Murphy?s Love: Advice on Intimacy and RelationshipsNovember 6, 2013

***DEAR STACY:***
*I am writing on behalf of a friend going through a nasty divorce. He decided to lease an apartment with a female friend who has also just left a long-term relationship. They spend a lot of time together ? cooking and hanging out. Obviously they have developed a bond. It?s not physical yet, but he is growing feelings for this woman. He asked my advice and I think this is a recipe for disaster. They are both in pain and I think it would be like two addicts meeting in rehab or [Alcoholics Anonymous]. They share this one trauma in common and then numb the pain through physical intimacy. I think this could easily become a very codependent relationship. I told him he should avoid this, especially as they each have their own issues to get over, plus, he?s still in the middle of litigation. What do you think?*
*?Concerned Bystander*

**DEAR CONCERNED,**
I think you offered your friend some very thoughtful advice ? particularly since he specifically asked for it. But I warn you to be prepared for him to ignore that advice completely.

Yes, stumbling into a new relationship while going through a divorce is not usually a great idea. Obviously there could be legal issues, but unless both parties are comfortable with this being a rebound-style fling, it?s also risky because feelings could get hurt and Divorcing Guy could wind up alienating a good friend in the process. Still, please try to be gentle with him when he starts a relationship with Roomie. They have chosen to do more than just commiserate with one another, they are building a home together, something they both lost when their respective partnerships ended. When someone feels beaten up and abandoned by a failed relationship, that person looks for comfort wherever he can find it ? it?s human nature. The wheels are already in motion on this one ? Divorcing Guy may be asking for advice but leaving out the detail that he has already started the physical relationship. What he really needs right now is a good friend. Really good friends tell us the truth, as you have, and then keep listening without judgment. He?s going to need a lot more of that as he begins to truly grieve this loss.

***Stacy Notaras Murphy [www.stacymurphyLPC](http://www.stacymurphyLPC.com) is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to [stacy@georgetowner.com](mailto:stacy@georgetowner.com).***