate in style in the Main Dining
Room with Varney and his family members
and friends. The Greenbrier’s timeless classics
will be served beneath Dorothy Draper’s dazzling
custom-made chandeliers. Live music and
dancing complete the evening under the stately
columns and magnificent arched windows that
bring the ambiance of a dignified Southern mansion
to life.

Sunday, January 26
10:30-11:30 a.m. – Interior Tour with Carleton
Varney

Carleton Varney’s design philosophy continues
the tradition of Dorothy Draper, embracing the
imaginative use of vibrant colors, floral patterns
and bold contrasts. Varney and Brinsley
Matthews lead this Sunday morning tour through
the hotel, discussing all things Dorothy Draper.
For more information about the listed events,
call 877-684-5060. [gallery ids="101603,147109" nav="thumbs"]

Ari Post • January 6, 2014

Middleburg, Va., has a quiet beauty. Driving down the winding farm roads outside of Washington, low-lying fences of stacked stone separate the asphalt from the rolling country beyond. Estates sit on expansive greenways shared with rustic, whitewashed barns and grazing horses and cattle.

Perhaps this is why Middleburg continues to be one of the most thriving real estate markets in the region and a favorite area for Washingtonians seeking a country lifestyle. A drive of 30 minutes to two hours from the city, depending on traffic, sprawling country homes are waiting to be bought up around Middleburg.

Because this holiday season is the perfect time to gain a foothold in the countryside, the “12 Ways of In Country Living” highlights some of the most persuasive reasons to think of Middleburg and its environs as more than a weekend getaway.

1. Virginia Wines
There is a rampant misconception that East Coast wines are sweet, simple and unrefined. Bandied about is the truism that our land is unsuitable for growing proper wine grapes. But the truth is that we just got a late start. We are California 30 years ago. Today, more and more of our winemakers produce high-quality dry wines and the world is taking notice. Among the many vineyards of distinction around Middleburg, Chrysalis Winery, Boxwood Estate Winery, Barrel Oak Winery and Linden Vineyards are all worthy stops on any wine enthusiast’s Virginia itinerary.

2. The National Sporting Library and Museum
The colorful history and legendary stories of Loudoun’s long, rich equestrian history are enshrined in the National Sporting Library and Museum. On its shelves and in its galleries are more than 17,000 books dating back to the 16th century. The permanent art collection and special exhibitions chart the county’s sporting traditions back to their roots. NSL.org

3. The Ashby Inn and Restaurant
In the town of Paris, Va., one finds the Ashby Inn and Restaurant. This popular travel destination offers respite for jaded city dwellers seeking nature’s tranquility. A small inn with 10 double rooms, its charming 70-seat restaurant fills up every Saturday. For adventurous couples, nearby Sky Meadow State Park offers hiking and outdoor activities. Looking for less strenuous quality time? The antique shops, tack stores and restaurants of Middleburg are just next door. Another option is to combine exploration and relaxation with a trip to any number of the more than 20 wineries located within 30 minutes of the inn. AshbyInn.com

4. The Salamander Resort
Salamander Resort & Spa in Middleburg formally opened last August on 340 acres just outside Middleburg. The 168-room hotel is built to evoke a country estate, with a pale plaster facade, a stone courtyard, terraces and wrought-iron balconies. At Harrimans, the main restaurant, the menu includes locally harvested delicacies such as blue crab, Rappahannock River oysters, Angus beef from the Plains and Berkshire pork from Pennsylvania. Seasonal, local vegetables star on every plate, many grown in the kitchen gardens or at nearby farms. SalamanderResort.com

5. The Inn at Little Washington
No discussion of luxury dining and accommodations in Virginia is complete without admiration for the Inn at Little Washington, the life’s work of renowned restaurateur Patrick O’Connell. A self-taught chef and pioneer of the local, organic movement, O’Connell is often accused of having “perfect taste.” The Inn is one of the most highly decorated restaurants and hotels in the country – and just about the only one nationally lauded for offering both fine dining and sumptuous guest rooms. TheInnAtLittleWashington.com

6. The Kennedy Estate, from Atoka Properties
Wexford, the iconic John F. Kennedy family estate just west of Middleburg, is for sale for the first time in 22 years. The property was custom-designed by President and Mrs. Kennedy as a family retreat in 1963. Originally 39 acres, the property today comprises 166 acres. The main residence is a beautiful stucco home filled with light with views of the magnificent Blue Ridge Mountains. The Kennedys’ first visit to Wexford after completion was Oct. 25, 1963; they visited again on Nov. 10. Mrs. Kennedy sold the property a year later. Located in Orange County Hunt territory, the property offers riding trails, peaceful surroundings and dramatic views. The property still contains an underground bunker and areas used by Secret Service personnel. $10,995,000. AtokaProperties.com

7. Blue Spring Property, from Long & Foster
Blue Spring, designed by longtime Georgetown resident and architect Robbi Cooper, was created as a rural escape close to Georgetown to accommodate weddings, anniversaries and family holidays. It comprises three buildings around a small formal courtyard. Centrally located in Loudoun County and surrounded by hills, valleys and a stream, it’s a short drive from Washington. On 12.99 acres for $525,000 and on 23.99 acres for $720,000. (The separate approximately 11 acre lot is priced at $195,000.) LongAndFoster.com

8. Scawfell Farm, from Washington Fine Properties
This is a charming and elegant home with the original section dating to c. 1860 and the most recent renovation and additions to 2003. On 58 acres, the house has sweeping views down to the Rappahannock River and past fenced pastures to a cascading stream, pond and two-bedroom log cabin. The home has a beautiful pool, five bedrooms, five baths and two half-baths. There are also several barns, run-in sheds and paddocks with water. $2,195,000. WFP.com

9. Liberty Hall, from Thomas and Talbot Real Estate
Nestled just below Paris, Va., Liberty Hall, c. 1770, is a lovely stone and stucco farmhouse that sits at the foot of the Blue Ridge Mountains on 20 acres surrounded by protected lands. A dream property for lovers of antique homes, it offers captivating views of the countryside and features meticulous exterior renovations. County records indicate that the residence provided room and board for soldiers during the American Revolution. $1,950,000. Thomas-Talbot.com

10. Signal Mountain, from Sheridan MacMahon Realtors
Located in The Plains, Va., the 160-acre Signal Mountian estate sits on the western slope of Bull Run Mountain. Used by the Confederate cavalryman, Colonel Mosby, the estate is rich in beauty and history. The property is entered through an automated gate system built of stone walls and gate piers that support hand forged iron gates. The private drive passes a civil war era stone chimney/foundation, a well, and a spring house. On the property sits a stocked pond and a two-story carriage house. Several main home sites are available to build out the estate. $1,950,000. sheridanmacmahon.com

11. Creighton Farms and Jack Nicklaus Signature Golf Course
Conveniently located on Route 15 in the scenic Route 50 corridor, Creighton Farms is ideal for those who want the luxury and privacy of a first-rate community without an hour’s drive outside the city. Creighton Farms has a large handful of homesites with dramatic views of woods, meadows, mountain ranges and a spectacular golf course. The 900-acre landscape on which the course sits was designed by Jack Nicklaus who is currently building a home behind the ninth green. CreightonFarms.com

12. New Long & Foster Real Estate Office in Purcellville
The growth and development in Loudoun County continues to drive the real estate west of the District. Many already consider the area surrounding Purcellville, just north of Middleburg, to be an up-and-coming area with more modestly priced homes than its sister town. “This site in Purcellville was specifically chosen to give us centralized access to the community and a brand new state-of-the-art facility,” said Michele Stevens, managing broker of Long & Foster’s Middleburg office, who is leading the team at the new Purcellville sales office. [gallery ids="101587,147509,147506,147502,147494,147498" nav="thumbs"]

Georgetowner •

Dear Stacy:
I am a 20-something woman living in D.C. with a great job, good friends and a nice place to live. I really love my life and wouldn’t change a thing about it. But as this month has approached, I have realized that I am really anxious about the holidays because I do not have anyone to bring as a date on New Year’s Eve. I made a resolution last year that I would be with a long-term boyfriend and that did not happen in 2013. Every time I think about the holidays, I see myself getting sad and worried and I know it’s all because of that idea of seeing myself at the party without a boyfriend. I know this sounds stupid, but it’s what is really happening and I don’t know what to do to make it better.
– Alone for the Holiday

Dear Holiday,
Ah, the dreaded New Year’s Resolution Regret. We’ve all been there, but many of us forget about last January’s failure, particularly as the next New Year approaches and we are suddenly convinced that this time will be different! I’m really sorry you are feeling this way and that our culture has conspired to create an event that seems to celebrate only the coupled, while also providing a handy shame-distribution exercise (aka the New Year’s resolution). The good news is that you already know that you have many positive things in your life. Rather than let our anxiety about what’s not happening ruin our holidays, we need to help our brains focus on the good and take gentle care of ourselves. The latter point is the most important – which leads me to my most specific, directive piece of advice:
Don’t go to the party.

The excellent, thoughtful brain that has allowed you to accept all the wonderful assets you named (job/friends/housing), that brain is telling you, well in advance, that it’s a bad idea to attend a New Year’s party where you know you will feel bad about yourself. So don’t go. That very important reason you just thought of? The one that makes it impossible for you not to go to the party? It’s not real. You don’t have to go. Seriously.

This doesn’t mean you have to pretend it’s just a regular Tuesday and head to bed early. Just please find a different way of celebrating. It sounds like an invitation to a party has made you dread the holidays and left your self-esteem in shambles. That’s a lot of power you are giving up. Take it back. You can do this by choosing to travel on Dec. 31, or gathering your single friends together for a wine tasting, or visiting a nursing home that night – the possibilities are endless. But the concept is the same. Focusing on what you don’t have will not make you feel better. Taking good care of yourself (your heart/mind/spirit) is the best thing you can do to launch a new year in your incredible life.

Stacy Notaras Murphy www.stacymurphyLPC.com is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacy@georgetowner.com.

Georgetowner •

Ah, Sugarloaf—what views as our cable car rises above the islands of Guanabara Bay! Sorry, wrong Sugarloaf. We’re not in Rio de Janeiro. We’re 10 miles outside Frederick, Md., on the border of Montgomery County.
Slightly shorter than the one in Brazil and much easier to get to, Maryland’s Sugarloaf Mountain presides over a scenic and historic landscape at the edge of the Blue Ridge.

Designated a National Natural Landmark in 1969, the quartzite monadnock is 1,282 feet high, some 800 feet higher than the surrounding farmland. A lookout point for Union and Confederate forces, it just missed becoming the Presidential retreat we know as Camp David.

Though “Camp Sugarloaf” admittedly lacks gravitas, it was the mountain’s owner, Gordon Strong, who persuaded FDR to look elsewhere (at nearby Catoctin Mountain, as it turned out).

Strong, who managed and inherited his father’s Chicago real estate holdings, earned law degrees from George Washington University (called Columbian University at the time) and worked as a patent attorney.

He started buying land on the mountain in 1903 and by the 1920s owned most of it. At Strong’s request, Frank Lloyd Wright designed an “automobile objective”—a sort of spiral, drive-up observation tower with a nightclub (or a planetarium, in a later version)—for the summit, but Strong finally decided to leave the ’Loaf alone.

He and his wife Louise founded Stronghold, the nonprofit that owns and maintains the mountain as a public park, in 1946, eight years before he died. Stronghold acquired more land and is working to restore the American chestnut to the park. The Strong Mansion, built in 1915, with patio and formal gardens, is rented out for weddings and banquets.
Admission is free to the park, which opens daily at 8 a.m. Hiking Sugarloaf Mountain is suitable for beginners and just challenging enough to interest those more experienced. Trails—satisfyingly uncrowded during the winter months—lead from the East View and West View parking areas.

At the base of the mountain, in the historic village of Comus (postal address: Dickerson), is Sugarloaf Mountain Vineyard, Montgomery County’s only vineyard-winery. Its fields are planted with the grape varieties of Bordeaux—Cabernet Franc, Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Malbec and Petit Verdot—and the white-wine grapes Chardonnay, Pinot Grigio and Viognier. The vineyard opened in 2006. It’s received several awards and was chosen “Best of 2013: Vineyard ” by the Washington Post Express
Sugarloaf Mountain wines may be purchased at many shops in Frederick and Montgomery Counties and in D.C. at the Whole Foods markets in Foggy Bottom, Georgetown and Tenleytown. Their newest white, Penelope, sells at the vineyard’s tasting room for $23.95 per bottle and $263.45 per case. The tasting room is open seven days a week from 12 to 6 p.m. and closed on Christmas and New Year’s Day.

The nearby Comus Inn restaurant was originally the c. 1862 home of farmer Robert Johnson in what was then Johnsonville. During the Antietam Campaign, Union troops fired artillery at the Confederate position on Sugarloaf Mountain from the farm. The present five-bay main house, the handsome result of expansions in the 1880s and around 1900, incorporates Johnson’s chestnut log dwelling.

The view of Sugarloaf that made it a good place to fire your artillery makes the Comus Inn a popular wedding venue. The inn was a 2013 Wedding Wire Bride’s Choice and a Best of Weddings 2013 pick in The Knot.

In December, the inn is open for lunch Thursday to Saturday and dinner Wednesday to Sunday. The dinner menu is sophisticated country American, featuring steak, duck, pork, catch of the day, scallops and crab cake entrees, with family sides of iron skillet Applewood bacon cornbread with sweet sorghum butter, cast-iron baked macaroni and cheese and smoked tomato and cheddar Virginia stone-ground grits.

A few miles away, in Adamstown, is Lilypons Water Gardens, a leading plant and water garden supplier. It began in the early 1900s with G. Leicester Thomas, Sr.’s fondness for goldfish and water lilies. His hobby became a business, Three Springs Fisheries, in 1917. Eight years later, he expanded to 250 acres. The business thrived over the years to the point where a new post office was needed to handle Thomas’ blooming mail-order business. In 1936, the new post office was dedicated to Metropolitan Opera star Lily Pons, who was present for the festivities.

Thomas’ great-granddaughter, Margaret Thomas Koogle, now heads tthe company, which describes itself online as “Serenity for Sale.” Through February, Lilypons is open weekdays from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. However, it is closed from Christmas to New Year’s Day. In March, it will be open seven days a week when many special events are planned.

Georgetowner • December 5, 2013

Dear Stacy:
There are a lot of great things in my life. I enjoy my work, and I have a great relationship with my husband. Our kids are young and keep us really busy, but we seem to be able to strike a work-life balance with some regularity. With so much going for me right now, I find myself really frustrated at the way I react to good news from friends. When they are struggling, I am the first one there with encouragement and assistance (babysitting, casseroles). I am great at swooping in to save the day. But when I hear about their latest achievements, I immediately feel jealous and resentful! Even when it’s something I would never want for myself, I jump right to feeling mad about their successes. I don’t know why I do that? I can usually talk myself out of those feelings, but I really wish I never had them in the first place. I am afraid that this means that underneath that I am just a bad person.
– Secret Bad Person

Dear Secret,
From where I am sitting, this actually isn’t a secret at all. You are admitting that you are actually a real live human being, and not a robot stuck on the “Cheery Disposition” setting. What you are describing is very common and truly not an indicator of a “bad person.” But you do raise an interesting existential question: What makes a good person?

The real answers on this may be found somewhere other than an advice column (I’m thinking a clergyperson or a family member might have more insights into your particular cultural history and experience). But since we’re talking about this, let’s remember that you have a pattern of doing really nice things for others. And even amid this tendency, you can label your family’s work/life balance as basically strong. These facts suggest that your outward actions reflect an inward sense of altruism and generosity – not “bad” characteristics at all.

What I would be curious about is why you are more comfortable helping others when they are down, as compared to helping them celebrate their successes. You acknowledge that this isn’t about wanting what your friends have, so it might be more about just wanting to be the winner. Were you a highly competitive kid? Did your family value you more when you were successful? This is a great opportunity – while Kids are still young – to get clear about the [subconscious] formula you [subconsciously] believe will bring you the most love from and connection with others. It’s important to know that code – whether you choose to recalculate it or leave it be – so that you can make conscious choices with Husband and Kids.

Stacy Notaras Murphy [www.stacymurphyLPC.com](HTTP://WWW.STACYMURPHYLPC.COM) is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. This column is meant for entertainment only, and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacy@georgetowner.com.