Body & Soul

Georgetowner • August 8, 2013

**Dear Stacy:**
***I hate my job. I have hated this job for years. I am at my breaking point. The hours, the bad attitude of my coworkers, the indifference of my supervisors ? I?ve pushed through this for years but now I?m over all of it. The only thing holding me back from quitting today is my wife and family. We live a very comfortable life due to my salary. I have looked for other jobs for months, but the only ones that would give me the same compensation are in my current field and would just be more of the same. I want to do something totally different ? more nature-based, more flexible hours. My wife is 100 percent against this kind of change and keeps telling me that it would be too hard because we would have to downsize our house/lifestyle and the kids would be pulled from their schools. I know she?s right that it would be a big life change, but I am so unhappy and it seems like she doesn?t care at all.***
***? Dead End Job in D.C.***

Dear Dead End:
This sounds really, really difficult. I am so sorry that you feel this way and that things seem so hopeless. Ok, the empathy part is over, so brace yourself for the tough love part of this response.

When someone says he has hated a job for years and adds the one thing holding him back is Wife and Family, that seems a little simplistic. Staying in a job that made you miserable and, perhaps, even clinically depressed, was your decision. People ? often men ? deny their feelings of sadness or inadequacy, pretending those feelings don?t exist in order to maintain a brave face throughout a really difficult time. The thing is, those feelings don?t just go away when you deny them. They metabolize in your body and become part of the way you interact with everyone, all the time. So for years, you actually have not ?pushed through? anything, but rather, stockpiled your frustration and anxiety about your difficult work situation and allowed it to poison the relationships around you.

Major life changes like moving houses and changing multiple kids? schools do not come without consequences. Asking Wife to do what you did ? ignore her feelings and keep a brave face ? will only result in more distance between you two. It?s not that you don?t get to have a new job and a new outlook. But when things are so dire that we think the ?new thing? (a.k.a. job) is the only cure, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. The first step must be getting yourself healthy (Read: counseling, antidepressants, healthy lifestyle) and rebuilding your trust and connection with Wife (this is where you get to talk about how you feel she doesn?t care). You need her to be on your team and make the next decision together. She?s not going to go willingly ? she?s protecting her family and, accordingly, her defenses are strong and tall. The repair work starts with her.

***[Stacy Notaras Murphy](http//www.stacymurphyLPC.com) is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. This column is meant for entertainment only, and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to [stacy@georgetowner.com](mailto:stacy@georgetowner.com).***

Eve Barnett • July 26, 2013

Home to everything from gourmet cupcakes to rooftop bars, D.C. is fertile ground for new trends to take root. This summer, Washington welcomes another winning fad: themed runs.

“Take running and add a whole lot of silly,” said Dean Silkstone, manager of Georgetown Running Company, describing this new athletic phenomenon. Ranging between three and 10 kilometers, the races have their own quirky obstacles and characteristics. These themes give the events a special twist that makes, as Silkstone explained, “running enjoyable even for people who never before considered themselves runners.”

“The events focus not so much on competition but instead on fun,” said Silkstone, so that people of all ages, gender, and levels of athleticism can participate. College freshman Gawan Fiore said, “The vast majority were 18-28 [years old]” in an electric run he recently completed. “Our races end up being about 55 percent female,” added Michael Epstein, president of the Down & Dirty Obstacle Run.

However, that’s not to say these races are not family-friendly. “It is a great father-daughter experience,” said mud-running veteran Jim Delgado, calling both runs he completed with his daughters “memorable and a lot of fun.”

The D.C. area will host singles’ runs, mud runs, rave runs, color runs and firefighter-themed runs, to name a few. Here is a preview of the most spunky, intriguing ones coming up soon:

Run n’ Mate 5K kicks off its five-run series on Friday, July 19. Describing its participants as “a community of young, active adults who want to meet other people with similar interests,” this race says it provides the “perfect opportunity” for runners to socialize. On Friday evening, participants gather for happy hour at a bar to mingle with – and motivate – each other. Saturday morning, runners complete the 5K. At night, they enjoy a post-race celebration in a local bar or club with their fellow finishers. Details can be found at [here](http://www.runnmate5k.com).

Down & Dirty Obstacle Run takes place on Sunday, July 21. “People looking to test themselves and try a new, exciting event” should try this race, said Epstein. Offering both 10Ks and 5Ks, participants climb a 24-foot cargo net, crawl under a rope net, leap over logs, and trek through a thick mud pit before completing the course. Details can be found [here](http://www.downanddirtymudrun.com).

The Rave Run happens on Saturday, Aug. 17. This 5K, starting at 8:30 P.M., refers to itself as the event that brings “the adrenaline pumping music and special effects from electronic festivals into a fun run course…with music and light stations, neon-clad runners and a thriving after-party with live music.” Details can be found [here](http://wwww.theraverun.com).

Color in Motion 5K, on Saturday, Sept. 14, covers runners in pigments, paints, and pastels throughout the course. The run directs participants to wear white and prepare for “your moving body [to be] plastered in an explosion of vibrant color with all your friends” and promises to “transform a group of ordinary runners into a moving rainbow,” giving participants and spectators alike a morning to remember. Details can be found [here](http://www.colorinmotion5k.com).

Hero Rush Obstacle Race, taking place on Saturday, Sept. 21, describes itself as “the tough, crazy, fear-facing fun 4-5 mile race with 17+ totally unique firefighter and hero-themed obstacles.” Exposing participants to the types of athletic challenges faced by firefighters, the event pushes runners to push themselves outside their comfort zones and test their physical limits. Details can be found [here](http://www.herorush.com).

With courses scattered throughout D.C., Maryland, and Virginia and such a broad range of themes, there indeed seems to be an event for everyone.

Plus, since this themed run phenomenon appears to be here to stay, why not run, walk, crawl, jump or even dance along?

Rachel Scola • July 23, 2013

We’ve all seen the water bottles that count milligrams to help you consume the recommended daily 2-3 liters of water. The bottles are disguised in trendy colors with words like “quench” graphically displayed and sometimes can be found in your local drugstore, right next to bottles of the vitamins and nutrients we are also recommended to take. It’s hard to consume these routinely, and thus the nutrient-enhanced beverages were born.

Most of us are not strangers to nutrient-enhanced waters. I’m sure each of us has, or has a friend who has, grabbed a VitaminWater instead of a sugary soda during a lunch break. Just in case you are a bit unfamiliar with the world of enhanced drinks, or you are looking to expand your palate, here is a quick list of some choice beverages to taste test for yourself and potentially add to your routine.

Kevita Sparkling Probiotic Drinks: With over eight to choose from, there is bound to be one flavor of these bottled drinks that suits your taste buds. Many options contain coconut water, which has been popular for the past couple years and shows no signs of slowing down. It’s an acquired taste that isn’t necessarily for everyone, but the benefits include high potassium and low calories. Kevita’s drinks are all vegan, certified organic and contains four strains of live probiotics that help your immune and digestive systems. Probiotics are most common in dairy products, but Kevita is fully dairy-, lactose- and even glutenfree.

Recently, it added a daily cleanse option to their collection- a lemon cayenne simplified detox that has less sugar and a lower price tag than other cleanses. A fair warning: the sparkling factor of Kevita, while giving it a unique taste,
can be a bit powerful. Each bottle is under $3. Try the pomegranate black tea as your first step into the Kevita world.

Bluedelta: You know a water company is serious when they have a monthly membership club in the works. The 20-20 club with bluedelta will have cases delivered each month, along with perks like a free case after ever 10 bought and
training and exercise tips. Bluedelta water has an 8.6 pH level, meaning it has higher alkaline levels than your average spring water. These alkaline levels help flush out toxins, strengthen cell membranes and even help promote better circulation. Bluedelta water goes through an electrolysis filtration process to change the pH level and the molecule
structure, making the molecules smaller and easier for your body to absorb. A case of 20 bottles can be bought for $24.99 online.

Blk. Water: Black is the new clear in the world of water if you choose to enjoy this beverage. With marketing and packaging that
is just as unique as this water itself, blk. boasts zero calories, sugars, and carbs and also a pH level of above 8 to help
cleanse your body from toxins. The color comes from the organic fulvic trace minerals that are added to the pure water base. Don’t worry: blk. doesn’t have a thicker consistency and tastes like normal water. It’s not a miracle drink, but with all the celebrity endorsements, drinking it can make you feel a bit more special, and you’ll be happy that you’re helping your body a little bit more by drinking blk. instead of plain tap water. Find it at your grocery store for about $2.

Neuro: You’ve probably seen these in your local drug or grocery store and if you haven’t already tried it, you need to. Neuro has a cultlike fanbase full of celebrities and peers alike, but with great tasting drinks that clock in at 35 calories a serving, its no surprise. Products range from sleep to alert to bliss, but downing the yellow daily drink is a good place to start. Neuro
Daily has a tangerine-citrus flavor and packs vitamins D and C and is designed to enhance your immune system and support your health against daily stresses, sleep deprivation and eating habits. As it grows even more popular, it can
be found in even more stores, but just check your local CVS or social Safeway for a $2.50 bottle.

These are only four options in a growing world of choices (Fresh Market sells coconut water with chia seeds in it. Who would have thought?) Remember to be smart in all your diet choices. None of the above should be substituted instead of a meal. They are only meant to help and enhance your diet and lifestyle. Keep in mind they will not affect everyone the same, but
it’s summertime which is the best time to try new ways of healthy hydration. Bottoms up! [gallery ids="101397,154103" nav="thumbs"]

Georgetowner • July 17, 2013

*DEAR STACY:*
**I am in a long distance relationship with a man who works overseas. We dated a long time ago and then broke up when he moved. But we stayed in close contact and my feelings for him never really died. Long story short, we rekindled things a few months ago and now are giving it a go long distance. The problem is that I have very little in the way of financial resources,
so regular visits are out for us. Is this relationship doomed?**

***? Am I Wasting Our Time?***

**DEAR WASTING:**
Long distance relationships are challenging, particularly when they don’t have an end date, such as returning from grad school, ending a military tour, or simply deciding to move to the same locale. It doesn’t sound like that is your
circumstance, so basically you are intimately involved with a person who will not be physically present to you except for on very special occasions. The relationship is not ?doomed,? but you may have to do some defining of this relationship, because it’s not going to look like those around you.

You absolutely can love and be connected to a person who does not live near you. The question is, how do you fulfill one another’s emotional (and physical) needs when you are not meeting regularly? Yes, you can Skype in a restaurant
and you both can commit to watching the same Netflix at the same time. Perhaps that is enough for you. But you both need to sign on for that ? honestly, by naming it as such. The risk is that if you aren?t very specific about what you each expect you can wind up disappointing the other person (E.G. Were you secretly expecting him to move back here? Is he hoping you will get the
hint and find a job overseas?), leading to deep resentment (AKA: relationship poison) over time. Please do yourselves this favor and have that conversation ASAP.

***Stacy Notaras Murphy [www.stacymurphyLPC.com](http//www.stacymurphyLPC.com) is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. This column is meant for entertainment only, and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to [stacy@georgetowner.com](mailto:stacy@georgetowner.com).***

Georgetowner • July 4, 2013

**Dear Stacy:**
*I am asking this on behalf of a friend (no, really, I am). He was in a long-term relationship with a woman and they thought about marriage, but eventually he realized she wasn?t ?the one.? He broke up with her and she has not left him alone since. It?s starting to become a bit intimidating ? she?s showing up at work, he even saw her talking to his secretary outside the building. She keeps trying to contact him by calling at all hours, emailing him, making rude comments on Twitter. My question is why would a person continue to contact someone who has ended the relationship? He?s been quite clear about his intentions to no longer be in her life. What more can he do?*

***-It?s Not Over ?Til She Gets It***

**Dear Not over,**
The end of a relationship is difficult ? it?s rare to hear of a completely amiable breakup ? but this sounds like a little more than a case of hurt feelings. When we start to feel intimidated by another person?s behavior, we have to recognize that it may take more than ?It?s not you, it?s me? to make the separation complete. It sounds like Ex is stalking Friend. As such, this ventures into legal territory, so I talked to local divorce lawyer Regina DeMeo about what comes next.

?In the legal world, it is critical to have evidence,? DeMeo says, noting that it is important to compile documents, pictures and witnesses (that?s you, Not Over) to the harassing behavior. She recommends that the victim keep a record of all emails and texts, plus a call log and calendar of all incidents.

?Send a stern ?cease and desist letter? letting your ex know that no further contact is wanted, and will be considered harassment,? DeMeo says. After that point, she says to stop engaging the person. ?You need to go radio silent. Delete them from your Facebook and Twitter feeds, block them from your phone and emails?Tell others at work and near home, so they can be aware of situation, and if something happens, they can be witnesses.?

If all else fails, DeMeo advises victims to call the police (making sure to record the name of the officer who makes the report) and go to the courts for legal assistance. The bottom line is that Friend should take formal steps to protect himself.

***Stacy Notaras Murphy [www.stacymurphyLPC.com](http://www.stacymurphyLPC.com) is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist, practicing in Georgetown. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to [stacy@georgetowner.com](mailto:stacy@georgetowner.com).***

Georgetowner • June 19, 2013

Dear Stacy:

I know this isn’t likely to get a response when I need it, but it’s still worth asking what you think about the disparity between husbands and wives, regarding gift-giving. The long story is that my husband totally dropped the ball with Mother’s Day. The kids had thrown together some cards from school, but he didn’t do a single thing to make the day special (besides telling me I could “sleep in,” after our kids already woke me up). Now it’s Father’s Day and I, unlike him, am thinking about it far enough in advance to even send a question to an advice column. Basically, I am 1,000 times more thoughtful than he is and I am having a hard time not “planning” to give him a horrible Father’s Day so he can see just how it feels. I know you’re going to tell me to talk to him – but what do I say? “You are a sucky partner, so I’m done making you feel special?”

-Angry in Advance

Dear Angry,
I’m really sorry you had a bad Mother’s Day. Does Husband know you had a bad Mother’s Day? And more specifically, was this something you actually said, not something you implied via passive aggressive pouting? My guess would be that no, Husband has no idea that you were expecting something that did not materialize. So yes, you need to talk to him.

But not now.

You need to wait and breathe and relax now that Father’s Day is over, and get a handle on what it is you want to say. We need to set aside the clichés about men and bad gift-giving (women actually are equally bad, btw, we just don’t get the press the guys do). You say you did not feel special – that is where we start. Many of us arrived at our first Mother’s/Father’s Days without much experience beyond rushing flowers across the country to our own parents, so please give yourselves a break about not being completely sure of what you expect and what you can give on those days. If this is important to you, then it’s important enough to use all the skills we have in the relationship to clear the air. In other words – say something non-accusatory about not feeling special on Mother’s Day. Include a line about wanting to help you both get what you need on those days in the future. Then you two can negotiate what feels right for your marriage.

Stacy Notaras Murphy www.stacymurphyLPC.com is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist, practicing in Georgetown. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacy@georgetowner.com.

Nico Dodd • May 9, 2013

On Saturday, May 11, the annual Georgetown Garden Tour, presented by the Georgetown Garden Club, will open a select number of private gardens to visitors and runs 10 a.m. until 5 p.m. On Saturday, tickets can be purchased at Christ Church, at 31st and O Streets, NW. The church will also host an afternoon tea from 2 p.m. until 4 p.m. at the church’s Keith Hall, included in the ticket price, as well as a garden boutique which will offer for sale a selection of topiaries, porcelain and gardening tools as well as products from Georgetown-based porcelain company Middle Kingdom and products imported from Haiti.
Gardens on the tour “show how something beautiful can be created in a small, urban space,” said Elizabeth Shriver, president of the Georgetown Garden Club. Included on this year’s tour is Dumbarton Oaks Park on R Street. In the past, funds raised from the tour were donated to Book Hill Park, Montrose Park, Volta Park and Trees For Georgetown, Shriver said.

For more information about the Georgetown Garden Tour, visit www.georgetowngardentour.com.

GARDENS ON THE 2013 TOUR

Gardens West of Wisconsin Avenue

3304 R Street

A sophisticated garden with style and a sense of humor. An enormous cup pours water into the pool, imaginative sculptures abound, delightful touches throughout.

1631 34th Street

A clever, two-level small garden packed with treats. A comma-shaped pool has a marvelous Japanese maple like an umbrella over it. A secluded lower level has a waist-deep dipping pool with seating.

1552 34th Street

A brick-paved square frames an exuberant fountain, two large urns are planted with mondo grass. Plantings include the pink climbing rose Cecile Bruner, vitex, red crape myrtles, a fig, and a golden chain tree.

3415 Volta Place

An inviting garden filled with lovely details: a pool, lace leaf maples, a hedge of weeping beeches, Chinese red garden sheds, antique pots, a greenhouse, bamboo, and the soothing nearby murmurings of little caged birds.

3327 P Street

Juxtaposition of rectangles outlined with narrow flagstone borders, Buddhas from Bali, mondo grass edging for planting beds, a water feature with fountains, a fire pit, gas lights.

3313 P Street

A sequence of four garden rooms wrap around three sides of the house: borders for active gardening, a lawn area, a place for outdoor meetings and a seating area around the pool.

Gardens East of Wisconsin Avenue

1401 34th Street

This small lushly planted garden is partially enclosed by an old carriage house. The free-form pond features water lilies and lotus. Ferns and hellebores abound, plus Harry Lauder’s walking stick. By Rogers & Co.

Off Lovers’ Lane, on R Street between 31st Street and Avon Place

The Dumbarton Oaks Park Conservancy offers its own special tour at midday of the “wild garden” that was once part of the Dumbarton Oaks Estate – all designed by Beatrix Farrand. Pastoral delights and insights into garden restoration abound.

Listings and descriptions provided by the Georgetown Garden Club. [gallery ids="101281,149484,149498,149477,149504,149469,149509,149463,149515,149491" nav="thumbs"]

Georgetowner •

**DEAR STACY:**

*My husband and I are at odds on how to talk to our 5-year-old son about my brother, who died when I was 12. I think he is too young to hear about death. We have another 2-year- old son and I am really worried our 5-year-old will start to wonder if his brother will die. My husband is very religious and is not willing to lie to our children for any reason. We are about to spend a vacation with my family who always say a prayer for my brother at dinner. My sib- lings love to talk about my brother, and usually I do too. I don?t want to fight with my husband. I am considering not going, but that can?t be a long term solution. Help!*

?Honesty the best policy?

**DEAR HONESTY,**

You?re right ? not going is not a great solution for this problem. But I fully empathize with your flight-so-as-not-to-fight response. Who wants to argue with Husband, especially when he holds the moral authority?

My personal opinion is that ?Thou Shalt Not Lie? is absolutely not a mandate for full disclosure to a preschooler. Is Husband explaining the Boston bombings in specific, political terms? Are graphic photos being used to answer the question of ?Where do babies come from?? What about his annual take-home pay, is #1 Son aware of that number? We have to be mindful of the age group we are working with and adjust our language accordingly.

My advice is that you go about your vacation and answer #1 Son?s question as matter- of-factly as possible (e.g. ?We say a prayer for Brian because he died a long time ago and we still love and remember him.?). You follow up with the point that you are available and open to talking to him about this whenever he wants to or needs to. Don?t be overly emotional or dramatic ? he will mirror your response ? and don?t put words in his mouth (a la ?Don?t worry, Little Brother is very healthy and is unlikely to die young??). Reassurance and unconditional love are all he needs from you.

Now to the real meat of your question ? the way that Husband used the giant ?religious/ moral values? trump card to halt a healthy debate about parenting. This has happened before, right? Unless you create a map for dealing with such disputes, you are going to be cowed and minimized for the foreseeable future. Calm, connected, and balanced conversation about this is the only way to craft a game plan for your individual family. Get started by taking a meeting with the clergy member of Husband?s choice ? I think you might be surprised at the discussion that develops.