Living

Samantha Hungerford • May 4, 2011

Driving southwest beyond the bustle of DC, the edges of the city begin to melt away into its suburbs where high-rise buildings are fewer and farther between and new condos and housing complexes spring up along the highway, accommodating residents of the nation’s expanding capital. Continue still further south and even those images of city living begin to fade. Low-lying fences of dry, stacked stone run along the twisting roadsides, separating the asphalt from the rolling country beyond. What could be taken as a picturesque scene from an English painting is actually Virginia’s Loudoun County, the heart of America’s Horse Country.

The many stories that make up Loudoun’s long, rich history of equestrian life are housed in the National Sporting Library and Museum, where over 17,000 books dating back to the 16th century, as well as cycles of exhibitions, chart the county’s sporting traditions back to their roots. The current exhibit, on display through June 30, is “Horses at Work and Play,” which showcases literature and toys from the National Sporting Library’s collections and the renowned Athelstan and Kathleen Spilhaus collection.

This fall a new wing adjoining the library’s old brick building will open. The renovated hall will be the home of American and European fine sporting art, celebrating horse culture and field sports with through artistic representations.

Horse culture is also the life and blood of many shops in Loudoun, such as Middleburg’s Journeymen, a tack store and workshop creating custom-made leather goods such as chaps and saddles. It’s also the only place in town to get repairs and adjustments for your gear. The front of the store is home to a boutique where a tailor can outfit you with fitted suits in addition to riding attire.

Punkin Lee, the owner of the store whose strong hands and piercing eyes are at odds with her unique name, has been working with leather as the head of Journeymen for the past 34 years. A Middleburg native, Lee, grew up around horses, hunting and showing throughout her youth. At one time her grandmother’s barn was even the stomping ground for General George S. Patton’s horses, she said.

“It’s the industry here,” Lee said. “Annapolis has boats, we have horses.”

Having made every repair from a camel saddle to handmade leather boots for a dog, Lee stresses that the quality of her work is what keeps her customers from Middleburg and around the world coming back to her store. Pieces of Lee’s world-class gear have even made their way to the Olympics.

For the past 157 years, Loudoun residents and horse enthusiasts from across the world gather in Upperville for the Upperville Colt and Horse Show, the oldest horse show in the U.S. featuring events from children’s competitions to Olympic-level riders and horses. June 6 through 12, the show will enter its 158th season at The Oaks, the event’s beautiful, grass-covered showgrounds nestled in Loudoun’s rolling foothills. For just $10 per person, visitors can watch a packed schedule of daily events with competitions for hunters, jumpers and breeders. Visit Upperville.com for more information.

On May 7, about 50,000 people will travel to Great Meadow in The Plains region of Loudoun for the 86th annual Virginia Gold Cup steeplechase. The day’s six hurdle and timber horse races as well as its Jack Russell Terrier races are famous nationwide, and draw countless vendors, tents and tailgaters. The spectators will also have a chance to compete in the hat contest. Ladies sporting the biggest and best derby hats will be judged in the afternoon on Members Hill. To learn more about the steeplechase, go to VaGoldCup.com.

Another tradition in Loudoun County is the Annual Hunt Country Stable Tour hosted by Trinity Episcopal Church. This self-driven auto tour will enter its 52nd year the weekend of May 28, when drivers will tour a circuit of Upperville, Middleburg and The Plains, visiting the areas thoroughbred breeding farms, show hunger barns, fox hunting barns and country estates. Call 540.592.3408 or visit HuntCountryStableTour.org for more information and tickets.

But riding in Loudoun County isn’t just for equestrian addicts and professionals. It’s a part of life for everyone, including visitors and first-timers. The area abounds with stables and fields where just about anyone can learn to ride. At the southern tip of Loudon, Aldie Dam Stable occupies more than 450 acres of land and offers lessons and trail rides for riders with all levels of experience. Call 540.931.8779 to find out more.

Although Loudoun’s title of Horse Country is rich in history and tradition, the area also holds another prestigious title: Wine Country. More than 54 wineries are scattered throughout the area, their presence marked by the sprawling vineyards interspersed among the farms and grazing fields. The wineries are grouped into five clusters: the Loudoun Heights Cluster, the Waterford Cluster, the Potomac Cluster, the Mosby Cluster and the Harmony Cluster. This arrangement, in addition to the long, beautiful country roads, makes touring the vineyards an incredibly relaxing experience. These picture-perfect venues are wonderful settings to enjoy the slow pace of the countryside while sampling some of Virginia’s best wines. [gallery ids="99655,105340,105336,105334" nav="thumbs"]

Ari Post •

Elizabeth Petty was diagnosed with breast cancer in April 2009. Determined to overcome the disease, she underwent radiation and chemotherapy, but ventured further out into alternative healing methods. Choosing an integrative approach to medicine, Petty immersed herself into the extraordinary lives of those who healed themselves naturally through diet and exercise. She began eating a raw food diet. Now cancer free, she has merged her career with her lifestyle, creating a platform to raise awareness of this remarkable, beneficial approach to health. Her restaurant and catering service, Elizabeth’s Gone Raw, is a celebration of organic, fresh ingredients, which brings the bright and ebullient flavors of nature, as well as its unparalleled health benefits, to Washington. She spoke to us about her journey, the benefits of raw and vegan diets, and shared recipes and secrets of integrating this health approach into a regular lifestyle.

Georgetowner: So…a raw food diet seems fairly daunting. But is it worth the effort?

Elizabeth Petty: Eating a raw and vegan diet is absolutely worth the effort on many levels— spiritually and emotionally as well as physiologically. A plant-based diet offers an abundance of protein. It is rejuvenating, it offers mental clarity, and it provides a rich source of enzymes which act as catalyst in the cells and assist in oxygenating your body by separating red blood cells. Oxygen can then move freely through the blood stream, allowing the white blood cells to fight disease.

A raw and vegan diet helps prevent heart disease, cancer and diabetes, too. It is especially important to eat organic and locally grown raw fruits and vegetables free of pesticides, which further increases your sense of wellbeing. From an emotional perspective, a diet free of preservatives, meat, dairy, caffeine, alcohol and processed sugar helps calm your central nervous system, creating a balance of energy and emotional stability. With this stability comes the opportunity to pursue spiritual awareness and personal harmony with greater focus.

GT: Many worry about the gastronomic monotony and restrictions of a diet as stringent as this. Does your palate ever get bored? How does the food taste?

EP: I don’t find it at all boring or monotonous. It requires thoughtful effort put into the preparation of food using a wide variety of ingredients, including all vegetables, fruits, nuts, grains, seeds and sea vegetables.

A dinner at Elizabeth’s Gone Raw can include: hemp and flax cracker topped with olive tapenade, shaved fennel slaw and chive oil; baby arugula with Royal Trumpet Mushrooms and truffle vinaigrette; cantaloupe-basil sorbet; and thinly sliced sheets of zucchini layered with pine nut ricotta, pesto and pear tomatoes with parsley salad

GT: Is it a difficult diet to maintain?

EP: It is difficult to maintain at first because you have to change the way you think about food. You also have to find the right sources for organic foods, which requires a bit of research. When I started drinking green juice three times a day, my initial feeling was one of concern in fear that I would not be able to keep up the pace of juicing so frequently. Now, almost two years later, I find that I crave raw vegetables and will plan my day around finding the opportunity to juice. I just recently traveled overseas for ten days and took my juicer with me. I was welcomed in every hotel kitchen and shared with the staff daily shots of wheatgrass and green juice. It is healing to share with others such nutritious, healthful foods that promote wellbeing. It is a small way to give back to the universe.

What we choose to put into our bodies becomes a reflection of how we choose to live with respect to our planet. Eating becomes a philosophy of life, a ritual by which food nourishes and heals our bodies. It is less about consumption and more about fulfillment and awareness. Raw, living cuisine heightens the senses. It is sexy, alive and clean!

GT: What propelled you into the culinary subculture of raw foods?

EP: My breast cancer diagnosis allowed me the opportunity to choose a different lifestyle. There is so much information available about natural healing in regards to cancer. I am most grateful to Kris Carr who wrote “Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips” and to Dr. Brian Clement, the director of Hippocrates Health Institute, both of whom had a profound influence on the choices I have made in regards to treatment. Although I chose to have surgery followed by chemotherapy and radiation, my raw diet in conjunction with treatment gave me the strength to endure such a rigorous medical schedule.

GT: Had you any real experience with raw foods before your breast cancer diagnosis?

EP: Quite honestly, I had read an article in Atlantic Monthly about ten years ago about a raw diet, at which point I thought sounded a bit odd and not at all appealing. Life is wonderfully circular that way.

GT: Do you remember your first culinary experience with the cuisine of a raw food diet?

EP: My first experience with beautifully prepare raw cuisine was at Hippocrates Health Institute, which I attended for three weeks after I completed my chemotherapy and radiation treatments. Every cell in my body responded positively to the nutritious food I was given to eat, and by the end of the stay I felt as though I had been reborn. I felt encouraged about eating raw and recognized that my path had been chosen. During this period or recuperation and healing, it became clear to me that I wanted to offer to DC an alternative cuisine, raw, living and organic high end cuisine.

GT: Are you cancer free now?

EP: I am presumably cancer free. More importantly, though, I feel grateful to have had cancer. I can honestly say that I feel more fulfilled now in life than prior to my diagnosis.

Life is full of challenges. Enlightenment comes from the way in which we choose to deal with disparity. I have truly been blessed and intend to share with others these alternative ways of healing.

GT: Why did you choose to steer your newfound lifestyle into a career?

EP: My life and my career have always been intertwined. It is so important to me to educate people about the health benefits and wonderful taste of raw cuisine. It is yet another form of art in the culinary world, one with compassion and thoughtfulness.

GT: Who is in charge of creating your menu?

EP: The raw cuisine at Elizabeth’s Gone Raw is prepared by my executive chef Tom Berry and my pastry chef Calvin Lee, both of whom have taken on the challenge with much enthusiasm. Because I am still in the early stages of healing, I eat very simply prepared salads with plenty of sprouts, avocados, sea vegetables, lemon and organic virgin olive oil. I will occasionally eat a cooked yam or quinoa and when dining out, and I opt for anything vegan on the menu as long as it is a grain.

If you’re not familiar with raw cuisine, I would recommend dining at Elizabeth’s Gone Raw before you start preparing or eating raw. It will hopefully dispel any myths you have heard about raw food and encourage you to embrace the lifestyle so that the rewards are profound. Our spicy kale chips have been getting quite a bit of press and are easy to prepare.

Krispy Kale Chips
—

These chips are not only a wonderful healthy alternative to traditional snack chips, they are fun to make! This is recipe allows for a lot of experimentation, feel free to try spicier chips or chips with more lemon. There are many ways to make your unique kale chip.

Equipment: Food Processor, Dehydrator

Ingredients

3 heads kale
5 red peppers
1 pound cashews
2/3 cup nutritional yeast
2 cups water
2 tablespooons sea salt
2/3 cup lemon juice
1 jalapeno
1/2 tablespoon cayenne

Soak the cashews at least two hours. De-stem the kale, dice the red peppers and jalapeno and juice the lemon. Combine all ingredients, except for the kale, in a food processor and mix until desired creamy consistency. Massage the mixture into the kale. Flatten the kale pieces and place into dehydrator at 115 degrees overnight or until desired crispiness is achieved. [gallery ids="99656,105341,105338" nav="thumbs"]

Lisa Gillespie •

Vineyards conjure images of grandeur: rolling hills of grape vines, lavish dinner parties at million dollar homes, a sort of bohemian wealth and influence. Sometimes though, it can come to a roaring halt when those same vineyards that supply the grandeur fail in a way Mother Nature could have predicted.

Patricia Kluge, famed socialite who married rich, divorced nine years later and settled for the Charlottesville Mansion and nearly $1 million a year and then remarried, is again under fire after her $3 million house foreclosed this month.

In February, Albermarle, a 200-acre and 45-room estate built by her late husband, John W. Kluge, was repossessed by creditor Bank of America for $15.3 million.

It all started when Kluge established Kluge Estate Winery and Vineyard on 960 acres in Charlottesville. She took out $65 million in loans to expand wine production and to build luxury homes on half the land. Then the bottom dropped out and she found that she could only sell half of what they anticipated. She defaulted on $35 million in loans. Over the past three years, Kluge lost Albermarle (originally valued at $100 million, now on the market for $16 million), $15.1 million worth of jewelry, and plenty of art and furniture to pay her debt and then the winery.

On April 7 billionaire Donald Trump bought half of the land, including the winery, for $6.21 million, the other half going to Loudoun developer Sal Cangiano for $1.2 million. Trump told the Washington Post he sees the purchase as a great real estate deal, but not as an opportunity to continue the great wine making of Kluge. “I’m really interested in good real estate, not so much in wine,” he said.

Trump is also interested in Albermarle, for which they hold the First Right of Refusal, though general counsel for the Trump Organization Jason D. Greenblatt told Forbes, “Ultimately we’d like to buy the home, but the bank has an unrealistic expectation for the purchase price.”

Whatever the outcome of the land, Trump’s made it clear that he wants Kluge to stay on in some capacity at the vineyards, though there’s been speculation about a possible golf course. Kluge will no longer own her 960 acres of land, two homes or a reputation as a wine maker.

Ari Post • April 25, 2011

“You might bend down to pick up a pen and hurt your back, but that’s not why you hurt your back,” says Sung Up Hong. “There is a history and a reason behind that problem with deeper roots than what you see and feel on the outside.”

That is the goal of acupuncture, says Hong, a third-generation licensed acupuncturist, who practices at Hela Spa in Chevy Chase: to find the root cause of the problem and treat the patient holistically.

At the spa, trying to nap with a few dozen needles stuck into various regions your body may not seem like the most effective means of fortifying your health and spirits. But as anyone who has received acupuncture will tell you, there are few more refreshing steps toward repose and well-being.

Acupuncture, a 2,000-year-old oriental medical practice, has its origins in China and Korea and has long been acknowledged as a versatile and beneficial alternative medicine technique to supplement treatment of a wide range of illnesses, pain and bodily stress. When incorporated with traditional herbal remedies, each with their own unique actions and health benefits, acupuncture is well worth exploring as a therapeutic health treatment.

A great deal of over-the-counter medicine available today is designed as a quick-fix treatment. Headaches, digestive problems, respiratory issues and congestion, as well as a wide range of recurring bodily problems are too often treated with temporary solutions. Advil, for instance, numbs the problem when you have a headache, but it does not get rid of the habit of headaches or a chronic headache.

Acupuncture is effectively performed to increase flow and release pressure along the body’s network of blood circulation, its Acupuncture Meridian, according to standards of oriental medicine. There are 12 major meridian lines that run vertically on both sides of your body. “Acupuncture along the meridian lines helps our body’s energy to circulate,” Hong says.

Pain—be it cramps in your shoulders, waist, headaches and so on—is a result of bad circulation, he says. “Something is blocking the flow of energy and blood circulation, which we unblock with acupuncture and herbal supplements.”

Acupuncture is diverse and multifaceted. It can help treat arthritis, allergies, congestion, insomnia, headaches, menstruation problems, digestion problems, pain-related systems (shoulders, back, knees, etc.) and more, with overall focus on strengthening the immune system and internal energy.

This internal energy and blood circulation, called Chi, is what Hong refers to as life force energy. “It is what makes us move,” he says with a poetic lilt. “It circulates our blood, makes our organs function properly. It keeps our bodies balanced and strengthens our immune system.”

Hong has a certain intuitive way of speaking about acupuncture and a harmonious body in the manner a 17th-century sailor talked about the stars and the sea. His entire life has intimately involved Hong with oriental medicines — his family has practiced acupuncture for over 100 years — and beyond his professional training, the practice and application of it is noticeably engrained within him. “I was raised with oriental medicine,” he says, “and I learned how effective it is from a personal standpoint.”

His understanding of health and well-being is very much of his own time and place. Far from being dated, Hong encourages acupuncture medical research in the here-and-now. His goal is to conduct research and studies to prove scientific benefits of acupuncture and blood flow. He holds a master’s degree of science from Samra University of Oriental Medicine in Los Angeles and has learned to appreciate both traditional and integrative medicine to enhance treatment effects in patients. He has treated sports injuries and worked on spine rehabilitation as well as pain control and infertility issues.

As for the Washington area, “All my patients are stress-related,” Hong says.

“Everyone comes here for being stressed out,” he says. That’s no surprise, given the competitive nature of politics and the cut-throat pace of this mile-a-minute city.

Of course, there are always skeptics when it comes to alternative medicine. Most people I have spoken with have admitted skepticism toward the efficacy of acupuncture.

It is necessary to point out that one should only go to a well-trained practitioner with proper accreditation to receive acupuncture, but I highly suggest going in for a consultation. After measuring my pulse and examining the color of my tongue, Hong was able to ascertain accurate and specific idiosyncrasies of my own health that no doctor had ever diagnosed. Like someone reading secrets buried deep in my mind, he could tell the general scope of my diet and pinpoint factors of my own bodily stress, which he then treated with acupuncture, explaining to me where he had decided to place the needles via a model of the Acupuncture Meridian.

And while I haven’t been floating on daffodils or singing to bluebirds on my shoulder, I really have felt remarkably refreshed in the week following my acupuncture appointment.

But, as Hong explains, the result of acupuncture is not to walk out after your first appointment cured of all ailments and maladies. The nature of acupuncture is similar to that of exercise or a healthy diet: Your body benefits over time with recurrence and conditioning, supplemented with a healthy lifestyle.

In conjunction with acupuncture, there are also plenty of little changes you can make in your day-to-day life to improve your well-being, Hong says. Sometimes we don’t even know that what we are doing is bad for us until we make a change.

Consider Hong’s tips for a better tomorrow:

WELLNESS TIPS

Posture
Everyone is looking down, slouched at computers. Even using iPhones, we look down. As we look down, the weight of our head goes to the muscles of our necks and they tighten up. People also cross their legs a lot, which twists the pelvis and throws the back off balance, which is often the beginning of back issues. So always do your best to correct your posture: Open up your shoulders and try your best to sit up straight, and look straight at your computer screen.

Move Around

Make sure to get up every 30 minutes at least and really move. Take a stretch, walk around the office, maybe down the block. Make sure to get your blood circulating and breath deep.

Drink
Drink less soda, more water. Water filters your liver, reducing the risk of cramps and refreshing your system.

Eat
Eat more slowly, chew longer and control the amount of your eating. We sometimes eat so quickly that we have eaten too much before our brain realizes we are full. So, chew 20 or 30 times before swallowing. It also helps with digestion and the processing of foods, as it is more thoroughly broken down once it enters our digestive system. [gallery ids="99649,105304,105308" nav="thumbs"]

Samantha Hungerford • April 20, 2011

As it turns out, it is quite possible to give your kids a memorable summer camp experience without shipping them halfway across the country. There are amazing day and stay-away camps right in DC’s back yard. Whether your child is interested in education, is a budding sports fan or a young artist, there are a myriad of fun summer options in the city and the greater DC area for you and your kids to choose from.

Beauvoir – Activities of all Types for Little Tykes

Many of DC’s private schools offer summer programs for their students and other children from the area. Beauvoir Summer Program at the National Cathedral Elementary School is one such camp for kids ages 3 – 11. Kids are encouraged to play, learn and explore at the camp’s playgrounds, pool and wading pool under the guidance of experienced camp counselors (most of which are professional teachers) and life guards.

Although it is a day camp, Beauvoir offers before and after camp programs to accommodate busy parents’ schedules. With schedules centered around titles like “Animal Detectives,” “Wild About Water” and “Fairytale Fantasy,” there are activities for every little critter. For slightly older groups, Beauvoir offers acting and foreign language programs in addition to their swimming classes which are available for all ages. Go to BeauvoirSchool.org for more details and to register.

Visitation – All Sports, All Ages

Visitation Preparatory School, another local private school, also offers summer programs for young athletes. Every summer, the school partners with TenniStar to bring a team of great coaches to the campus to train kids ages 5 – 15. A total of six camps are available: tennis, soccer, lacrosse, basketball and field hockey. The final program, SportStar, was created by alumni for incoming freshmen and their friends as a place to meet new people through recreational sporting fun. For more information and to register visit Visi.org. To find out more about TenniStar, call 301.530.5472.

Georgetown University Summer Programs – Academic Excellence for Students

Plenty of local options are also available for high school students. Kids grades nine through 12 can get ahead in their academic careers by enrolling in one of Georgetown University’s summer programs. Word has it they’re even fun, too! Young adults can take an array of programs from Arabic to forensic science, earn college credit and prepare for the SATs with the faculty of the University.

Pigment Art Studio Summer Camps – Arts n’ Crafts Afternoons

For little artists, morning and afternoon summer camp sessions are offered at Pigment Art Studio in Adams Morgan, a group whose mission is to motivate and collaborate with young artists in the community. This program features small class sizes and individual attention, so the spaces fill up quickly! Visit PigmentArtStudio.com to request more information and to register.

Camp Rim Rock – Fun in the Sun for Girls

Of course, if your kids can’t wait to get out and away from the house this summer, there are plenty of great summer camps located around the outskirts of DC. Camp Rim Rock, two hours outside of the city in West Virginia, is an all-girls summer camp celebrating its 60th year of making memories for girls ages 6 – 16. The camp sits on over 600 acres of hiking and riding trails as well as places for swimming and sports. Rim Rock also offers programs in performance and arts and crafts. Over 100 counselors oversee the activities during the camp’s three, five and seven-week stay-away sessions. Specialty camps in riding and tennis are also available. To find out more, visit CampRimRock.com.

Camp Hidden Meadows – Far Off Explorations

For very adventurous boys and girls ages 7 –16, an even farther summer camp experience is available at Camp Hidden Meadows in the Allegheny Mountains of West Virginia. Campers can choose from an enormous list of daily activities such as horse back riding, rock climbing, woodworking, white water rafting, basketball, yoga, pottery, culinary arts, farming, painting, and the list goes on. This American Camp Association accredited camp offers sessions that are one week long and up, following the philosophy that learning comes easily in a fun, supportive environment. To learn more, go to CampHiddenMeadows.com. [gallery ids="99650,105309,105312" nav="thumbs"]

Georgetowner • April 5, 2011

Dear Stacy,
I find myself in an awkward situation. My stepbrother (my stepmom’s son) is getting married to a wonderful woman and my husband and I couldn’t be more thrilled. The problem? She is turning into a bit of a bridezilla. She asked my stepmother to help throw her a shower, demanding that every person on the guest list be invited (100 people) and insisting that the party be over three hours long, along with other such details, all the while stating: “I don’t want to plan this.” Throw in the fact that my brother hasn’t shared their wedding budget (my parents offered to help cover costs) but are now afraid of the cost since they are on a fixed income and have no idea what bill they will be handed. My brother has also shared with my husband his fear of his fiancée’s overspending for this event.

How do I talk to my brother without stepping on too many toes? Although we are not blood-related, we are very close, and I am close with my stepmother. My dad is pretty clueless about this stuff, so what do I do?
-Treading Lightly in Friendship Heights?

Dear Treading,
Yikes, it does sound like you have a bridezilla situation on your hands – 100 guests at a shower? But it’s not exactly on your hands unless you decide to get involved.

I know you have the very best intentions. You want to protect your parents. You love the couple and are vicariously smarting at the upcoming wedding tab’s sticker shock. But your opinion has not been requested – that is, unless Stepmom and Dad have asked you to intervene. I don’t mean that they have hinted that you should intervene. I mean: have they specifically asked?

Sure, Brother told Husband that he’s worried about the spending, but you ought not take that as a direct request for assistance. If passive-aggressive cues are they way it’s done in your family, let’s work on making that practice end with you. Widespread familial harmony is not your responsibility. Stepmom and Dad offered to help with the budget, and they’re grownups who can ask for the bottom line if they really want to hear it. If they prefer to pretend like it’s not a big deal, that’s their own ostrich-like decision. Again, you are not responsible for their financial decisions (unless you are because of a legal agreement you haven’t mentioned).

I don’t imagine my suggestions will completely override your natural instinct to protect your family, and so I’ll assume that you still plan to confront Brother. If so, please take your own advice and tread lightly. It’s likely that a gentle reminder about your parents’ fixed income and general tendency to ignore problems until they get unmanageable could be all that’s really needed.

?Dear Stacy,
A good friend of mine has been dating a new guy since last summer. They get along quite well and have already moved in together. He’s really very nice, but I can’t help feeling that they are moving way too quickly. We’re all around 30 and more and more of us are pairing off lately. He’s currently ring shopping and she has already asked me to be a bridesmaid in a wedding she’s planning in her own head for next spring. Every time I think of this, I get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Her grandmother passed away last fall, and she took it very hard. I think that she is just rushing to do this now because he was so good to her during that tough time – but that’s not enough to base a relationship on. How do I prevent her from making a huge mistake?
-Not a Nervous Nelly

Dear Nelly,
I can tell from your message that you do mean well. You don’t want a good friend to make a big decision colored by a grief episode. Still, even from the bare bones you’ve supplied, it sounds like the couple has a good basis for making this decision. When you’re “around 30” you don’t date as long as some do in their early 20s before making a lifetime-type decision. If they are already living together while he is actively planning a proposal, that signals less of a fairy-tale fantasy, and more of a decision based in reality. Further, walking through a difficult period together (after she lost her grandmother) and coming out on the other end more deeply connected is a very common experience, not to mention a great indicator that they are compatible in good times and bad.

In other words, I’m not at all worried about this match. I am a little worried about you, however. I’m not going to feed into the stereotypes about Washington women backstabbing one another when it comes to long-term relationships – especially those “around 30” – and I also won’t suggest that you are motivated by jealousy, because you didn’t admit that in your letter. What you did admit is that you have a mental timeline before two people should make such a commitment. There are incredible stories of lifelong love built on flimsier foundations than facing family obligations over three seasons of dating. I wonder why the timeline is so important? It’s either the way you did it, and you are holding them to your own subjective standard, or it’s the way you expect to do it someday, and you are holding them to your own subjective daydreams. Unless you have first-hand knowledge of his illicit badness (e.g. you saw him kiss the stripper yourself) or she asks you directly for your help, it’s not your place to keep her from making this kind of decision.

Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing at the Imago Center of DC in Georgetown. Her website is www.therapygeorgetown.com. This column is meant for entertainment only, and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Please send your relationship questions to stacy@georgetowner.com.

Ari Post • February 23, 2011

Coming up the winding driveway, just across the railroad track and beyond a horse pasture, I was greeted by a small vineyard and a grand, three-story resort house. The sun was setting just over the Spanish tile roof and the Southwest Mountains lay stoically in the distance along an endless, green golf course. I walked into the front doors of Keswick Hall and was greeted by the hum of intimate conversations, the crackling of a wood fire and the clinking of glasses in a wide, open parlor. The parlor was warmly lit, elegant and modest, with a tin of warm cider sitting on heated bricks by the entrance. In front of the fire, couples were reading, talking, playing chess, enjoying drinks. It was just before dinnertime. This was the definition of a romantic retreat.

Sitting on 600 acres, this sprawling country estate in the lush foothills of Keswick, Virginia is perhaps one of the best-kept secrets on the East Coast. With the very best of comfort and accommodations, couples spa treatments, exceptional wines both local and international, and world-class cuisine, Keswick Hall brings together all the luxuries of the world’s finest resorts with the distinct character of the Virginia region. Thomas Jefferson called this area of country the “Eden of the United States,” and Keswick Hall holds true to this claim, offering the most sinfully delicious experiences you and your better half will have this side of the Atlantic.

The accommodations are worth the trip itself. The rooms are bright and thoughtfully furnished, the wide, soft beds entice even the well rested, and a pouch of aromatic bath salts sit by the tub. The windows open to pastoral vistas on all sides. A plate of gourmet cheeses and a bottle of house wine await new visitors with a personal note from the staff. These are perhaps small details, but the intricate cares taken by the resort add up. It is this very attention to detail, this individualizing of each guest that makes Keswick stand out. You are not just another guest at Keswick, but a valued member of the family for the duration of your stay.

“There’s a very comfortable beauty about Keswick,” says Patricia Castelli, Keswick Hall’s resident historian. “There’s an incredible sense of elegance, and it’s also so comfortable. It strikes the right balance, which is what makes people so astounded by it.” And Keswick has surely astounded plenty of guests— Condé Nast deemed them the number one small resort in the country in 2010.

Keswick feels so intimate because it’s a very real part of its surrounding community. “The estate has been here for 100 years,” says Castelli, “and its history ads weight to its authenticity. You’re discovering an area rather than just coming to a hotel—and it’s such an outstanding place to discover. A lot of people don’t know we exist, and after they visit they wonder why they didn’t know about us before.”

The grounds offer a wide range of activities, from exploring the vineyards to fishing, to even archery. But the highlight is the Arnold Palmer Signature 18-hole golf course, which compliments the landscape as if it is a natural part of the mountain range.

The course is an Autobon certified sanctuary, maintaining strict standards of resources and limiting pesticides. Keswick wants the course and the estate to be as agreeable to wildlife as possible, and they go well out of their way to make the range as environmentally friendly as it is beautiful.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen of Keswick’s Fossett’s Restaurant, Executive Chef Dean Maupin brings together the bounty of the local farmland with effusive vision and international inspiration to create frighteningly delicious cuisine. The food is delicate and elegant without being fussy. During the harvest months, most of the produce comes from the estate’s garden, run by the Chef himself.

The menu is seasonal and changes frequently, but during the winter months you can expect such offerings as smoked trout with avocado and apple, beet salad with citrus vinaigrette and olives, pear and pecorino ravioli, pappardelle with braised lamb shoulder and tapenade, duck breast with truffle risotto and Madeira jus, or parsnip quiche with sage, fontina and thick, fresh bacon. The food is, quite simply, as good as food gets. Each ingredient is played to its absolute perfection, each dish is perfectly balanced, and the kitchen keeps in touch with its environment, seasonally and locally.

While Keswick certainly offers the best of all general amenities—a fitness center, indoor and outdoor pools, billiards, a library, golf, tennis, horseback riding, personal and couples massage sessions, a world class wine cellar—this is all only the surface of Keswick’s allure.

Keswick Hall shines not because it allows you to escape from the surrounding area, but because it engrosses you in it, reminding you of the beauty and richness of the Virginia homeland. It invites guests to fall in love with its character, through the landscape, the food, the activities, and the memories you will surely create. There is a gentle, serene beauty about the Virginia countryside, one that is perfectly tailored for a couple looking for a quiet and intimate experience. Keswick Hall is a quiet pinnacle of romance and relaxation, and now is the perfect time of year to fall into its warm, generous arms.

For more information, visit Keswick.com [gallery ids="99595,105014,105021,105018" nav="thumbs"]

Georgetowner • February 9, 2011

Dear Stacy,

I have been married six years and have two kids: a daughter who is four and a son who will be three soon. On the whole, I am happy with the way my husband and I are co-parenting. He is really involved in the day-to-day around the house, even though we made the decision that I would stop working until the kids get to kindergarten. My issue is that he parents our kids very differently, and not just because of the age difference.

I see him being much more affectionate and careful with our daughter, and treating our son like he’s much older than he is. For example, he expects our 2-year-old son to use a fork without making a mess, but caters to our daughter’s every whim, never making her clean up her own toys or messes she makes, not even in an age-appropriate way. He is much gentler to our daughter but doesn’t seem to have much sympathy for our son when he has a boo-boo or needs comforting. I am playing armchair psychologist, but I think this has something to do with the way his parents treated him (very strict) and his two brothers growing up. Anytime I bring this up he takes it as criticism and refuses to talk about it, let alone change his behavior. I’m afraid we’re raising a bratty girl and a lonely boy, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

-Fearing a gender-biased household

Dear Fearing,

First, I want to commend you for paying attention to this dynamic. With the associated chaos of a young family-of-four, many of us might avoid such careful observation in favor of getting more sleep or just zoning out in front of the TV. That being said, the hyperparenting phenomenon that is overtaking our playgrounds and schools has its benefits and its costs. Your kids have two functioning role models in their lives and are not being abused – this really is a plus no matter how you look at it.

You are connecting Husband’s behavior to his family of origin, and as a mental health practitioner, I’m also curious about how his childhood experience impacts his parenting decisions. Still, without assigning blame to the In-Laws, there is a lot of confusion about the role of the father in the modern family, and about what it even means to be a man in this culture. Does Husband have male friends who are also fathers of young children? Are they able to talk about the challenges and struggles, the mixed messages, what it means to be a man today, and about how to raise young men?

Now, on to the more important issue: the communication between you and Husband. It sounds like he feels a little anxious when you bring up this topic. The sad truth is that no matter how gently you put it, messages from women about male behavior are often read as criticism. I’d recommend you read Love and Stosny’s “How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It.” I think it might help chart a course for better connection, which can lead you to getting what you both want and need. After that, perhaps Husband might be willing to join a men’s parenting or processing group (for no other reason than an evening outside of the house…) where he can talk about his goals and expectations, and receive feedback from someone who doesn’t share living space.

Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing at the Imago Center of DC in Georgetown. Her website is www.therapygeorgetown.com. This column is meant for entertainment only, and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Please send your relationship questions to stacy@georgetowner.com.