Dear Stacy,
I have a crush on my boss. She is about my age and we have had chemistry from the start of my employment (professional office) three years ago. We both were in relationships at the time I started working, but now are both free and available. I want to ask her out, but I am worried about the outcome. While there are no overt policies against this in our work environment, of course I wonder what could happen if things don’t work out and we still have to work together. Then again, career-wise it makes sense for me to be looking for a new job elsewhere regardless. But then I wonder how long finding a new job will actually take.
You see my dilemma. I’m not normally a risk-taker, but for some reason, I just can’t stop thinking that we might be really good together. Should I put this out of my mind?
– Crushing
Dear Crushing:
Let’s start by acknowledging that you would likely get vastly different advice from a business coach or a career counselor. But as a pro-relationship person, I say: Go for it. If there’s no policy against it, why not give it a try? Every day I sit with people struggling to find connection and partnership in this city. I’m not going to tell you to search for it elsewhere when it might, in fact, be staring at you across the room during a staff meeting. You’re right, this would feel risky, but without some level of risk we never make ourselves available for the really good things in life.
All of this being said, however, please do proceed with caution. She’s The Boss, so that means she is in control of whether this gets any further than an invitation to dinner. Respect her decision. She may have good reasons for keeping her distance (e.g., there’s a secret policy against this or she’s been burned before or she’s planning to quit next week …).
Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed professional counselor in Georgetown. For information about the adjustment group for female college students she is co-leading this fall, visit stacymurphyLPC.com. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacymurphyLPC@gmail.com.
