Georgetowner •

-If somebody tried to launch a new version of that old quiz show, “Truth or Consequences,” it might be a tough sell. In public life—whether it’s the media, entertainment, education or politics—there’s precious little of either. In fact, if there were some modern day rehash, its title would more likely be akin to: “If you tell the truth, there will be consequences”.

The absence of consequences is everywhere: David Hasselhoff had his drunken babbling aired on television and flunked out of “Dancing with the Stars” in the first round. The consequence: He received his own TV show.

The wife of the Prince George’s County Executive was arrested (with her hubby) for corruption in public, but was allowed to keep her seat on the city council—lacking a particularly keen awareness of the consequences.

Speaking of Dancing With the Stars: Bristol Palin managed to make it to the finals of the same show, in spite of the fact that she finished on or near the bottom of the judges’ voting every time out. Her fans, including conservative dance fools who wanted to punish liberals, voted over and over again—sort of the hundred-vote do over.

These days, it would seem, if you lose you can still win. The young Palin said that she wanted to show up all the “haters out there,” apparently aiming to dance the dance of vengeance. She lost in the finals.

In a nearby school system, school officials not only tried to eliminate the letter grade F but also wanted to create a policy in which students, who were caught cheating on tests, were allowed to take the test over.

Fortunately, someone (It may have been the school board, parents, or the superintendent who started the whole thing.) ix-nayed the idea. Finally, there was a consequence for promoting no consequences. That’s the truth.

But please don’t blame me. I don’t want to suffer the consequences of whatever I may have done.

Georgetowner •

Dear Stacy:

I’m a 56-year-old divorcee dating an about-to-be 66-year-old widower. We have been dating for nearly a year and spend most of our free time together. I attend his work functions, and we have mutual friends in common. My companion’s birthday is around New Year’s, and he is planning to retire from a high-profile law
practice soon thereafter. There will be a major celebration in his honor, and he has asked me for my opinions about venues and entertainment (I’m an event planner.). But I will not be invited to the party because his three
grown children will be there, and he has not introduced us yet. Although he told me they knew he was dating, it has come to light recently that they do not know he’s been in an exclusive relationship with me since January.

He has no plans to tell them and shuts down the conversation every time I bring this up. I know he’s not ashamed of me; his friends and coworkers all know my name. I think he’s just not willing to upset the kids’ memories of their mother, who died 10 years ago. I’m trying not to feel embarrassed by the situation, but I really don’t like the way this makes me feel about the children, his deceased spouse, or him quite
frankly. Any advice?

-Feeling Backburnered in Burleith

Dear Burleith:

I understand where you’re coming from. He’s only willing to bring you into his life to a certain point, and that is painful and somewhat embarrassing now that there’s a very public event about to showcase those boundaries. Of course you are struggling with your feelings about his wife and their children, but, if you’ve been reading my columns at all, you know where this is going; I think we need to focus more on your feelings about him and vice versa. You say that he shuts down communication each time you try to broach this subject.
First, I’d suggest that you decide whether this relationship is important enough for you to work through, and if it is hightail it to a couples counselor ASAP. People only “shut down communication” when they are feeling
threatened by another person’s demands, so take the time to learn how to have this conversation sans the fight and flight. If that doesn’t work, we have to start looking at your motivation for staying in a yearlong
relationship with someone who lied about whether his kids knew you existed, who asks for your event planning work product without payment or invitation to said event, and who responds to your emotional needs
by cutting off communication. If those red flags aren’t enough to get you to slow down, then I’d recommend spending some time with your own relationship needs and expectations. Is this what love has always looked like to you? Is that still good enough? I’m rooting for you to say “no more” to being taken advantage of in this
way, but this kind of realization is a process. Finding someone to talk it through is always a
great start.

Dear Stacy:

I’m in love with my married boss. He knows it and flirts with me incessantly. I used to think this was his way of moving toward a relationship or an affair, but it’s pretty obvious he just enjoys playing this game. While I truly hate that part of him, I’m still in love with him, and this saga continues. Please don’t tell me to quit my job; I love what I do, and I’m very good at it. Plus, the economy makes it hard to find something comparable. I’m just miserable each day and want some ideas for how to make life more bearable.

-In Love with the Boss

Dear In Love:

To summarize: You say you are in love with him, he’s an incredible jerk, and you do not want to quit your job. Well, there’s a very simple fix: Just fall out of love with him. It’s not going to be easy. You have maintained your affection for this person, despite his obvious disregard for your feelings, so I’d conclude that willpower is your strong suit. But if you refuse to take yourself out of the same situation that generated these feelings, you are going to have to redirect that determination toward keeping safe from harm. I’d start with blinders and
earplugs at the office. If those efforts don’t appeal to you, please consider finding someone to talk to about why you fell in love with him in the first place. What does the unavailable, manipulative boss-figure represent to you? Is your unrequited fantasy powerful enough to override all your natural, self-care impulses? You are reaching out in an advice column, which shows some sense of self-advocacy, but I know you can be more effective. A friend, a family member, a therapist; just make sure the person is able to hold the mirror tightly so you can truly see the impact of your decisions.

Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing at the Imago Center of DC in Georgetown. www.therapygeorgetown.com. This column is meant for entertainment only, and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Please send your relationship questions to stacy@georgetowner.com.

Georgetowner •

Like many jurisdictions around the country, the District again faces both a decline in tax revenue due to the economy and a number of “spending pressures” that need to be addressed. Just prior to the Thanksgiving break, Mayor Fenty submitted his proposed gap-closing plan for FY 2011, which began on October 1. In addition to this plan, the Mayor also immediately placed a freeze on payroll, hiring and new procurements at the start of the fiscal year. As an exercise in financial management, it behooves all of us to make these important budget decisions early in the fiscal year in order to achieve the highest level of annual savings possible. The Mayor’s plan can be accessed online at: tinyurl.com/27n3cr9.

The Council held a public hearing on the Mayor’s proposal on November 30, which lasted well into the evening. Chairman Gray (now Mayor-Elect) has also held informal conversations with Council members, which will lead to his own plan, a revision of the Mayor’s plan, on which the Council will vote on December 7.

The budget gap we face in FY 2011 is a relatively manageable $188 million. I am, by and large, supportive of the Mayor’s approach, although there are cuts I have concerns about as every member does. To some extent, it would be foolhardy to restore some of these spending cuts now only to have to address them again in April. At that time, Mayor Gray will submit his FY 2012 budget to the Council, and these programs will likely be on the chopping block all over again to address what will be a $350 million shortfall in FY 2012.

Several principles are guiding my thoughts on our budget deliberations: 1.) We cannot continue to live beyond our means, which means not raiding our much-depleted fund balances. 2.) We need to plan for what I think will be continued austerity and a weak recovery from the recession. 3.) We need to focus our resources on the core functions of government.

During the “boom years” of the 2000s, before the financial crash, we added all kinds of new spending and programs to the District budget. We need to take a good hard look at these programs and ask ourselves whether they are absolutely necessary.

The challenges seem daunting on their face, but I believe we can successfully address them in this round. I do think the FY 2012 budget will be a far bigger challenge, but Mayor Gray will have a few months (rather than a few weeks) to look at programs citywide in a systematic way. But for the moment, I think we are moving in a prudent fashion to address our immediate problems in FY 2011.

Georgetowner • December 1, 2010

Dear Darrell,

Is there any advantage in my trying to buy a property before the end of the year, rather than waiting for early Spring of next year?

Bill E

Dear Bill,

From a tax standpoint, there might very well be an advantage for you to buy and close before the end of the year. But each person’s financial situation is unique to that person and is something you should discuss with your accountant or financial advisor.

From a real estate standpoint, there are a couple of useful things to keep in mind:

– If you look at a newly built property, it’s very possible that the builder will be offering end of the year incentives.

– Certain owners may be facing tax consequences of one kind or another, which would be ameliorated by selling before the end of the year. These sellers might be more flexible than usual.

– Prices and interest rates are low—interest rates, historically low. No one knows how these two will change between now and spring of 2011.

Many economists predict that we will see a slow, steady improvement in the economy over the next year or two. If this does happen, it is likely that prices and interest rates will rise. So, the question is: do you want to bet that the economy will be better or worse come spring? Prices already seem to have stabilized in DC. We’ve been fortunate in that regard. Whatever your decision, I encourage you to be in touch with a local Realtor who has a view into our local market. Most of what one hears in the news is based on the national market. To make informed decisions, you need to know what is happening locally.

Darrell Parsons is the Managing Broker of the Georgetown Long & Foster Office. Darrell@LNF.com or 202.944.8400. He blogs at: www.GeorgetownRealEstateNews.blogspot.com

Georgetowner •

Earlier this week, Mayor-Elect Gray had a press conference and briefing about the upcoming challenges the District faces in readdressing our FY 2011 budget (and beyond) in the face of continued decline in revenues. I felt reassured by his comments, specifically his pledge not to use shortsighted budget gimmicks to close the gap. I believe he is also very aware of the tax burden faced by our residents and small businesses and recognizes that we cannot balance the budget on their backs. Raising taxes and failing to curtail spending is a recipe for disaster—and you would find next year we would be back in the same place, at which point taxes would likely be raised next year and the year after that. Fundamentally, we need to restructure what we’re doing.

We have difficult decisions ahead, particularly with respect to rightsizing the government to fit our revenue base. We will need to look at what core functions of the government we cannot do without, and look even harder at those things which are perhaps not as necessary. With two-thirds of our spending attributed to public safety, education and human services, we have to keep everything on the table when considering cuts. Looking at deficits of $188 million in FY 2011 and $345 million in FY 2012, we have simply run out of other options. We must curtail spending now. As the Mayor-Elect rightly pointed out, we have been overspending our revenue for each of the past four years, and this year we will no longer have fund balance or federal stimulus monies to paper over the problem.

I will be making a number of recommendations to help close the budget gap, including across-the-board freezes and cuts as needed in both personnel and procurement expenses. I will also be looking long and hard at spending on discretionary items—those things which we want to do, but which in tough times such as these may not be possible. With election season over, it is time for all of us to step up to the plate and make the difficult decisions we were elected to make. We no longer have the option of waiting until next year, and residents and business owners in the District are counting on us.

Let me end on this note: while Thanksgiving is but one day of the year, I have to say I am truly thankful everyday. Thankful for my family and friends. Thankful for my colleagues and staff. Thankful to have the opportunity to make a difference every day in what I do. So don’t let the week go by without a little reflection and hopefully a nice meal with family and friends too!

Georgetowner •

-The Georgetowner’s editorial, “The Perpetually Delayed Waterfront Park Turns to the Community for More Money”, (November 3, 2010) could not be more wrong. The funds are in hand to complete the Georgetown Waterfront Park in the Spring of 2011. In the past several months, work on Phase 2 of the park has been moving full-steam ahead. The river steps are in place, the pergolas have been erected, and a construction of the fountain, pathways, and riverside promenade is well underway.

Despite the progress, the editorial mistakenly reported that Friends of the Georgetown Waterfront Park continue to seek additional donations from the community to complete Phase 2 of the Park. Not true. The Friends continue to recruit new members and to solicit efforts, but thanks to the Federal and District governments and private donors, sufficient funds have been raised to complete construction of the entire Park.

The editorial posed the rhetorical question: “Is this troubled park currently worth the efforts and resources of an ailing economy?” First, the Georgetown Waterfront Park is not “troubled.” The Park has been a long time coming, and the path forward has not always been straight. But with full funding the park will be completed, as planned, by mid-2011.

More importantly, is the Georgetown Waterfront Park worth the effort and resources, particularly during the current recession? Absolutely, unequivocally, “Yes.” In times of economic hardship, when recreation budgets are stretched, city residents and visitors rely increasingly on public parks and recreation areas. Were the resources of the Federal and District governments and corporate and individual donors that have been used to build the Georgetown Waterfront Park well spent? Take a walk through the park along the glistening Potomac, on a crisp November morning. Priceless.