Living

Georgetowner • July 25, 2012

**DEAR STACY:**

*I married a man who I knew had different political
views than I did. For a long time ? 10 years
? that didn?t seem to be an issue, he had his
opinions (conservative) and I had mine (more to
the left). I actually used to find our debates to
be a turn-on. But now we have two little girls
and I am worrying that their dad?s increasingly-
Tea Party-like opinions about things could have
a lasting impact on them. I avoid social events
because I?m afraid he?ll say something embarrassing.
It used to be that we were from different
political viewpoints, but it?s starting to feel like
we have different values. Is this a good enough
of a reason to get a divorce?*

*? On the Left, Afraid of the Right*

**DEAR: LEFT,**

Are we looking for a ?good enough of a reason?
to divorce?

You are not the only spouse married to someone
with a differing viewpoint who is feeling
a little more pressured at this time of year (or
is it this time of every four years?). Thanks to
an unrelenting news cycle and lots of blinking
outlets for information, the regularly scheduled
arguing might just seem a little louder this time
around. But you just jumped from political debates
being a turn-on, to them being a reason for
divorce. That?s an enormous vault. Let?s look a
little more before we leap.

You aren?t too specific about how Husband?s
opinions could have a lasting impact on your
daughters, so I would rather not make assumptions
about the details. If you are worried about
their safety, then you absolutely should make arrangements
to keep them secure. But if you are
concerned about having their feelings hurt simply
by being exposed to a certain set of ideas,
remember that you can always be the personification
of the counter argument. In fact, together
you can teach those girls how to see various
sides to any issue. Not a bad thing to learn at
home.

But my suspicion is that your daughters? egos
are just a ?better? reason for you to get serious
about a rift between you and Husband. Have
you noticed other differences in recent years ?
thoughts on childrearing, conflict styles, interactions
with family members ? that also reflect
a shift in values? If so, please take the time to
talk with him in the presence of a third party
(clergyperson, couples counselor, etc.), before
making a decision about divorce. Being calm
and curious about his changes might help him
feel safe enough to really consider what?s driving
his evolution in the first place. Who knows
what you both might learn if you take some time
and start working on this together?

**DEAR STACY:**

*I live in a summer sublet apartment and my
roommate?s parents are visiting AGAIN in early
August. They were here for FIVE DAYS in June
to move her in. They came back to ?bunk? with
us for 4th of July, and now they?re planning their
third trip for ? fun? before they come back midmonth
to move her out. They stay in her room
when they visit, but they really take over the
whole apartment, not to mention MY LIFE for
4-5 days each time. I?m all for close families ? I
love my parents and talk to them on the phone
weekly ? but this is INSANE. I was expecting
a fun summer with lots of interesting stories,
but all I seem to have are details (and I mean
DETAILS) of their visits to all the Smithsonians
because they share them with me every minute
I?m home.*

*-Mommy and Daddy Issues*

**DEAR ISSUES:**

WOW. You don?t say anything about the size
of your sublet, but I?m assuming it?s not big
enough for you and a family of three on a biweekly
basis.

I feel for you, but really, you must know what
I?m going to say? All together now, Have you
said anything about this directly to Roommate?
If not, stop reading this and give her a call. Right
now. Just go.

This behavior is baffling, to say the least, but
perhaps Roommate has no idea how uncomfortable
this makes you feel? Maybe she feels just
as uncomfortable and would just LOVE an excuse
to get them not to make the drive into town
next month? Or she might have a good reason
for wanting all this Mommy/Daddy/Daughter
special time. Be calm and ask her to clue you
in. Let?s give her the benefit of the doubt and
see where that leads you. If she fails the ?Dude,
seriously?? test, then you can just meet them at
the door next time with a prorated bill for their
share of the rent and utilities, and chalk it up to
learning a life lesson about the right questions to
ask any future roommates. ?

*Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed professional
counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist
practicing in Georgetown. Her website is www.stacymurphyLPC.
com, and you can follow her on twitter @StacyMurphyLPC.
This column is meant for entertainment
only and should not be considered a substitute for
professional counseling. Send your confidential question
to stacy@georgetowner.com.*

Corrie Dyke • July 18, 2012

The Garden Club of Virginia will continue to nurture Virginia’s deeply rooted history during Garden Week, April 16 – 23, showcasing some of the finest properties the state has to offer. For the 78th year, Virginia’s Historic Garden Week will feature dozens of walking tours, winding through privately owned estates and renowned historic landmarks.

From 17th century plantations to state-of-the-art gardens, the Garden Club presents a vast array of botanical beauty in over 250 homes and gardens, much of which coincide with restoration work that has been ongoing since Garden Week 1929. Proceeds from the tours of “America’s Largest Open House” have financed the restoration of more than 40 grounds and gardens as the Club strives for conservation and preservation of Virginia’s scenic landscapes.

Charlottesville and Albemarle County

The area that Thomas Jefferson once called home will be highlighted in a four-day tour featuring historic estates, including Monticello and Jefferson’s University of Virginia.

The Morven house and garden, a 7,378-acre estate built in 1820, still holds its 19th century ambiance. Oriental rugs, documentary reproductions and elegant wallpapers keep the estate true to its Jeffersonian era.

The grounds are filled with unusual trees including Osage orange, Chinese chestnut, and a dove tree. The gardens boast thousands of tulips, pansies, forget-me-nots, lilacs, wisteria, spireas, deutizia and a rose garden. Owned by the University of Virginia, Morven will be featured on the Historic Garden Tour April 16, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Travel to the Farmington neighborhood and stroll through the Periwinkle home and garden owned by Donna and Albert Ernest, evident art lovers who have decorated their home with 18th century décor. A number of paintings line the interior of the home designed by Marshall Wells in 1939.

The garden’s two-acre landscape boasts an English-style cottage garden filled with roses and peonies. Eden roses climb up to the dormer windows. An American boxwood garden, formal rose garden and a kitchen garden makes up with a backyard enclosed by apple trees. A small stone chapel, designed by the owners, gives way to a path leading to a secret garden. The Farmington tours take place April 17 and April 18.

The Cielo Rosso estate, comparatively modern for the Farmington neighborhood, was built in 2000. The house, inspired by the owners’ Italian travels, features handmade French tiles on the roof and extensive exterior stonework.

The three-acre garden is filled with atlas cedars, honey locust, blue cypress and mature cryptomeria trees. An herb garden sits outside the kitchen and a Roman swimming pool occupies the backyard not far from a boxwood garden, sitting below a fish-filled fountain with a vanishing edge that cascades downhill. The garden is open April 17 and 18.

Near Farmington is the historic University of Virginia. The University’s Pavilion Gardens, restored by the Garden Club of Virginia, will be featured during Garden Week, along with the University. The Colonial Revival gardens, designed by Colonial Williamsburg landscape architects Alden Hopkins and Donald Parker, are also on the campus. University tours April 19 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Pavilion Garden tours 10 a.m. and 1 p.m.

Jefferson’s lifelong passion for botany can be enjoyed at his Monticello home. The gardens and orchards have been restored to their appearance during Jefferson’s retirement years by the Garden Club of Virginia. Here you can see a vegetable garden that stretches 1,000 feet long, winding flowerbeds, two orchards, two vineyards, and an 18-acre ornamental forest, which resembles the foliage grown by Jefferson himself. Monticello is open daily from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. with special events April 16- 19.

Alexandria

George Washington’s Mount Vernon estate and gardens feature a distinctive replica of Washington’s 16-sided barn and displays of his farming tactics. The plantation’s bowling green has been restored by the Garden Club of Virginia. Mount Vernon is open 365 days a year.

George Mason’s Gunston Hall Plantation consists of a brick mansion furnished with colonial period décor. The estate was built around 1755 and is open from 9:30 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Eastern Shore

The Cedar Creek Farm is opening up its three-story home for the first time. The rich wood interior adds warmth to every room throughout the house and beloved hunting dogs lounge on the wide screened porch as Mr. and Mrs. A. Thomas Young welcome visitors to their estate April 16, 9:30 a.m. to 5 p.m.

James River Plantations

The Brandon Plantation dates back to the beginnings of English settlement. Its beautiful grounds lead from the grand, historic mansion to the James River. Old boxwood and a series of garden rooms are some of the plantation’s featured attractions. Today, the 4,000-acre property functions as a working farm with 1,600 acres still being cultivated. During Garden Week, self-guided tours are offered April 18-23 from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Louisa County

Fair Oaks’ recently restored house sits atop a hill at the area’s highest point of elevation. Purchased by Mrs. Nancy Daniel in 1997, the house has undergone two major renovations. Osage orange trees, each 150 years old, stand in front of the house. Woodwork on the stairs and most of the flooring is original heart pine. The house is open for the first time April 16, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Petersburg

Centre Hill Mansion, built in 1823, is now a museum in the City of Petersburg showcasing aristocratic 19th century Virginia. The house has been updated and restored after a number of ownership changes. During the Second World War, the property was a Red Cross headquarters. The museum’s grounds, restored by the Garden Club of Virginia, will be open April 16, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Warrenton

The Orlean house, a late 18th century stone and clapboard home, sits on a beautifully landscaped park. The woodland garden, bursting with spring bulbs, faces the swimming pool outlined by a rocky hillside. Mr. John Krumholtz and Mr. Kevin DiLallo own the house, of which several barns and servants’ quarters make up the estate. Open April 20, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. and April 21, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.
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Georgetowner • July 9, 2012

**DEAR STACY:**

*We just had our first baby and I have zero energy for anything. My husband and I are fighting all the time. I have a sharp tongue when I?m angry, and it hurts his feelings. After the argument is over, I usually realize that I jumped to a conclusion or was overreacting to whatever he had said or done. I feel so guilty but I am able to admit when I?m wrong. I apologize and we move on. But I would really like some tips on how to keep from getting so angry in the first place! We never used to be like this. Things used to be very simple when we disagreed about anything. But these fights always seem to take place in the middle of the night, when our son is up screaming. I don?t want to keep having the same argument all the time. What can I do?*

*? Suffering and Sleep-deprived*

**DEAR SUFFERING,**

I know it?s cold comfort at this point, but we?ve all been there. Anyone who has brought a child into a once-simple household and seen the almost immediate carnage can relate to your situation. We also can tell you that this, too, will pass. Okay, enough with the unhelpful clich?s.

You are asking for tips on being less reactive in the moment, a moment which usually takes place in the middle of the night, obviously without the benefit of a fully-rested mental state. My first tip is: Please don?t expect too much of yourself under those circumstances. If you can muster a little self-empathy it will go a long way to helping curb your reactivity. Next, try to notice what happens in your body when you start to get angry. Does your breathing get shallow? Do you feel tension in your neck or stomach? Make a mental (or physical) note of these indicators so that when they appear, you will know what is about to happen and you may be more capable of getting a handle on your anger before you lash out.

Next, breathe ? humor me and just do it. With practice, deep breaths (instead of nasty retorts) can become your automatic reaction to when you feel your body start to tense up. This process will clear your mind, or at least help you bridge to the point where you can see if you might be jumping to that wrong conclusion.

Then mirror what your husband is saying. Give it back to him, word-for-word, without interpretative voice inflection or attitude, and ask, ?Did I get it?? This serves two purposes. First, it lets him know that you heard him, calming his own anxiety in the moment while making him more receptive to your views. Second, it allows him to hear what he said ? he?s likely sleep- deprived as you are, and we all say things we don?t exactly mean at those times. Your husband can hear what he said, pause and decide if that?s really the message he wants to send. He can revise it or not, but I promise you he will be less defensive if you use this technique.

All of this is to help de-escalate the conflict in the middle of the night. Mirroring will not solve a disagreement about co-sleeping or how many blankets Baby needs. But it will buy you some time, and build up some goodwill between you. This will help avoid the tired routine of recognizing you were wrong, feeling guilty, and apologizing the next day, when it?s even more likely that you haven?t had much sleep again, either.

**DEAR STACY:**

*My husband got a new cell phone and started using a passcode to open it. He didn?t keep his old phone locked this way and I never found anything to worry about when I looked through it, but now I am starting to be suspicious. What should I do?*

*?Phone-Focused*

**DEAR PHONE-FOCUSED,**

So you have a habit of reading Husband?s texts and emails when you start getting suspicious about him, and now you are frustrated that you can?t get a quick fix to calm your anxiety? I wonder … Could this habit have something to do with his decision to get a new phone?

We don?t know from your letter if Husband?s job requires him to lock his phone (many do) or if you have talked to him about your doubts (probably not). What you do provide is some insight into how you may be managing your anxiety about your relationship: you check up on him and then breathe a sigh of relief. His new technology has removed this coping mechanism, and so you need a new one. Let?s celebrate that you wrote to me requesting relationship advice, and not to a techie forum requesting tips on how to hack into his device. That shows you are interested in improving your partnership overall ? a very good start!

I?m going to invite you to do a very honest inventory of whether you have a good reason to be suspicious about his activity. If he has been unfaithful before, how did you get through it? Did you work on your relationship together, or push the hurt and disaffection under the rug? Consider airing it out again (for best results, with a trained professional).

But if Husband has not given you a concrete reason to be distrustful, continue your honest inventory by looking at yourself ? your history, parents, friends, etc. If you are worried that Husband could become a jerk like So-and- So?s ex, perhaps you could explore your fears in a manner that is more healthy and life-giving than playing Nancy Drew.

Whenever we find ourselves doing something unconscious (which is what all that phone- patrolling really is) to allay our fears about a relationship, the faster and easier path to wholeness usually is becoming conscious about our motivations. Not an easy choice, but much more satisfying in the end. ?

*Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. Her website is www.stacymurphyLPC.com, and you can follow her on twitter @ StacyMurphyLPC. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacy@georgetowner.com.*

Gary Tischler • June 29, 2012

This is for people who wake up, head outside, take a deep breath and say, “I love the smell of mulch in the morning.”         

This is for the poetic hearts who get smitten and blown away by the sight of rows upon rows of red and yellow tulips, gardens so beautifully arranged that they marry both art and history. 

This is for the traveler who loves nothing better than to be embraced by the historic, as if every outing were a road map to an American Brigadoon.

In short, you don’t have to be a gardener to love gardens, you don’t have to be a researcher or a historian to want to drop by the  homes of our Founding Fathers. Stop by at Mt. Vernon, Monticello, Montpelier and say hello again to George, Thomas and James and their kin, and yes, visit their gardens.

This is for you, this being the 9th Annual Historic Garden Week in Virginia, April 21 to 28, spread out to all the historic, elegant, spring-kissed, history-touched places, towns, homes, villages, cities and wayward inns and stopping points along old coach routes and battlefields, and forested acres of land for fox hunting and horse raising.

While we’re speaking in historic terms, a little history is in order.  The Historic Garden Week is the offspring of the early members of the Garden Club of Virginia, who in 1929 wrote to their friends and suggested they go on a sort of  “pilgrimage” of historic homes and gardens in Virginia, of which there are multitudes.  The first tour lasted 11 days and produced a guidebook costing the grand sum of two dollars. As such projects sometimes go, the Historic Garden Week flowered, grew like dandelions do, lasted as the sturdiest of all-weather flowers, and was held annually ever since. There was a brief interruption during World War II when the Garden Club of Virginia sent help and money to England where folks were hard pressed to keep up their beloved gardens while under attack and preparing to invade Europe along with a few chaps from America.

This is the sort of thing that is a boon to the tourist industry of any state, because it encourages visitors to visit the whole state.  This is a region and state where people for centuries have named their houses, it’s where homes aren’t just a numbered address but an identity as in the Manor or Oakwood, Edgewood, Poke and Woodlawn Farm, to name four Middleburg attractions on the tours.

To take in the whole of the Garden Week, you will tramp across battlefields from the Revolutionary War to the Civil War, visit mansions, plantations, villas, inns, presidential homes, churches and residences dating back to colonial days.  You want history; you’ve got history. 

In the interests of history, the Garden Club of Virginia and its members turn the proceeds from the tours that are part of Historic Garden Week into restoration projects, including Mount Vernon, Monticello and the grounds of the Executive Mansion in Richmond.

Nearby Old Town Alexandria and Arlington provide part of the tours of Historic Garden Week, which also include Albermarle County, Ashland, Chatam, Clark County, Danville, Eastern Shore, Franklin, Fredericksburg, Gloucester-Matthews, Harrisonburg, Lake Gaston-Bracey and Ebony, Lexington, Lynchburg, Martinsville, Middleburg and Upperville, Middlesex County, the Middle Peninsula, Newport News, Hampton, Norfolk, Northern Neck-Lancaster County, Orange County, Petersburg, Portsmouth, Richmond, the Ampthill/Wilson area, the Boulevard and Three Chops/Westhampton of Richmond, Roanoke, Staunton, Virginia Beach and Williamsburg.

The week will consist of more than 31 separate tours held over eight days, featuring 191 homes and private gardens, an army of 3,400 volunteers, and a reported 15 tons of mulch — in the morning and other times.  All of this will be garnished, emblazoned, trumpeted and made as stunning and beautiful as a good-weather day at Eden by 2,000 floral arrangements and the presence of an estimated 5,730 tulips and other flowers, daffodils among them.

Close to home, Old Town Alexandria will take part in the Historic Garden Week on Saturday, April 21.

Old Town, with its weekly market, waterfront, city hall and Christ Church, cobbled streets, from where you can move right ahead to Mount Vernon,  has history as its daily companion and can have the pace of colonial times.

In Alexandria, two gardens clubs have partnered with six additional properties, including a half-dozen townhouses and gardens dating back to the 18th and 19th centuries.

On the tour that day will be the following residences and gardens:
– The Capri House and Garden at 117 South Lee Street
– Mrs. Wright’s garden at 212 South Fairfax Street, archived by the Smithsonian
– The Spar’s House and garden at 206 Wolfe Street
– The Boteler’s house and garden at 320 South Lee Street
– Ms. Scarborough’s house and garden at 613 South Royal Street
– The Jankowski’s house and garden at 215 Jefferson Street
– The famous Lee-Fendal House Museum and Garden at 614 Oronoco Street at North Washington Street
– The Carlyle House Historic Park at 121 Fairfax Street
– Mount Vernon, which was also a restoration site of the Garden Club of Virginia
– Woodlawn, 9000 Richmond Highway
– Gunston Hall Plantation at 10709 Gunston Road in Mason Neck

Arlington will hold its portion of the garden week tour on April 24, emphasizing homes built to create neighborhoods that would become one Virginia’s first suburban communities.
 
While Mount Vernon is closer to D.C., it might also be interesting to visit Thomas Jefferson’s Monticello, where the observance of the garden week will include a two-hour tour of Jefferson’s revolutionary garden April 21 and April 23.

Also of note is the tour at Ashland, April 21, which the Ashland Garden Club redesigned after the August 2011 earthquake in Louisa County damaged its centerpiece property.

For additional information and schedules, visit www.vagardenweek.org or www.gcvirginia.org. [gallery ids="100591,100592" nav="thumbs"]

Jennifer Altemus •

My sister Molly recently moved to Singapore from Sydney, and for me it proved a great excuse for a trip. So I took off January for a sisterly visit, to explore a region I had never traveled: Southeast Asia. The non-stop flight out of Newark Airport lasted 18 hours – and when I landed it was two days later.

On the equator, the island nation of Singapore, with its tropical rainforest climate, is continually hot and humid and enjoys sunrises and sunsets at 7:00 every day. The orderly country afforded me the chance to visit two big museums in one afternoon. And the shopping is beyond abundant. And because of the heat, everything is in a mall: shops, fine restaurants, nail salons, grocery stores, doctors’ offices, condos, museums . . . everything. It’s sort of bizarre. You never have to leave the air conditioned hallways. Everyone speaks English, the currency is in Singapore dollars and there is a Starbucks on every corner. So far, it didn’t seem to have much of an Eastern vibe. But I hadn’t sampled the food yet.

Singapore is famed for its food, and I was lucky to sample a lot of it. Food stalls stand in an endless array (many in the malls, of course), inexpensive and for the adventurous of palette– as you are never quite sure what you are getting. Black pepper crab is a national favorite, and nothing like our Chesapeake Bay crustaceans. One spicy crab will feed a family of five. And it is delicious.

Strangely, all the big-name American chefs have restaurants here. We dined at Wolfgang Puck’s super-expensive steakhouse, Cut, which was a surprising treat.

Green space covers half of this tiny country, which has a botanic garden with 66,000 orchids and an amazing tree-top walk over a forest. It also has the second largest casino gambling market in the world. I loved that there weren’t a lot of sightseeing must-dos, which allowed me to explore the city at my own pace and interest.
Then, our serious adventures began. Molly and I spent a week in precarious paradise: the Maldives, southwest of the tip of India and Sri Lanka. Fortunately, we left before the recent government upheaval, but the country was truly breathtaking.

It is hard to describe the magnificence of these islands in the Indian Ocean. It felt like Disneyland come true. The water was the clearest of blues, the sand pearl white and fine as baby powder. The territory of the Maldives, of which there are 200 inhabited islands (90 of which are individual private resorts), is ninety-nine percent ocean, and we hopped from island to island by boat or plane.

Upon landing at the capital city of Male, we took a seaplane to the Anantara Kihavah Resort Island. It is one of the larger resorts in the Maldives, and yet it only takes about 15 minutes to walk the perimeter. Our villa was stunning and opulent, right on the beach with two outdoor showers, a bathtub that would seat six (if we were so inclined) and our own swimming pool. The staff came from all over the world.

We did a lot of snorkeling on the reef about 100 yards from our door. The fish were otherworldly. We went to the spa – each treatment room is perched above the ocean with a glass floor so that you can watch the fish swim by while you are getting a massage. We ate and drank and ate some more. One of the five restaurants at the resort is like a reverse aquarium. It is a glass room fully submerged in the lagoon. While you are eating your fish, you can see his cousin swimming on by. I was completely rejuvenated by the time we left, wishing only that we could have stayed another week.

Next up, we flew to Thailand to celebrate Chinese New Year. Our first stop was Chiang Mai, Thailand’s second largest city, located in the north, between Laos and Burma. The weather was a little cooler than Singapore and the Maldives and extremely pleasant by contrast. We had only four days here but made the most of them, as we rode elephants and ox carts and sailed the Ping River on a bamboo raft. We did some power shopping at the Night Market, a huge area of the old city where the streets are closed off on Sunday night for thousands of vendors to set up stalls, selling everything from silk scarves and jewelry to fried fish heads. We experienced everything from gorgeous temples to restaurants in rice paddies. The Thai people are the world’s most hospitable hosts.

From there, I headed (sans sister) to Koh Samui, where I attended a four-day yoga retreat on the beach. While the water wasn’t as blue and the sand not as white as Maldives, I muddled through. I practiced at least three hours of yoga a day in a gazebo overlooking the Gulf of Thailand, had three massages, read a couple of books and ate the most healthful, delicious food.

For a final hurrah in Singapore, I rejoined Molly before boarding that 18-hour flight back home. While sad to leave, I know I’ll return. As they say in Singapore, “Onward.” [gallery ids="102435,121479,121483,121470" nav="thumbs"]

Dr. Dorree Lynn • June 18, 2012

I couldn’t stand my husband’s terrible snoring another minute, so I’ve been sleeping in the guest room. I love the peace and quiet, but now we rarely see each other. How can we keep the romance alive?
– Betty, 57

An estimated 20 percent of American couples do not sleep in the same bed. This is not necessarily a sign of a poor relationship. With age, people are willing to experiment and create their own comfort zones. Some people find that they need more alone time or that their partners’ snoring or rolling
around in bed really troubles them. There is a difference between sleeping apart because you just don’t like each other anymore and choosing to sleep separately for comfort’s sake. If it’s the latter, it’s important to make the time and effort to meet, greet, and connect with each other for sharing, intimacy, and lovemaking. Even when you sleep in the same bed, if you go to bed at different times, it helps to make a conscious effort to bond with each other for the sake of your relationship and sex lives. Find some time each day to cuddle and connect in bed, with or without sex.

One way of keeping passion and sex alive is to consider making love in new places, like a night in a hotel, or for those who are adventurous, remembering the passion of your youth on the living room floor, or in front of the fireplace, or maybe even on a kitchen table. If a new environment is a turn-on for you be creative, and find new places to keep sex alive.

If you can only do one thing to make your bedroom an oasis for you and your partner KEEP STRESS OUT. If possible put computers and work papers someplace else, and above all save all stress-producing conversations (about money, children, sick parents, grandparents, illness, and whatever might raise your blood pressure) for outside the bedroom. Once you enter your special space try to protect yourself and your partner from all sex-chilling stress of any kind.

Georgetowner •

While it hasn’t been a brutal winter in the District this year, it doesn’t mean we don’t get the fair-weather itch. Our minds race prematurely toward raspberry picking and the bounty of spring, maybe even a boat ride down the Chesapeake. Some of us jump even further into the future, planning our seaside beach weekends, wondering which shore to explore next.

And if you found your ideal getaway spot, it might be worth trying to stay for more than just a long weekend. Renting a house or condo for the summer is a pleasure — and it’s a decent local economy booster wherever you wind up — but sometimes it’s just too painful to leave. If you’ve found a location that suits you, buying a summer and weekend home is a worthy investment. But the perfect getaway spot means many different things, depending on the person.

Perhaps you’re looking for that white sandy beach surrounded by palm trees, golf courses, and world-class retail. Maybe you live a quieter existence and the Chesapeake Bay communities offer the lush solitude you seek. Others may seek a marriage of the two: relaxing beaches that afford your privacy with an array of fine dining and shopping to keep you busy through August.

Of course, there are endless options when choosing where to build your getaway nest, and you could spend your life searching for that perfect place. Here are our favorite weekend and summer getaway spots: their solid economies have proven these areas to all be sound investments, and each has a unique culture and community that is hard to beat throughout the East Coast.

Palm Beach, Florida
West Palm Beach is the oldest incorporated municipality in South Florida. The city was founded by Henry Flagler and was intended for him to establish the Southern Florida Railroad. He aimed to establish a resort town and a “worker city” across from it.

Instead, this city developed into the luxury homes and prestigious neighborhoods that it is known for today.
Today, it is one of the world’s most desirable communities, acclaimed for its gracious lifestyle, luxury real estate and relaxed sophistication. Shopping and dining are enjoyed on internationally renowned Worth Avenue, while an active sporting life centers on world-class polo,golf, tennis, yachting and deep-sea fishing.
Hosting an active calendar of events, noted cultural organizations include the Kravis Center for the Performing Arts, Flagler Museum, Society of the Four Arts and Norton Museum of Art. Palm Beach as an island is approximately 14 miles long and only one to four blocks at its widest point. The Atlantic Ocean forms its eastern boundary, with the western boundary along the Intracoastal Waterway or Lake Worth. Its beautiful beaches, golf, shopping, fishing, fine dining and upscale restaurants can keep anyone satisfied year-round. Of course, there are an endless variety of homes available in Palm Beach’s many neighborhoods

Eastern Shore, Maryland

Maryland’s Eastern Shore is probably best defined by “serenity.” Filled with lush inland forests, unspoiled wetlands and small, historic towns steeped in charm, any one of its towns is a great place to build a second home. For outdoor enthusiasts, there are endless opportunities for fishing, sailing, canoeing or kayaking in the Chesapeake Bay. Eclectic boutiques and antique shops line the streets alongside contemporary restaurants that feature the bounty of the surrounding farmland. History buffs can explore the centuries-old churches and homes, along with the preserved historic districts of Easton, St. Michaels and Oxford. And, lest we forget the seafood!

There is a suprising diversity of real estate options in the Eastern Shore region, from waterfront to golf home communities, with single-family homes, condos or townhouses, new construction and living communities available.

Talbot County and other counties of the Eastern Shore offer quaint waterfront communities, including St. Michaels, Oxford, Cambridge and Kent Island, with a variety of real estate options for water lovers. Here you’ll find luxury estate golf homes, active living communities, condos and townhomes, all along the Chesapeake and its tributaries. Luxury waterfront homes range in price from $2 million to $16 million. Golf course and in-town homes on the water range from $600,000 to $2 million. Waterfront condos and townhouses start around $350,000 and can go up to $1 million.

Rehoboth Beach, Delaware

Are you having visions of moonlit walks on the boardwalk? Do you dream at night of cresting sandy dunes and gazing down at the Atlantic’s undulating tide as it gently sweeps the shoreline? Have you wished upon a star for low property taxes and zero sales tax?

Okay, that last one is admittedly less romantic, but nevertheless, it’s still an integral part of Southern Delaware real estate’s growing appeal. Rehoboth Beach and its quieter neighboring communities of Bethany Beach and Fenwick Island, along with several other areas where you can find fantastic properties, collectively represent a Delaware real estate market that is drawing more savvy buyers every year. The word “Rehoboth” means “a place for all,” which makes the name apropos for this area, where people from all walks of life are equally welcome. The young, professional crowd from Washington comes for the beaches and the nightlife. Reader’s Digest has dubbed the famous Rehoboth Beach boardwalk, home to all manner of amusements, music, and spectacle, in its “Best in America” roundup.

Ari Post •

Virginia and Maryland cheesemakers are a tight-knit bunch. They are largely artisanal, small-batch producers that got started with the most basic, homegrown means. Many are self-taught hobbyists that went pro. Others followed their passion for dairy together with a passion for the local landscape. These cheeses are diverse, unique and delicious, running the gamut, from cow milk to sheep and goat milk cheeses.

There has been enormous headway within the community since the local industry got off the ground in the 1990s. According to Adam Smith, manager of Cowgirl Creamery cheese market in Penn Quarter, there is a hugely impressive array of cheesemakers within a stone’s throw of the District.

“I love introducing people to cheeses from around the area,” says Smith, who spent years in the California cheese industry before relocating to oversee Cowgirl’s flagship East Coast shop. “It isn’t just because it’s local, but because of the quality of the product. The diversity and quality of cheeses in the region allows people to find what they want.”

Smith, who promotes local cheeses through his shop, is not alone in his opinion. Cheeses from the area have been taking home national and international awards. They are now on par with France, Vermont, Spain and Switzerland as world-class artisans and producers. For those who are interested, there are opportunities to get to know their local, cheese-producing community. Everona Dairy, Firefly Farms and Caromont Farm are three regional dairy farms that bring visitors into the process of cheesemaking.

Don’t be fooled: These are working dairy farms, not tourist attractions — but the cheesemakers here offer us a chance to see into their process and get a better understanding of what is being accomplished just beyond the Washington area. With locations in the historic Maryland and Virginia countryside, surrounded by vineyards and bed-and-breakfast inns, it’s well worth carving out a cheesy weekend in your travel schedule.

Everona Dairy

“There would be no cheese in Virginia if it weren’t for Pat Elliott,” says Gail Hobbs, owner of Caromont Farm. “She’s a pioneer.”

Pat Elliott is the owner of Everona Dairy in Rapidan, Va. — just an hour south of Washington by way of Charlottesville — one of the country’s most acclaimed producers of sheep’s milk cheese. Elliott’s frank, casual disposition belies her achievement in the industry. You probably won’t hear her waxing poetic about divine dairy inspiration or the rejuvenating aroma of a windswept countryside. She’s more likely you to tell you that you just stepped in sheep manure and show you the most effective way to clean your sneakers.

A doctor and family practitioner by day, Elliott got her start in the cheese industry rather unusually. “I bought a border collie in the early ’90s,” she says, “and eventually had to get something for her to do. So, I got sheep for her to wrangle! And then I decided the sheep needed to pull their weight. So, I started to milk them and realized we could make cheese.”

By 1996, Everona Dairy was up and running. Easy.

Many of us consider cows to be the dairy- and cheese-producing animal — and in America that’s largely true. But Elliot points out that sheep’s milk is the predominant milk for cheeses throughout the Mediterranean, Italy, Britain, France, Belgium and Denmark. “It’s a good trivia fact,” she says. “There is actually more sheep’s milk being made in the world than cow’s milk.”

Everona’s signature cheese is the Piedmont, which won the Farmhouse category for sheep’s milk cheese at the American Cheese Society’s annual competition in 2005. “It’s unique to its category,” says Smith over at Cowgirl Creamery. “We’re constantly selling out of it. It has an insane amount of depth — when people taste it, they’re awed by it.”

Its Shenandoah (the cheeses all have place names), created in 2008 by Elliott and cheesemaker Carolyn Wentz, is the only Swiss-style sheep’s milk cheese in the world. In 2009, it received a Bronze award in the United States Cheese Contest and placed tenth in the world at the 2010 World Cheese Championship.

Open Wednesday through Sunday in the afternoon hours, Elliott invites guests to come see how Everona Dairy works. Visitors are taken through the cheesemaking process, shown where the milk is made and the cheeses are ripened, and invited to a tasting afterward.

Guests should call ahead if they plan to visit. “There’s almost always someone here,” Elliott says. “But we want to be ready to host.”

With Charlottesville just down the road, as well as the Caromont Farm cheese folks, make it a wine and cheese weekend.

EveronaDairy.com

Caromont Farm

Continuing past Everona Dairy and passing south of Charlottesville, you will find Caromont Farm in Esmont, Va. Owner Gail Hobbs started out producing and distributing her fresh goat’s milk cheese through her community, but soon expanded and began experimenting with aging her product. “People tend to think of goat’s milk cheese as only fresh cheese around here,” says Hobbs. “But in Spain and France, goat’s milk cheeses are frequently and successfully well aged.”

Caromont’s raw, aged goat cheese is unique in its category, with wonderful flavors and textures. “It’s a very well crafted cheese,” says Smith at Cowgirl Creamery. “And there are not a lot of people making and aging mid-sized wheels of raw goat cheese for several months. It’s pretty cool.”??Another mission for Hobbs is to bring out the distinct flavor of the local land — or terroir — into the cheese. “That’s why we work so much with raw milk,” she says. “More terroir is expressed in the final product with less water and electricity used. We’re so new that it’s really uncharted territory. But I was encouraged by what our area has to offer: big farms, lots of grass, and it’s not industrial. It’s just very new for this area. But we’ve come quite far.”

Caromont recently decided to utilize the great resources of cow’s milk in the surrounding area and has since started sourcing milk and making cow’s milk cheese as well.

And while the cow’s milk cheese is very good, their goat cheese is ethereal. The Esmontian, Caromont’s premier raw goat’s milk cheese, is a dense cheese with a runny interior that tastes faintly acidic and slightly sour, with a delicate, sweet overtone.

The Alberene Ash is a small, aged pyramid of cheese with a thin layer of ash through its center and dusted on its outside, which is aged in a wild blue mold-filled cave for three weeks. When the pyramid is perfectly covered in wild blue, they’re ready. This one is as pretty as it is tasty.

Caromont doesn’t have the open door policy for visitors the way some larger dairy farms do. However, if you call them, they’re usually happy to take cheese enthusiasts around the farm. “We don’t really have an area for visitors,” says Hobbs. “But we try to accommodate people who are interested in seeing what we do. By appointment only, we say. If you’re interested, give us a call. We want to encourage people to see what we’re about.”

“A lot of these places are very small,” says Hobbs about her fellow cheesemakers and their facilities. “And it can be a very sensitive area — hair nets, boot covers. It’s not like going to a petting zoo or a chocolate factory. That’s why our goal is to have something in town where people could learn about cheese and experience it there. It’s in the works.”

CaromontFarm.com

FireFly Farms

Cheesemakers Michael Koch and Pablo Solanet started to make goat cheese in their home as a hobby in the late ’90s, taking the milk from their neighbor’s goat. When they went to submit their two varieties of homemade cheese in the annual American Cheese Society’s amateur competition, they accidentally entered them in the commercial category. The cheeses received gold and silver ribbons.

Needless to say, Koch and Solanet decided to give cheesemaking a go. By 2003, FireFly Farms was off the ground.

FireFly Farms offers nationally and internationally award-winning goat cheese that features the distinct regional flavors of Maryland’s Allegheny Plateau. “Our cheese is flying off the shelf,” says Andrea Cedro, director of marketing for FireFly Farms. “We just moved into a new creamery in July of last year after we outgrew our last barn.”

This summer, FireFly plans to do more tours of the back of the house. Meanwhile, its market in the front has windows that look into the “make room” (where the cheeses are made) and the aging room. Cheesemakers are always around to answer any questions. “The store has really given us an outlet in the country for people to stop by and visit,” Cedro says. “But soon we will be able to bring you in to see the back of the house if you’re interested.”

Besides selling Firefly Farms cheeses, its new storefront offers cheese from around the country, selected by Firefly’s cheesemakers. Also available are regional boutique wines and beers. Wine and cheese pairings are offered on weekends. “We want a place where people can visit us and get a taste of cheesemaking,” says Cedro. “A place to experience the artisan cheese world.”

FireFlyFarms.com

Cheese around the District

If you can’t make it out to the country in pursuit of the perfect cheese, these locations across the Washington area have great selections, including a variety of local cheeses (including the ones mentioned above). If you’re looking for something specific, we recommend calling ahead and asking about it:

Cowgirl Creamery
919 F St. NW

La Fromagerie
1222 King Street
Alexandria, Va.

Arrowine and Cheese
4508 Lee Hwy
Arlington, Va.

Whole Foods
Various locations in DC, Virginia, and Maryland

Wegman’s
Various locations in Virginia and Maryland [gallery ids="100497,118110,118088,118104,118097" nav="thumbs"]

Stacy Notaras Murphy •

Dear Stacy:

My ex-girlfriend and I broke up three months ago (her idea). She wasn’t happy. She wanted to go out more and wanted me to be more social than I really am (I’m an introvert, plain and simple). I started dating someone new, and it’s been pretty casual between us (she travels a lot for work) and I’m happy. At least I thought I was until my Ex updated her Facebook profile to show that she is “in a relationship” with a new guy. I thought I was over her and had moved on with my life, but seeing this update makes me so angry I can’t see straight. We’ve had some contact since the breakup (occasional texting, I ran into her at a party) and she has said nothing about the new guy. Then, suddenly she’s in a committed relationship out of the blue, and my friends are all asking me what I think about it. When I think about it, I’m not jealous, really. I’m just angry at her for making a public announcement like this without telling me first. I never changed my [Facebook] status to show I was dating someone new, because it’s not serious. I’m just so angry that she would tell me like this.
-Blood-boiling in Arlington

Dear Blood-boiling:
I’m so sorry that you are feeling humiliated – no one likes that feeling — and I’m impressed that you can already name it amid all the boiling blood and such. Your anger (Justified? I’m not sure . . .) makes sense as it functions as a surface emotion giving your mind the “permission” it needs to experience the humiliation. That’s what anger is, a surface experience giving us clues to a deeper, more difficult emotion. Your humiliation may be part of what’s driving the anger, but I would also imagine there was a little bit of denial operating under there as well. You got into another, very “casual” relationship soon after the breakup of a long-term coupling. This hints that you may not have really worked through the pain that comes when any relationship ends – regardless of who chose to exit first, there is always sadness and mourning when a partnership ends.
As you said, you “moved on” quite quickly into a casual dating situation with someone who is not overly available. This also suggests that you were working to find a quick fix to numb the pain of the breakup. So, here you are, several months later with a still burning wound lacking any intentional medical treatment (stick with this metaphor, I’m getting somewhere, I promise). Her status update was a new blow to that still-tender gash – super painful and undoing any of the minor remediation provided by New Girl’s presence. You need to clean this wound: e.g., pay attention to all the feelings of the breakup (which included basically being rejected for who you are and how you like to spend your time – not exactly easy to swallow). Process this grief with a friend, mentor or counselor, and finally set yourself to healing from this. Oh, and stop reading her Facebook updates. That’s masochistic behavior, and you need to start treating yourself better.

Dear Stacy:
I’m feeling caught in the middle of an argument between friends, and I need some advice. My friends, let’s call them Ross and Rachel, recently got married. We are all 24 years old, friends from college and former group housemates. They are now off living on their own and not adjusting to marital life too well. Both are complaining about the other to me – fights ranging from who should clean their apartment to how much money they should be saving. Rachel is miserable at her job, all her friends know it, and wants to quit, but Ross is not supportive. I’m really on her side about this, but he keeps talking about it. I feel like I’m being dishonest even listening to his rants about her selfishness. The short question is what advice to give about Rachel’s job since I really think she should quit. The larger question is how do I deal with my friends and their dramas now that they are a married unit?
-Middlegrounded in Northwest

Dear Middlegrounded:
You’re describing a very common, tricky situation as we transition from the Roommate Phase of life into True Adulthood. I completely understand your sympathy for their conflict, but I want to let you off the hook: this is not your problem. It’s a subtle shift, to be sure, but their move from housemates to lifemates necessitates another round of cord cutting. Ross and Rachel chose to leave the group house nest and start a new life together, meaning they cannot rely on the old process of going down the hall to complain about the odd housemate out. They are in their partnership together and need to sort through these issues on their own.

The good news is that you really don’t have to be the one to lay down the law about this new life phase – they will make this realization on their own with time. What you can do is use the so-called “smaller question” about Rachel’s job troubles as an exercise in boundary-setting. You are beginning a new phase in your relationship with them as well, one where you will not want to become the tiebreaker voter – believe me, taking on that role a few times will guarantee that when Couple realizes they are in a two-person marriage, you probably won’t even have a place as a confidant anymore. You aren’t less of a friend just because you don’t process their every move the way you used to – rather, you are evolving along with them. This is about growing up, and it’s not pain-free. Protect your investment: Tell both that you love them and admire their commitment so much that you don’t want to get involved. It’s the best long-term solution here.

Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed, professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist, practicing in Georgetown. Her website is www.stacymurphyLPC.com, and you can follow her on twitter @StacyMurphyLPC. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to [stacy@georgetowner.com](mailto:stacy@georgetowner.com)

Dr. Dorree Lynn •

There are more people talking about the value and sanctity of marriage than there are actually people standing before one another saying, “I do.” Recent studies that revealed that marriage rates were down in the United States — lower than they’ve ever been, in fact. This has rattled marriage protection groups and fueled the conversation over the definition of marriage and its role in modern society. From same-sex couples who want the protection of marriage to domestic partnerships for widows/widowers who refuse to remarry for economic reasons, marriage is a single-source-topic but nobody is on the same page.

What is most important in a marriage: legal protection, shared benefits, status/recognition or the commitment that comes with marriage? It’s a simple question, one that would suggest a simple answer, but marriage is structured to accommodate people of all kinds and with all reasons for why they want to get married. Some marry for money; others for love or for the love of something. Some marry hoping for everlasting love; others marry knowing it will never last. Whereas people once felt the need to get married in order to have children, many seem perfectly happy raising children as single parents.

Studies show that with or without a ring, healthy long-term relationships produce healthy long-living people. One does have to wonder why the issue of marriage takes on such significance. Perhaps the non-marriage is a backlash to all of the years of witnessing so many unhappily married couples, acceptance of affairs, political and Hollywood influence, etc. Possibly, it’s a good time to rethink if we’ve gone too far in the opposite direction.

The major difficulty with marriage is that it’s hard work. Nobody ever teaches the tools to make it work well. We still have an image that a good marriage should flow effortlessly, but that’s mere fantasy. One of the biggest challenges, especially in our workaholic Washington, D.C., is that our priorities are upside down. Most people give their all at the office and give leftovers at home. Just imagine if we flipped it. Picture it as a strong tree, if your roots are strong, your tree will stand strong. But if your tree is flipped, your branches won’t support you like the roots do!

Ultimately, the backbone of marriage is the bond between you and your partner. It is the love you have for one another and share with one another. There is no legal paper with a stamp on it, no word or term, no social stigma that can affect that bond, and that is something that is created between you and another person, from the efforts of each of you. You cannot allow yourself, your partner or your love to be affected by outside influences including religious debates and Hollywood flings.

The fundamental tools of marriage are communication and the knowledge that sex is more than penetration. Nurture your relationship by keeping your bedroom a romper room (no dirty laundry, medicine bottles, sports equipment), and remember that foreplay begins with “I love you” in the morning. But when it comes down to whether or not to say “I do,” just remember that actions speak louder than words, and a marriage is something you do, not something you say.