Fruit-Fly Apocalypse: Summer Advice

July 9, 2015

This is the first summer the biomass of fruit flies in our kitchen and bathrooms seemed to outweigh the human family in our house. After my ultra-clean sister-in-law said she just waits until winter and they all go away, I took to Web to find out how to collect and kill them, right now.

Using mostly vinegar-and-fruit-based recipes, along with some physical trickery, I’ve figured out the more effective ways to undo summer’s reputation as the season of the never-leaving guests.

Probably the easiest trap-and-kill method is to mix some apple-cider vinegar with three drops of dish soap in a wide-mouthed jar. The idea is that the soap breaks the surface tension in the vinegar. The beer bugs land on the irresistible vinegar, sink and drown. Yay!

Another Internet-favorite is to combine vinegar with very ripe fruit — the stuff that seemed to birth the fruit flies in the first place — in a jar and put an inverted cone of paper in the top of a taller jar. Sort of like a minnow trap, the irritating scourges of humanity fly down the cone, through a dime-sized hole in the end, to the delectable mixture at the bottom — and can’t find their way out. My problem with this method is that it doesn’t kill them. OK, I added some dish soap as well, so any hapless horrors that miss the fruit and land in the vinegar, sink and meet their maker. That made me feel better.

A variation on that method is to tightly rubber-band plastic wrap to the top of the jar, poke a small hole in it and hope for the same results. I tried this version initially as I couldn’t easily figure how to secure a wrapped cone of paper, either to itself or the jar. And I like the idea of tossing the wrapped jar in the trash with flies inside, dead or alive.
Simplest is often best. Besides, who wants to lose to something slightly larger than a flea, trying to outsmart it? The fruit and vinegar, with hole-punched plastic wrap, trapped and killed one fly. The paper cone (I finally used one of the leftover shaved-ice cones from a birthday party, and snipped the tip off) netted a dozen or so, some drowned and some still trying to figure a way out.

But the four horsemen of the fruit-fly apocalypse are three drops of dish soap and some apple-cider vinegar, about an inch in a short, wide jelly jar. In 45 minutes one jar reaped destruction on about three dozen souls. (This method is not for Buddhists — they should use the paper cone, without the soap, and release them into the wild.) I now have these stationed in critical flight zones in the kitchen, and one in each bathroom. Soon, I will be rid of the pests, and eventually the vinegar traps.

Why did I write this article instead of letting you Google it yourself? I’ve been living with these beasts for over two weeks now and didn’t look it up until today — after attacking them, mano a mano, with a fly-swatter, and even spraying dog-tick and flea spray in places that were not the dog, to little effect. I thought I’d save you the wait. Enjoy summer.

Don’t Show Your Age this Summer

June 25, 2015

So here’s the good news: the weather is warming up, and we are showing more skin. The bad news is: it’s warming up and we are showing more skin.

All of this past winter’s dry air has likely left you with dull skin. Your skin may not look as fresh as you recall from last summer, and as we get older the effect is more severe.

Taking care of our skin should be a bigger priority. Just about everything that you do to your skin during the course of your lifetime will leave some lasting impression, but the internal aging process is something that happens naturally. Wrinkles, thinning, sagging and dryness are all part of this process. Exposure to the sun definitely ages your skin. But, there is help.
As Dr. Tina B. West, M.D., of the West Institute, says, “Think Maintenance Instead of Surgery.™”

West, founder of the West Institute for Skin, Laser and Body Contouring, is a board certified dermatologist. Since 1996, she has been a leading expert in non-invasive and minimally invasive procedures for facial rejuvenation and maintenance.

“If you ignore your skin, you’re going to suffer the consequences of having to do a major overhaul down the road – whether to address cosmetic issues like sagging, wrinkles and brown spots, or more importantly, skin cancers that may require extensive surgery to remove,” says West.

West is an expert in minimally invasive techniques to maintain the health and appearance of skin of the face and body in women and men. The doctor uses the most advanced techniques in fillers, Botox, and laser surgery to achieve and maintain youthful, healthy skin for life.

As we get older, Elastin and collagen, the proteins that keep your skin strong and elastic, are produced more slowly. And you can’t stop these changes from happening. The West Institute offers services that allow for the face to stimulate the body to produce new collagen, thereby replacing volume and restoring contours to a fuller, more youthful appearance.
Sculptra is a facial injectable that produces subtle results over time. It is long-lasting, but not a quick fix, and requires three treatments, on average, over a few months. Sculptra is not a wrinkle-filler, but rather a volumizer. It is not used directly in lines and folds, but is placed in multiple areas of the face in an attempt to address the volume loss that leads to their appearance. Sculptra helps the body replace the lost collagen that diminishes as we age.

That dreaded fuzz, endearingly known as “peach fuzz,” vellus hair makes applying makeup difficult and is a sure telltale of one’s age. Vellus hair is tough to remove permanently, but there are a few things you can do to temporarily eliminate its appearance. The West Institute offers dermaplaning, which helps reveal radiant, healthier skin – and removes the dreaded fuzz!

Though only temporary, it will leave your skin glowing, without any redness or irritation. Dermaplaning is a quick, non-invasive, painless procedure in which surface dead skin cells and vellus hairs are manually scraped away. Dermaplaning requires absolutely no recovery time. It increases cellular turnover, smoothes and softens skin, and provides immediate results.

To learn more about other services offered by the West Institute, visit [www.westskinlaser.com](http://westskinlaser.com/). The West Institute; 5530 Wisconsin Ave., Suite 925, Chevy Chase, Md.

**Here are some other helpful tips to make sure you don’t show your age this summer:**

**Exfoliate, scrub and rub**

Tip: After you exfoliate, make sure to follow up with a hydrating body cream to seal in moisture.

**Make H2O your friend**

Tip: Make sure to drink 8-ounce glasses of plain, filtered water every day to help maintain critical moisture balance of the body and skin. Keep in mind, if you drink caffeinated beverages, you will need to increase you water intake!

Five Strategies for Staying Fit on Vacation

June 22, 2015

Peak vacation season for Washingtonians is upon us. While these trips are essential, they can also jeopardize all the work of the past winter and spring. These five strategies can help you have a great vacation while maintaining your recent progress.

Strategy #1: The early bird gets the burn. Vacations are spontaneous, and opportunities for fun tend to pop up with little warning. The simplest way to have fun without sacrificing fitness is to make your workout the first thing you do each day. Get it out of the way and nothing else can get in the way.

Strategy #2. Pack a portable gym. You can fit an entire gym in your carry-on bag without going overweight, if you pack smart. Pack Valslides for upper body, core and leg workouts; a lacrosse ball to roll stress knots out of your hips and shoulders from too-long sitting; a resistance band for additional arm, leg and core exercises; and a jump rope for great conditioning work anywhere.

Strategy #3. Stick to a few simple rules. Keep a short list of simple, but realistic rules to keep your nutrition on track. A simple rule might be: one-or-none for alcohol (either have one drink or no drinks). A realistic rule could be limiting yourself to one small treat at dinner, or only having dessert every other day (a “treat” being defined as something you wouldn’t normally eat).

Strategy #4. Initiate something active. There are obvious activities, like walking or biking, but there are plenty of fun active things to do, too, like bodysurfing, going to a water park or playing beach volleyball. Whatever you do, if you really get into it you’ll get a much better workout — and have a blast.

Strategy #5. Remember your priorities. The main thing on vacation is spending quality time with friends and family — not seeing how much weight you can lose in a week, which isn’t going to be much anyway. As far as fitness goes, success is maintaining (or not losing much) ground. A week is plenty of time to do a lot of damage if you don’t practice a little bit of discipline.

A best-selling author and fitness expert with 16 years of experience, Josef Brandenburg owns The Body You Want club in Georgetown. Information about his 14-Day Personal Training Experience may be found at TheBodyYouWant.com.

The Great Urban Outdoors


The lack of power to take joy in outdoor nature is as real a misfortune as the lack of power to take joy in books,” said Theodore Roosevelt. Our 26th president — probably the most well-rounded in our nation’s history — was fond of leading long cross-country walks, which TR called “scrambles.” One of his favorites places to do so was Rock Creek Park, where he spent many Sundays with his family.

Celebrating its 125th anniversary this year, Rock Creek Park is a prime example of “the great urban outdoors,” which at first sounds like a jarring contradiction: cement meets gardens, high rises and traffic meet bucolic expanses, nightlife and noise meet the stillness of nature.

But here in Washington, and in other progressive-minded cities, the contradiction evaporates. According to a current trend in urban planning, city life at its best is not only livable but walkable. The pleasures of being outdoors, both active and contemplative, can still be had in the fast-paced, helter-skelter environment of a great American city.

All the qualities of city life, pluses and minuses, are tempered by nature and the natural. Parks let us forget about parking woes; the peaceful gurgling of creeks, rivers and fountains slow us in our hurries; the great cemeteries provide quiet contemplation of our history and ourselves.

Because of its historic nature, neighborhood life and extensive parkland, treescape and plantings, the District of Columbia is at the forefront of this green urban vision. It is a city where nature and urban energy meet without conflict, an engagement full of opportunities for everyone, from the most urbane to the least, residents and visitors alike.

More than ever, this is a city for the energetic. Runners are everywhere. Charity marathons and races have become part of the landscape. And, spurred by Capital Bikeshare, the newly emergent bicycle culture is spreading across the city.

For the second year in a row, Washington was recently named the fittest city in the country by the American College of Sports Medicine’s annual American Fitness Index report. (Teddy would be proud.) For residents of the District and the surrounding metropolitan areas, the title can be taken in stride, quite literally. Home to a plethora of parks and recreation centers, the nation’s capital is an outdoor enthusiast’s ideal dwelling place, bursting with opportunities for its inhabitants to walk, run, bike, hike, swim, boat, paddle and play.

Compiled below is a short list of D.C.’s outdoor gems. Some you may be familiar with; others you may wish to explore for the very first time. Either way, as the summer solstice (June 21) fast approaches, the timing couldn’t be better to get out and about.

Rock Creek Park

As mentioned above, Rock Creek Park is celebrating its quasquicentennial this year. With over 32 miles of trails, the possibilities are virtually endless in this storied city treasure, a favorite of Mayor Muriel Bowser. If you plan on hiking, strap on a pair of comfortable shoes, grab your water bottle and start with one of the two primary trails: the green-blazed Western Ridge Trail, which parallels the western side of the park, or the blue-blazed Valley Trail, which parallels Rock Creek and Beach Drive.

If biking is more your speed, a popular paved path begins just north of Peirce Mill and follows the creek all the way to the Lincoln Memorial. For the horseback rider, 13 miles of dirt-and-gravel bridle paths crisscross the park. Riding lessons and guided trail rides are available at the Rock Creek Park Horse Center.

Prefer tennis, golf or boating? The Rock Creek Tennis Center, located at 16th and Kennedy streets is open year-round and has more than two-dozen courts. The Thompson Boat Center rents kayaks, canoes, small sailboats, rowing shells and bicycles. Rock Creek Park Golf Course, an 18-hole public course with clubhouse, can be reached from 16th Street and Rittenhouse Street. Round out nine holes with an Arnold Palmer or two: picnicking — while perhaps not the most active way to enjoy the park — is a great way to spend a leisurely afternoon. Picnic grove reservations are required and visitors may choose between full- and half-day rentals. Finally, Rock Creek Park boasts the National Park Service’s only planetarium, located within the Nature Center. Free tickets are available at the Nature Center front desk up to one half-hour prior to showtimes.

Glover-Archbold Park

Familiar to many Georgetown residents, Glover-Archbold Park offers close to six miles of tranquil trails along the Potomac River and the C&O Canal, making it a popular loop for the archetypical DC fitness enthusiast: the runner. No matter your preferred gait, though, the narrow stream-valley park runs from Canal Street in Georgetown to Wisconsin Avenue in Friendship Heights, making it a great destination for joggers, hikers and birdwatchers. If you’re not entering on foot from Georgetown, there are several locations in the park that are easy walking distance from Metro bus stops. The Boathouse at Fletcher’s Cove is located along the course of the park’s trails on Canal Road, so it’s possible to make a pit-stop along your trek for some canoeing, kayaking, rowing or fishing on the Potomac. Your canine friends are welcome, but leave your bike at home; the park’s trails are marked as open to foot-traffic only.

Georgetown Waterfront Park

Perhaps the quintessential outdoor spot during the summer months, Georgetown Waterfront Park curves along 10 acres of the Potomac, offering expansive views of Key Bridge and the Kennedy Center, with the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial in the distance. Joggers, cyclists, skaters and walkers flock to this fitness mecca on sunny days.

Whether your aim is to grab a bite of seafood with a view at one of the waterfront restaurants, or people-watch from one of the park benches dotted along its borders, or partake in one of the free outdoor community fitness classes offered by the Georgetown Business Improvement District, the Park has something for everyone. Georgetown studios and stores leading free, twice-weekly classes this summer include CrossFit Key Bridge, Barre3 Georgetown, CorePower Yoga, Down Dog Yoga, Georgetown Yoga, Yoga Del Sol, Fitness Together Georgetown and Key Bridge Boathouse (see below). The tubular water fountain is a hotspot for children, letting revelers run through its rainbow-shaped waterspouts, and putting the old-school backyard sprinkler to shame.

Meridian Hill Park

An administrative unit of Rock Creek Park, Meridian Hill Park hosts 12 acres of statues, the only memorial to U.S. President James Buchanan in the city, the largest cascading fountain in North America, and on Sunday afternoons, its very own drum circle, attracting local participants exhibiting all levels of “drum-circle expertise.” Bordered by 16th, 15th, W and Euclid streets near the neighborhoods of Columbia Heights and Adams Morgan, the park’s beautiful landscape is modeled on an aristocratic Italian garden. In 1994, it was designated a National Historic Landmark, as “an outstanding accomplishment of early 20th century Neoclassicist park design in the United States.” Wayside exhibits interpret its unique story and history. A mobile phone tour is also available, downloadable via the National Park Service website.

Key Bridge Boathouse

While not technically a park, this friendly neighborhood facility at the end of Water Street on the banks of the Potomac could not be omitted. Boasting “all paddling, no politics,” the Key Bridge Boathouse offers canoeing, kayaking, stand-up paddleboarding and yoga, both on the paddleboards — yes, yoga on a paddleboard — and on the dock. Take to the river in your watercraft of choice and paddle toward the Kennedy Center, Theodore Roosevelt Island — named for the Scrambler-in-Chief — or Fletcher’s Cove. Classes are offered for all activities. (Please note: having taken a plunge in the Potomac herself, this writer recommends an introductory class for those activities you haven’t tried before.) Luckily, life vests are a requirement, so you can enjoy your activity of choice safely and worry-free. Insider tip: for early risers, the Key Bridge Boathouse offers free community paddle sessions on Fridays at 7 a.m. [gallery ids="102106,133847,133853,133850,133856" nav="thumbs"]

New M Street Location for Nava


Just south of Dupont Circle, Nava Health and Vitality Center’s new 1800 M St. NW location opened May 15. It’s the third of Nava’s integrative medical centers, joining those currently open in Chevy Chase and Columbia, Maryland. The location’s official grandopening celebration will be held June 17.

Established in 2014, Nava uses a unique integrative approach to health and wellness. All under one roof, each Nava location seeks to treat the individual as a whole, not as a group of symptoms. The new M Street center offers a soothing, modern and tranquil environment for patrons, designed in neutral tones that have an immediate calming effect upon crossing the threshold.

“By bringing our integrative approach to health to new audiences within the D.C. area, we’re offering alternative practices that most people haven’t been exposed to before. And we do it in concert with their physician,” said Bernie Dancel, founder of Nava Health and Vitality Center and CEO of parent company Ascend One Corp.

“In looking for new retail locations, we want to be in markets that have a high population of health-conscious individuals who know that wellness is more than just the status quo. It’s about understanding your body and feeling your best at any age,” he said.

Nava’s medical protocol draws from Eastern, Western and alternative methods, with a foundation grounded in science and developed from years of clinical experience and proven principles. Service offerings include sports performance and recovery therapies and treating the effects of aging — all of which work holistically to help resolve client issues such as weight gain, insomnia, fatigue, anxiety, chronic pain, digestive issues and low sex drive.

“We believe people should know exactly what’s going on with their bodies and be provided with a personalized roadmap to feeling their best,” said Dancel. “We know what we’re doing works, and now our clients are seeing it too.”

It would appear that Dancel is correct, as the brand plans to add a fourth area location in Rockville, Maryland, later this summer. Nava is exploring additional locations in the D.C., Maryland and Virginia area, along with an expansion into the Florida market.
[gallery ids="102111,133815,133816" nav="thumbs"]

Murphy’s Love: Making the Kids Feel Safe


Dear Stacy,
*I am planning to leave my wife of 10 years. We have been in and out of therapy for the last three years, but we just don’t get along anymore and I have lost interest in making things better. I am very concerned about the impact on our son (age 7), who tends to be very tentative about new things and worries a lot. I want to do this with minimal impact on his life and need to know how to go about this. Please advise.
– Concerned Dad*

Dear Dad:
I am so sorry that things are so difficult in your marriage and I understand that you have lost interest in working it out — sometimes we get to that point and just let ourselves walk away. If you truly feel you have done everything you can do (and I mean you, not your wife —more on that later), then I agree that focusing on your son is what comes next.

I asked Chevy Chase psychotherapist Maribeth Hilliard Hager, LICSW, for her opinion about how to broach this subject. Her advice is that you be completely solid in your separation plan (e.g., location, plan for visitation, how school events will be handled, etc.) before you tell Son a single detail. “We can’t predict the magical things kids are going to come up with to make sense of this big life change, but we can control the plan and show that the adults are in charge of the situation,” she explains. “The parents’ role is to make the kids feel safe in this unsafe situation.”

Specifically, Hager says parents ought to outline how they will support one another and what can be done when problems arise. “This is just really the beginning of many more conversations, so both parents need to give the message that they are available for more in the future,” she says, adding that parents must be careful not to offer more information than the child asks for.
Always be respectful of the child’s relationship with the other parent, she emphasizes.

You and Son will have conversations about this for the rest of your life. That may not sound fun, but that’s reality. Never blame Wife or make negative comments in any of these conversations. If you are comfortable that you did all you could to save the marriage, there’s no need to be derogatory. Hager explains that we never know what parts of us our children identify with most. If you criticize Wife’s “indecision,” you may be criticizing a piece of Son you don’t even recognize.

*Stacy Notaras Murphy (www.stacymurphyLPC.com) is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacymurphyLPC@gmail.com.*

High-Intensity Fitness – A Good Idea Taken Too Far

May 21, 2015

The shift toward more intense exercise began as a great idea for most people. It led people to realize that walking on a treadmill while watching TV won’t help with weight loss, strength, bone density or even cardiovascular fitness.

Strength training and interval training deliver far superior results, and massively improve your quality of life, but only if done responsibly. Unfortunately, the most popular forms of intense exercise have taken a great idea too far, turning it into something that can be dangerous.

To help you get the great results without the risk, here are five dos and don’ts for intense exercise:

Don’t make exercise a competition. Exercise is something you do to enhance your life and your sports, but it’s not the end goal. Vying to see who can do the most exercise leads to sloppy form and extreme exhaustion, which then lead to injuries and health problems.

Do challenge yourself. Your body will only change – become more toned, expend more energy (lose weight), add muscle, add bone density – if it’s progressively overloaded. If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.

Don’t train to failure. Pushing until you can’t move is taking the above idea too far. End your set of exercises knowing that you could have done one or two more repetitions. This is challenge that you can recover from. You only get better in between workouts (while recovering).

Do remember the three Ps. At my studio, we have three Ps: no pain, puking or passing out. Exercise should challenge you, but never hurt, make you nauseous or make you feel dizzy or faint.

Don’t do plyometrics for cardio. A recent trend in DVDs and fitness classes is to take very stressful jumping exercises and do them as a 30-to-60-minute class. To put this in perspective, Olympic athletes limit their plyometric work to fewer than 100 reps per week (or 20 minutes including rest), because exceeding these limits puts you at high risk for stress fractures and tendon ruptures.

*A best-selling author and fitness expert with 16 years of experience, Josef Brandenburg owns The Body You Want club in Georgetown. Information about his 14-Day Personal Training Experience may be found at TheBodyYouWant.com.*

Murphy’s Love: Socializing – His and Hers


Dear Stacy,

I have been married a little over two years, and have lived in D.C. since college. My husband is new to the area and doesn’t have many friends. He’s an introvert, but a great guy and an avid sports fan. He just doesn’t have anyone to go to games with unless someone is visiting us. I, on the other hand, like being social and have a lot of friends. We aren’t starting a family for a few more years, and I want to take advantage of the time because I know making new friends stops when you have kids. My husband and I keep arguing about how much I want to go out. I wish he would have his own things to do, but he just winds up staying home by himself and being passive-aggressive when I get back. What can I do to make this better?

– To party or not to party?

Dear Party:

We can talk about your views on making friends through parenthood another day, but, trust me, it happens. Today your concern is that Husband needs some friends. I know you think that making new connections would be the solution, but that’s not what I read in your situation. I am more concerned about how he takes this out on you.

Staying at home by yourself is a fine choice for a true introvert. If he gets energy that way and actually enjoys himself, huzzah. But it sounds like he is not having a good time, and instead reacts to you (just “being you”) with hostility, veiled and not-so-veiled. Readers of this column know that’s a massive red flag. If he resents you and doesn’t name that so you two can work it out (e.g., have a standing date night, ritualize how you reconnect after an evening apart, set a goal to go out with like-minded couples at least once a month, etc.), then his unresolved feelings are creating a problem in your partnership. That could have a long shelf-life, and I don’t wish that on either of you. Time for an honest conversation.

*Stacy Notaras Murphy (www.stacymurphyLPC.com) is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacymurphyLPC@gmail.com*

The Truth About Standing Desks


Standing desks are becoming increasingly popular as the idea that “sitting is the new smoking” gains popularity. By replacing sitting with standing, the thinking goes, you are counteracting the risks of sedentary office work. There is some truth to this, but it’s important to have the whole story, including guidance on how to safely transition to a standing desk.

Problems With Sitting

Sitting is not the problem. But sitting for extended periods of time (60 to 90 minutes or more) without a break seems to lead to tight hips, poor circulation and decreased insulin sensitivity. The decreased insulin sensitivity increases diabetes risk and may result in weight gain or difficulty in losing weight.

Remember: standing in place for hours on end is just as unnatural and potentially problematic as sitting for hours on end. Long periods of standing can damage knee cartilage, cause varicose veins and decrease productivity.

Proper Stand-Up Desk Transition

• Get an adjustable desk. You want to be able to go from standing to sitting when your body needs a break, or for tasks requiring greater concentration. Without the ability to make these transitions – especially in the beginning – you put yourself at a very high risk of injury.

• Stand on a pad. Most offices have thin flooring over concrete, so having something soft will help reduce the risk of foot, back and knee pain.

Alternatives to a Stand-Up Desk

If you decide a stand-up desk isn’t for you, but still want to break up your sitting time, here are two simple suggestions:
• Keep and drink more water at your desk. This kills two birds with one stone: you’ll be better hydrated and you’ll be forced to take walking breaks. Research indicates that as little as two minutes of walking per hour of sitting is enough to reduce your risk of disease.

• Set an alarm to alert you to get up every 50 to 60 minutes. Besides reducing the risks of extended sitting, these breaks help your brain work better. Mini breaks – especially with movement – help people process information and solve problems that have become frustrating.

A best-selling author and fitness expert with 16 years of experience, Josef Brandenburg owns The Body You Want club in Georgetown. Information about his 14-Day Personal Training Experience may be found at TheBodyYouWant.com.

Murphy’s Love: Advice on Intimacy and Relationships

May 19, 2015

Dear Stacy,

There is more context to this, but I will say that I have stepped outside of my marriage a few times over many years. I have felt guilty about this, and then recommitted myself to being faithful, but then I find myself attracted to other women. I think this is just who I am. My wife is frustrated with my infidelity (she knows about a recent encounter, but not about the long-term affairs I have had) and wants me to see a therapist, but I am not interested in hearing from another female about how I am to blame for the problems in my marriage. If this is just who I am, and I want to still be married, why can’t we make some kind of agreement?

– Agreeing to Disagree

Dear Disagree:

It seems that you can’t “make some kind of agreement” because Wife is “frustrated” with your infidelity. It’s not the answer you want – I get that – but it’s the reason for the standoff. Wife doesn’t want an open marriage, so you don’t get an open marriage. You get a divorce or you get really good at cheating behind the scenes (it sounds like you’re already good at that, but not quite good enough?). Or we can pick Door Number Three. Can you guess what’s behind it? A male therapist. (They exist. If you don’t believe me, I can send you a list.)

I’m suggesting therapy because I think there’s more to the story than: “I’m a serial cheater, that’s just who I am.” Aren’t you curious about why, if that is your essence, you chose to be married in the first place? Wouldn’t you like some language for explaining (to Wife, to Self) why monogamy feels so challenging? A therapist is there to help you understand more about yourself, not to blame you for being that person.

I suspect that Wife is making you feel bad only because she doesn’t know another way to respond when you give her the ultimatum of “This is me, deal with it,” leaving her feeling that she’s not enough for you. Sound familiar, doesn’t it? Each of you is telling the other to be different, or else. This is a standoff, not a partnership. Trust me, you can find a middle space, but you have to seek it out with Wife, not in spite of her.

Stacy Notaras Murphy (www.stacymurphyLPC.com) is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacymurphyLPC@gmail.com.