His ‘Work Wife’ Is a Symptom — Or Worse by Stacy Notaras Murphy
• June 22, 2016

*Dear Stacy,

My wife and I are about to start couples therapy and I am wondering if you think I …

The Real ‘One Weird Trick’ to Weight Loss
• June 10, 2016

We’ve all seen the “one weird trick to” lose 20 pounds, look like a fitness model or something else on Facebook. I have the audacity to write the definitive one-weird-trick […]

Murphy’s Love: Advice on Intimacy and Relationships Everyone Needs Reassurance
•

*Dear Stacy,* *A volunteer job recently exposed my husband of 50 years to a number of single women working with him. I was concerned that one or two women also […]

The Real ‘One Weird Trick’ to Weight Loss
•

We’ve all seen the “one weird trick to” lose 20 pounds, look like a fitness model or something else …

Murphy’s Love: Advice on Intimacy and Relationships Everyone Needs Reassurance
• June 8, 2016

A volunteer job recently exposed my husband of 50 years to a number of single women working with …

Water: Building Better Bodies Five Ways
• May 4, 2016

Drinking enough water is one of the simplest and easiest lifestyle changes you can make, helping you lose weight and keep it off while improving your fitness levels. Here are five things that proper hydration does.

Increases intensity. There is actually no such thing as a lactate threshold. Your muscles do not stop working or get weak because there’s too much lactic acid being produced. Fatigue happens in your brain and as a result of the temperature of your muscle cells. Proper hydration allows your body to regulate its temperature better, keeping you going harder for longer. This leads to better fitness and more fat loss.

Improves recovery. The more water you drink, the less DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness) you will feel. And the less sore you are, the more often you can work out. It follows that you’ll get better results in terms of fat loss and strength.

Regulates appetite. Very often people confuse thirst with hunger. Drinking water — especially before or during a meal — helps people regulate their appetite. In other words, drinking enough water helps you eat less without being hungry.

Protects your joints. Both water and movement are essential for keeping your joints lubricated and your cartilage supple. Without enough water and enough full-range movement, our joints and cartilage can dry out and become painful. Keeping your joints healthy is essential for being able to move and maintain (or establish) a healthy weight.

Displaces high-calorie beverages. The more water you drink, the less juice, soda or other high-calorie beverages you’ll drink (there is only so much room in your stomach). In behavioral change, it is usually much more effective to replace or displace something in your diet than it is to try and eliminate something.

How much water do I need? At True 180 Fitness, we’ve had a lot of success with half your bodyweight in ounces. That is, if I weigh 200 pounds, then I want 100 ounces. We’ve also found that converting this into the number of water bottles you need per day is very helpful, because it’s so simple. For example, if I have a 20-ounce water bottle, then my goal is to drink five of these per day.

A best-selling author and fitness expert, Josef Brandenburg owns True 180 Fitness in Georgetown. Information about his 14-Day trial may be found at true180.fitness.

Murphy’s Love: Advice on Intimacy and Relationships: Conflict Is Growth Struggling to Happen
•

Dear Stacy,

My husband and I fight very frequently. We always have since the start of our relationship six years ago. The fights have no real consistent theme, and we always make up later (we do say we’re sorry) and we try to do better, but it always happens again. I worry that this is an indicator that we are just a bad match. I hope you can tell me what you think about that.

— Bad Match?

Dear Match:

I am so happy to have this chance to write, in no uncertain terms, that arguing is NOT a sign of a bad match. Phew. Glad to have that off my chest. But I probably should explain myself.

First, I want to validate your concerns here. Fighting with your partner is the scariest thing we can do. Husband is the very best person in the world to ground your anxiety, to co-regulate your other emotions and to heal your old wounds; being in conflict with him is terrifying because it feels unsafe to your core. It makes sense that you would be worried when that happens again and again.

But conflict is actually growth struggling to happen between you both. This means it’s healthy and necessary to disagree and express those feelings in your relationship, so that you both can show your vulnerability and reignite your bond. It’s vital to a healthy relationship. The problem is, most of us have no idea how to do it well.

It sounds like you already have a decent structure for these conflicts, since you always say you’re sorry and try to do better. As long as there is no abusive behavior (abusive words or abusive actions), I’d say we just need to fine-tune your structure a bit.
Most of us pick fights with our partner to achieve reinforcement that we are in this together. Maybe once you’ve determined whose fault it was that the kids were picked up late from school, for example, you can pause and drill the argument down to the primary emotions, by saying: “When you didn’t follow through with our plan, I felt alone, like it was all my responsibility” or “When I got confused about the schedule and asked you for help, it felt like I was failing you again.”

For most of us, it’s a murky path to those deeper emotions, so I recommend finding a counselor to be your guide. In any event, try to remind yourself in the moment of argument that your partner’s anger is his way of protesting a feeling of disconnection from you. Sometimes that understanding makes it easier to meet him in the middle.

Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed professional counselor in Georgetown. Visit her on the web at stacymurphyLPC.com. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacymurphyLPC@gmail.com.

Fitness Motivation Pitfalls
• April 20, 2016

Here are five of the most common ways we lose the motivation to work out:

Confusing inspiration with motivation. Most people who do not work out consistently will tell you, “I’m not motivated.” What they actually mean is, “I don’t feel sufficiently inspired.” Inspiration feels great, but is fleeting. If you only showed up to work on the days you were inspired, you’d be unemployed and flat broke. Motivation is something else entirely.

Relying on external motivation. External motivation is pressure from events or people, such as an upcoming wedding or an individual who judges you. Brides are often very motivated to get into the best shape of their lives for the big day. But if their appearance on the big day is their primary motivation, they almost always let themselves go starting on day one of the honeymoon. Actively cultivating your internal motivation is the key to a lifetime of health and fitness (versus riding the perpetual diet roller coaster).

Examples of internal motivation are working out because it helps you manage stress or makes you feel better, sleep better or feel strong. Many fear that taking their focus off their appearance means they won’t change it. The truth is, we will only change how we look by changing how we behave. Internal motivation is far more powerful in changing how we behave long term.

Thinking that all it takes is motivation. Motivation alone will not get you far for very long. To borrow Chip and Dan Heath’s metaphor from “Switch,” getting yourself to change is like riding an elephant. You need both the large, powerful elephant (motivation) and the rider (your logical self) to provide consistent and meaningful direction. We’ve got to break our desires into specific things to do: How many workouts? For how long? What will you do? Do those activities match your goals?

Confusing traits and skills. In upgrading your lifestyle, it’s important to remember that a healthy lifestyle is built from skills, not traits. Eating healthy is about being skilled at planning for the week, prepping and cooking. Consistent exercise is about being skilled at time management and at saying “no” to the inevitable obstacles to following through on your plans. These are skills — like learning to drive a stick shift — not traits like height or eye color. Everyone can develop these skills, and everyone develops skills the same way. It’s a struggle, requiring time and effort, making mistakes and learning how to fix them.

Ignoring your environment. The cliché is true: we actually are products of our environment. If you live in a house full of ice cream and potato chips, you will eat them on a fairly regular basis. This will be the case no matter how motivated you are. What makes humans different from other animals is that we can control and reshape our environment. We can use our self-discipline to remove temptations from our homes.

A best-selling author and fitness expert, Josef Brandenburg owns True 180 Fitness in Georgetown. Information about his 14-Day trial may be found at true180.fitness.

Murphy’s Love: Is It or Isn’t It an Affair?
•

Dear Stacy,

I am work-colleagues with a really incredible woman who is in a bad marriage. For financial and health reasons (her husband has major health issues and she is the breadwinner), she will not get divorced. She and I have feelings for one another. I think she might be my soul mate and we want to spend time together outside of work. I honestly don’t think this would even qualify as an affair, because there is no intimacy between her and her husband. Their relationship is purely platonic. We have been playing the will-they or won’t-they game for several months and I am ready to take that next step. There is just a small voice in my head saying this isn’t right and I am wondering what you think we should do.

– Ready to Move Forward

Dear Ready:

Short answer to what I think you should do: Wait. Long answer: Read below.

I am so very sorry that Soul Mate is married to someone else. But I’m not going to say it’s okay to “take that next step” (read: have sex with her) because she says her relationship with Husband is platonic. If that indeed is the case, then she should feel comfortable introducing you to him, and the three of you should feel comfortable setting up an agreement whereby you will spend time with Soul Mate. Sound comfortable? No? Then, yes, this is an affair.

And let me tell you what the result of an affair is (always): pain and regret. I’m not saying that more conventional relationships do not also carry their own share of pain and regret, but it’s guaranteed in this situation. You need to head into this with your eyes open. Even in the rare instances when the affair-partners have amicable divorces then marry one another, pain and regret are always a part of the story — because the beginning of the relationship was rooted in them.

If Soul Mate really is your soul mate, then it’s your responsibility to take excellent care of her. For starters, that means you owe her the opportunity to begin this relationship with you on a better footing. She needs to be separated. Husband needs to know the deal. And you need to “come out” as a couple at the office. If all of that sounds like too much work, if you just can’t control yourselves and waiting that long seems impossible, then you have to admit that this is about sex and not about soul mates.

And my advice remains the same: Wait. Because anything that starts with such fireworks is likely to end in a flameout.

Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed professional counselor in Georgetown. Visit her on the web at stacymurphyLPC.com. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacymurphyLPC@gmail.com.

BLASTing into D.C.
• April 18, 2016

Billing itself as a “full-service, boutique fitness studio,” the first BLAST outside Georgia — just west of Georgetown, at 2311 M St. NW — held its grand opening March 19.

The brand’s backstory will sound familiar to many.

In the course of carrying her second child, founder Missi Wolf put on weight — a lot of weight. Five feet tall, after giving birth she weighed 206 pounds and had 34 percent body fat. Her doctor categorized her as morbidly obese and borderline diabetic.

That was motivating. Wolf immediately began researching, studying and experimenting in order to create her own personal fitness program, which enabled her to lose 100 pounds in two years and get her body fat out of the danger zone (in the ‘after’ photograph on the website, Wolf has also become a blonde).

That crash program evolved into BLAST, an acronym for Balanced Level of Aerobic and Strength Training. The three parts of the program are classes, metabolic testing and nutritional coaching. Wolf opened her first studio in Atlanta in 2008.

Among the five instructors at the D.C. location are Christa A., a cheerleader for the football team with the objectionable name, whose power song is “Anything” by Calvin Harris. To read more instructor profiles, schedule a class and connect with the BLAST community, visit theblastlife.com.