Don’t start making your list just yet, because the answer is one word. And that magic word is: YOU.
It’s not going to be your therapist, your accountant, your attorney or even your friends. Yes, your posse, of course, is necessary to the process. But at the end of the day, it is little ol’ you that is going to get you through. Let me explain…
Your therapist can help you sort through the emotions; your accountant can tell you the bottom line; your attorney will draft the MSA; your friends will listen. But you hold the cards to the one thing that will propel you to the other side, and that, my friend, is attitude.
What I am about to say will cause the hair on some people’s neck to stand on end. But before the hate mail starts coming in, I ask that you take some time to digest what I am about to say.
Divorce is just another bump in life, albeit a big bump, but a bump nonetheless. People change jobs, move from house to house or city to city, first careers don’t work out, second ones are born. Divorce is no different. How we perceive it, and then react to that perception, is what makes it different.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating divorce. I, myself, was married for 15 years before the plug was pulled. But when faced with this life-change, how you “see” it will make all the difference as to when the phoenix rises from the ashes.
Divorce can cause you to sit, fester and ruin your life OR it can jump-start it. Fact is, you got a divorce; you did not lose a limb or go blind. You can spend countless hours ruminating over something that is over, or you can look at all the doors divorce opens.
You have what hundreds of people every day get taken away from them, and that is the gift of life. Don’t squander it. Divorce has a way of making what you do and don’t want in your relationships, and in life, a lot clearer. Believe it or not, this time is a gift, so use it wisely. Don’t just live through this change, embrace it.
My son told me that we all live to learn. I disagree with him. Only the self-actualized people live to learn, and I invite you to become one of them. Use your divorce to raise you up, not push you down. Divorce robs us all. It robs our children, our sense of safety and security, our self-esteem, our finances, our trust, and our overall well-being.
So how much more will you allow it to rob you of?
We have one life, and none of us know how many chances we will get to course direct and live it the way we were intended to. So, ladies, put on your Katherine Hepburn glasses, and men, adjust those Top Gun Ray-Bans, and get out there and say, “Bring it on!”
Trained in Collaborative Divorce, Debbie Martinez is a certified Mindful Life Coach and Supreme Court Certified Family Mediator. Reach her at debbieatthepowerofdivorcecoach.com.