Murphy’s Love: Making the Kids Feel Safe

June 22, 2015

Dear Stacy,
*I am planning to leave my wife of 10 years. We have been in and out of therapy for the last three years, but we just don’t get along anymore and I have lost interest in making things better. I am very concerned about the impact on our son (age 7), who tends to be very tentative about new things and worries a lot. I want to do this with minimal impact on his life and need to know how to go about this. Please advise.
– Concerned Dad*

Dear Dad:
I am so sorry that things are so difficult in your marriage and I understand that you have lost interest in working it out — sometimes we get to that point and just let ourselves walk away. If you truly feel you have done everything you can do (and I mean you, not your wife —more on that later), then I agree that focusing on your son is what comes next.

I asked Chevy Chase psychotherapist Maribeth Hilliard Hager, LICSW, for her opinion about how to broach this subject. Her advice is that you be completely solid in your separation plan (e.g., location, plan for visitation, how school events will be handled, etc.) before you tell Son a single detail. “We can’t predict the magical things kids are going to come up with to make sense of this big life change, but we can control the plan and show that the adults are in charge of the situation,” she explains. “The parents’ role is to make the kids feel safe in this unsafe situation.”

Specifically, Hager says parents ought to outline how they will support one another and what can be done when problems arise. “This is just really the beginning of many more conversations, so both parents need to give the message that they are available for more in the future,” she says, adding that parents must be careful not to offer more information than the child asks for.
Always be respectful of the child’s relationship with the other parent, she emphasizes.

You and Son will have conversations about this for the rest of your life. That may not sound fun, but that’s reality. Never blame Wife or make negative comments in any of these conversations. If you are comfortable that you did all you could to save the marriage, there’s no need to be derogatory. Hager explains that we never know what parts of us our children identify with most. If you criticize Wife’s “indecision,” you may be criticizing a piece of Son you don’t even recognize.

*Stacy Notaras Murphy (www.stacymurphyLPC.com) is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacymurphyLPC@gmail.com.*

In Country Calendar


June 6
Twilight Polo at Great Meadow
Gates open at 6:30 p.m. for Twilight Polo, with the first match beginning at 7. Great Meadow hosts Twilight Polo every Saturday night through Sept. 19, except June 20 and July 4. 5089 Old Tavern Rd., The Plains, Virginia.

June 9
June Biz Buzz
At the June mixer of the Middleburg Business and Professional Association there will be a 10-minute Biz Buzz to bring attendees up to date. RSVP by emailing info@visitmiddleburgva.com. Nonmember admission is $5. Goodstone Inn, 36205 Snake Hill Rd., Middleburg, Virginia.

June 12
Sips and Snacks
Middleburg’s Home Farm Store invites visitors to a showcase of local artisan foods, at which they may taste and comment on wine, ciders or beer. There will be samples and recipe cards to take home. 1 East Washington St., Middleburg, Virginia.

June 13
Birding Banshee
On the second Saturday of each month, Loudoun Wildlife Conservancy and Friends of Banshee Reeks run a bird walk at the Banshee Reeks Nature Preserve, a birding hot spot. Participants are asked to bring binoculars if they have them. For details, contact Joe Coleman at 540-554-2542 or jcoleman@loudounwildlife.org. 17263 Southern Plantation La., Leesburg, Virginia.

June 14
Middleburg Summer Concert
Soprano Medea Namoradez-Ruhadze, a professor of voice at Shenandoah University, will be one of several featured performers at the second concert in the Middleburg Chamber Music Concert Series at Middleburg United Methodist Church. Refreshments will follow the concert. Admission is by free will offering. 15 W. Washington St. (across from the Safeway), Middleburg, Virginia.

Rustic Nuptials in the Virginia Countryside


As every bride knows, once the excitement following the bending of the knee wanes, the reality of actually planning a wedding sets in — and one of the first and foremost decisions is figuring out where to do it.

With swamp air settling over the District, a potentially much cooler option lies nearby — in the pastoral beauty of the mountains of Virginia. Fortunately, the Commonwealth offers a number of options, particularly rustic venues that frame the pastoral setting so well.

Besides mountain views, Virginia’s countryside offers lush vineyards and bucolic meadows, all of which offer a natural alternative to incense-choking, high-arched cathedrals for the rustic wedding of your dreams. We’ve picked four of the best, within just a couple hours or so from D.C.

Goodstone Inn

Middleburg, Virginia

Middleburg’s Goodstone Inn offers a perfect balance of plush luxury and country coziness — a delightful setting for your rustic nuptials. Located in the heart of Virginia wine and hunt country, the inn combines an unhurried and intimate atmosphere with breathtaking views of the countryside and the Blue Ridge Mountains. With its historic guest residences restored in English and French country décor, an ivy-covered façade, an elegant pool and a restaurant serving farm-to-table gourmet cuisine, you and your guests will enjoy the finest of Southern hospitality and gracious service in a luxury retreat atmosphere.

Castle Hill Cider

Keswick, Virginia

This historic, award-winning indoor/outdoor venue offers couples endless possibilities to create a wedding pulled right from their imagination — from the intimate to the incredible. The property’s 11,000-square-foot, classically built post-and-beam barn provides an expansive year-round party spot. Terraced lawns with exquisite 360-degree views of Virginia’s countryside and the Blue Ridge Mountains create an idyllic backdrop for wedding receptions and photography. Castle Hill Cider received the 2014 Borrowed & Blue Honorable Mention Award for Most Desirable Wedding Venue in the Charlottesville, Virginia, area.

Trump Winery

Charlottesville, Virginia

While Trump Winery is relatively new, having opened in 2011, it has quickly established itself as one of the most sought-after wedding venues in gorgeous Charlottesville. The barn at Trump Winery is Virginia rustic elegance at its finest: high ceilings, expansive windows and French doors opening to a terrace with sweeping views of the vineyard, lake and lush countryside — make it the perfect backdrop for an unforgettable rustic wedding in high style. It is Trump, after all. And now the largest vineyard in Virginia, the winery offers a fine selection of sparkling, red and white wines to toast the new bride and groom.

King Family Vineyards

Crozet, Virginia

Another award-winning option, King Family Vineyards is tucked into the base of the Blue Ridge Mountains and offers the rustic wedding planner the popular Carriage House: a warm, sophisticated room decked out with chandeliers, exposed beams, rough-cut oak floors and a large stone fireplace to keep the festivities going during the cooler months. The rural farm setting has panoramic mountain views that guarantee your wedding album will not disappoint. Nor will the wines, which helped the King Family win Borrowed and Blue’s 2014 Best Vineyard Wedding Venue for the Charlottesville area.

Five Strategies for Staying Fit on Vacation


Peak vacation season for Washingtonians is upon us. While these trips are essential, they can also jeopardize all the work of the past winter and spring. These five strategies can help you have a great vacation while maintaining your recent progress.

Strategy #1: The early bird gets the burn. Vacations are spontaneous, and opportunities for fun tend to pop up with little warning. The simplest way to have fun without sacrificing fitness is to make your workout the first thing you do each day. Get it out of the way and nothing else can get in the way.

Strategy #2. Pack a portable gym. You can fit an entire gym in your carry-on bag without going overweight, if you pack smart. Pack Valslides for upper body, core and leg workouts; a lacrosse ball to roll stress knots out of your hips and shoulders from too-long sitting; a resistance band for additional arm, leg and core exercises; and a jump rope for great conditioning work anywhere.

Strategy #3. Stick to a few simple rules. Keep a short list of simple, but realistic rules to keep your nutrition on track. A simple rule might be: one-or-none for alcohol (either have one drink or no drinks). A realistic rule could be limiting yourself to one small treat at dinner, or only having dessert every other day (a “treat” being defined as something you wouldn’t normally eat).

Strategy #4. Initiate something active. There are obvious activities, like walking or biking, but there are plenty of fun active things to do, too, like bodysurfing, going to a water park or playing beach volleyball. Whatever you do, if you really get into it you’ll get a much better workout — and have a blast.

Strategy #5. Remember your priorities. The main thing on vacation is spending quality time with friends and family — not seeing how much weight you can lose in a week, which isn’t going to be much anyway. As far as fitness goes, success is maintaining (or not losing much) ground. A week is plenty of time to do a lot of damage if you don’t practice a little bit of discipline.

A best-selling author and fitness expert with 16 years of experience, Josef Brandenburg owns The Body You Want club in Georgetown. Information about his 14-Day Personal Training Experience may be found at TheBodyYouWant.com.

The Great Urban Outdoors


The lack of power to take joy in outdoor nature is as real a misfortune as the lack of power to take joy in books,” said Theodore Roosevelt. Our 26th president — probably the most well-rounded in our nation’s history — was fond of leading long cross-country walks, which TR called “scrambles.” One of his favorites places to do so was Rock Creek Park, where he spent many Sundays with his family.

Celebrating its 125th anniversary this year, Rock Creek Park is a prime example of “the great urban outdoors,” which at first sounds like a jarring contradiction: cement meets gardens, high rises and traffic meet bucolic expanses, nightlife and noise meet the stillness of nature.

But here in Washington, and in other progressive-minded cities, the contradiction evaporates. According to a current trend in urban planning, city life at its best is not only livable but walkable. The pleasures of being outdoors, both active and contemplative, can still be had in the fast-paced, helter-skelter environment of a great American city.

All the qualities of city life, pluses and minuses, are tempered by nature and the natural. Parks let us forget about parking woes; the peaceful gurgling of creeks, rivers and fountains slow us in our hurries; the great cemeteries provide quiet contemplation of our history and ourselves.

Because of its historic nature, neighborhood life and extensive parkland, treescape and plantings, the District of Columbia is at the forefront of this green urban vision. It is a city where nature and urban energy meet without conflict, an engagement full of opportunities for everyone, from the most urbane to the least, residents and visitors alike.

More than ever, this is a city for the energetic. Runners are everywhere. Charity marathons and races have become part of the landscape. And, spurred by Capital Bikeshare, the newly emergent bicycle culture is spreading across the city.

For the second year in a row, Washington was recently named the fittest city in the country by the American College of Sports Medicine’s annual American Fitness Index report. (Teddy would be proud.) For residents of the District and the surrounding metropolitan areas, the title can be taken in stride, quite literally. Home to a plethora of parks and recreation centers, the nation’s capital is an outdoor enthusiast’s ideal dwelling place, bursting with opportunities for its inhabitants to walk, run, bike, hike, swim, boat, paddle and play.

Compiled below is a short list of D.C.’s outdoor gems. Some you may be familiar with; others you may wish to explore for the very first time. Either way, as the summer solstice (June 21) fast approaches, the timing couldn’t be better to get out and about.

Rock Creek Park

As mentioned above, Rock Creek Park is celebrating its quasquicentennial this year. With over 32 miles of trails, the possibilities are virtually endless in this storied city treasure, a favorite of Mayor Muriel Bowser. If you plan on hiking, strap on a pair of comfortable shoes, grab your water bottle and start with one of the two primary trails: the green-blazed Western Ridge Trail, which parallels the western side of the park, or the blue-blazed Valley Trail, which parallels Rock Creek and Beach Drive.

If biking is more your speed, a popular paved path begins just north of Peirce Mill and follows the creek all the way to the Lincoln Memorial. For the horseback rider, 13 miles of dirt-and-gravel bridle paths crisscross the park. Riding lessons and guided trail rides are available at the Rock Creek Park Horse Center.

Prefer tennis, golf or boating? The Rock Creek Tennis Center, located at 16th and Kennedy streets is open year-round and has more than two-dozen courts. The Thompson Boat Center rents kayaks, canoes, small sailboats, rowing shells and bicycles. Rock Creek Park Golf Course, an 18-hole public course with clubhouse, can be reached from 16th Street and Rittenhouse Street. Round out nine holes with an Arnold Palmer or two: picnicking — while perhaps not the most active way to enjoy the park — is a great way to spend a leisurely afternoon. Picnic grove reservations are required and visitors may choose between full- and half-day rentals. Finally, Rock Creek Park boasts the National Park Service’s only planetarium, located within the Nature Center. Free tickets are available at the Nature Center front desk up to one half-hour prior to showtimes.

Glover-Archbold Park

Familiar to many Georgetown residents, Glover-Archbold Park offers close to six miles of tranquil trails along the Potomac River and the C&O Canal, making it a popular loop for the archetypical DC fitness enthusiast: the runner. No matter your preferred gait, though, the narrow stream-valley park runs from Canal Street in Georgetown to Wisconsin Avenue in Friendship Heights, making it a great destination for joggers, hikers and birdwatchers. If you’re not entering on foot from Georgetown, there are several locations in the park that are easy walking distance from Metro bus stops. The Boathouse at Fletcher’s Cove is located along the course of the park’s trails on Canal Road, so it’s possible to make a pit-stop along your trek for some canoeing, kayaking, rowing or fishing on the Potomac. Your canine friends are welcome, but leave your bike at home; the park’s trails are marked as open to foot-traffic only.

Georgetown Waterfront Park

Perhaps the quintessential outdoor spot during the summer months, Georgetown Waterfront Park curves along 10 acres of the Potomac, offering expansive views of Key Bridge and the Kennedy Center, with the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial in the distance. Joggers, cyclists, skaters and walkers flock to this fitness mecca on sunny days.

Whether your aim is to grab a bite of seafood with a view at one of the waterfront restaurants, or people-watch from one of the park benches dotted along its borders, or partake in one of the free outdoor community fitness classes offered by the Georgetown Business Improvement District, the Park has something for everyone. Georgetown studios and stores leading free, twice-weekly classes this summer include CrossFit Key Bridge, Barre3 Georgetown, CorePower Yoga, Down Dog Yoga, Georgetown Yoga, Yoga Del Sol, Fitness Together Georgetown and Key Bridge Boathouse (see below). The tubular water fountain is a hotspot for children, letting revelers run through its rainbow-shaped waterspouts, and putting the old-school backyard sprinkler to shame.

Meridian Hill Park

An administrative unit of Rock Creek Park, Meridian Hill Park hosts 12 acres of statues, the only memorial to U.S. President James Buchanan in the city, the largest cascading fountain in North America, and on Sunday afternoons, its very own drum circle, attracting local participants exhibiting all levels of “drum-circle expertise.” Bordered by 16th, 15th, W and Euclid streets near the neighborhoods of Columbia Heights and Adams Morgan, the park’s beautiful landscape is modeled on an aristocratic Italian garden. In 1994, it was designated a National Historic Landmark, as “an outstanding accomplishment of early 20th century Neoclassicist park design in the United States.” Wayside exhibits interpret its unique story and history. A mobile phone tour is also available, downloadable via the National Park Service website.

Key Bridge Boathouse

While not technically a park, this friendly neighborhood facility at the end of Water Street on the banks of the Potomac could not be omitted. Boasting “all paddling, no politics,” the Key Bridge Boathouse offers canoeing, kayaking, stand-up paddleboarding and yoga, both on the paddleboards — yes, yoga on a paddleboard — and on the dock. Take to the river in your watercraft of choice and paddle toward the Kennedy Center, Theodore Roosevelt Island — named for the Scrambler-in-Chief — or Fletcher’s Cove. Classes are offered for all activities. (Please note: having taken a plunge in the Potomac herself, this writer recommends an introductory class for those activities you haven’t tried before.) Luckily, life vests are a requirement, so you can enjoy your activity of choice safely and worry-free. Insider tip: for early risers, the Key Bridge Boathouse offers free community paddle sessions on Fridays at 7 a.m. [gallery ids="102106,133847,133853,133850,133856" nav="thumbs"]

Middleburg’s Magnetism

May 22, 2015

Just 50 miles west of Washington, D.C., sits the historic town of Middleburg, Virginia, celebrated for its horse and hunt country. Driving west, the roads become slimmer as they thread through lush countryside; overhead, the treetops converge into a trellised canopy. Near and far, jagged rock walls and white fences section off sprawling estates.

Virginia’s communal culture prides itself on the state’s land, history and sporting traditions, all of which pervade Middleburg. Visitors and locals alike can enjoy the outdoors by hiking, biking and bird-watching, going to horse races and polo matches, trying local wines and shopping for antiques.”

In an age in which e-commerce and department store giants dominate, Middleburg’s quaint boutiques offer a welcome respite.
At [Foxfire Gallery and Antiques](http://www.foxfireantiques.com/), owner Kathy Alexander sits in a space that is itself a jewel box of precious European antiquities and objets d’art. In the center of the store, open for two years as of this month, a large skylight bathes the treasures below in natural light. Originally from New Orleans, Alexander seeks out these items in France and England: angel statues, heavy tapestries, trumeau mirrors and delicate tiaras, nesting amid old books on a shelf of carved wood.

The shop’s loveliness springs from its contrasts of color and texture: rosemary candles, green topiaries and boxwood wreaths, etched hurricanes and crystal chandeliers. It is a study in chalky whites and dusty blues. In the back, a large wooden armoire filled with Fortuny pillows stands adjacent to a beautiful 1920s French birdcage with white doves cooing inside.

The immensely popular women’s clothing and accessories shop [Lou Lou](http://loulouboutiques.com/) first opened its doors in Middleburg in the summer of 2004. Another town favorite is Crème de la Crème, a classic home-goods store that exudes comfort in the familiarity of its objects, from pretty mirrors and candles to colorful glassware and paperweights.

Crème de la Crème’s small paperie invites rummagers to peruse the walls of cheeky cards, journals, photo albums and coffee table books. Most popular? The store’s array of French linens and Italian pottery.

[J. McLaughlin](http://www.jmclaughlin.com/) is the newest shop to open for business on Middleburg’s charming streets.

For lodging, the [Red Fox Inn](http://www.redfox.com/) in the heart of town is not to be missed. For a more rural, yet luxurious experience, venture a few miles to the [Goodstone Inn](http://goodstone.com/), a country retreat set on 265 acres.

Goodstone’s owner, Mark Betts, a lawyer turned hotelier, bought the estate for his family in 1996. To maintain it, he began renting the property’s existing structures until he was eventually approached about starting a B&B. The inn formally opened in 1999, and their award-winning gourmet restaurant followed in 2005. Restaurant manager Mimi Schneider proudly says that much of the food – from eggs to vegetables and herbs – are culled daily on the property, keeping true to the farm-to-table concept.

“You’ve got to try the omelets here,” said Mark, touting Goodstone’s Sunday brunch. The team has also grown their wine program considerably over the years, with nearly 500 labels now available. Wine dinners are offered every other month. On June 23, the restaurant will host a dinner celebrating the wines of Bourgogne.

The team behind Goodstone Inn just opened a sister property in Costa Rica, an eco-lodge called Playa Cativo.

A short drive from Goodstone is the new Salamander Resort and Spa, a 340-acre equestrian estate in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains. The interiors are elegant and airy, yet there is a certain whimsicality, evidenced in the life-size chess set that stands on the back lawn. The resort – open since August 2013 – has 168 rooms, a world-class 23,000-square-foot spa, a private dining facility in a 150-year-old stallion barn, the Gold Cup Wine Bar, a full service equestrian center with instructional classes available and an attractive Virginia-themed restaurant called Harrimans.

With a new general manager, Reggie Cooper, [Salamander](http://www.salamanderresort.com/) is prepared for a full summer season. To start it off, every Friday from May 22 to Aug. 21, the resort’s Culinary Garden will host a Farm-To-Wine Summer Music Series with live music and food and wine from local growers.

**Upcoming Events:**

• 56th Annual Hunt Country Stable Tour, May 23-24

• Zip Line Under the Stars with Empower Adventures, May 22-24 and June 5-6

• 162nd Upperville Colt and Horse Show, June 1-7

• Greenhill Wine and Vineyards Concert on the Lawn Series, Fridays from May 8 to Sept. 25

• Great Meadow Polo Club’s Twilight Polo, Saturdays from May 9 to Sept. 19
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Tysons Corner Is Booming

May 21, 2015

“Welcome to Tysons. America’s Next Great City.” So reads the sign as you enter the Fairfax County, Virginia, revitalized commercial and business center on the border of McLean and Vienna.

The Plaza

Metrorail’s new Silver Line runs directly to the hub of activity. An overpass allows visitors to cross to The Plaza, with entrances to the Hyatt Regency, which opened in April, and the Tysons Corner Center mall. The Plaza itself is an entertainment venue, with a playground, Giant Jenga, a large chessboard and cornhole. It also hosts live music and a farmers’ market.

The Stores

Tysons is home to a wide variety of stores, including Lord and Taylor, Macy’s, Bloomingdale’s, Nordstorm, L.L. Bean, Old Navy, the Gap, Victoria’s Secret and Everything But Water. Some highlights for children include American Girl and the Disney and Lego stores. Dining options are scattered throughout the mall: Haagen-Dazs Café, Coastal Flats, Shake Shack, Luciano, Chipotle, Brio Tuscan Grille and more. Visitors can top off the experience by catching a movie on the third level of the complex at the AMC Theatres’ Tysons Corner 16 near the food court.

The Hyatt

“We were built as an amenity to the mall, but it goes well beyond that with all the businesses coming into the area,” says Dan Amato, general manager of the Hyatt Regency, who has worked for Hyatt for 39 years. This is his 15th hotel and his fifth opening.
Many elements of the hotel’s design are inspired by fashion and the close proximity to the mall. The glittering light fixtures in the lobby, leading from the check-in desk to the elevators, are modeled after women’s tennis bracelets. A series of hanging lights by the ballroom incorporate pearl-like orbs to mimic earrings.

Amato takes prides in the unique characteristics of this hotel. “There’s not one like it in our portfolio,” he says. The hotel features a large ballroom perfect for conferences, as well as several other meeting rooms.

The corporate lounge area is cozy with books and knickknacks surrounding comfy chairs and coffee tables. Coffee and drinks are available all day long; breakfast foods are served in the morning and hors d’oeuvres in the evening.

Bushel and Barrel, the restaurant inside the Hyatt, was created specifically for the Tysons location. The menu offers classic American favorites with a twist, as well as 22 craft beers from local breweries. “There’s a lot of character in every dish,” Amato says.

The interior is modern and clean with just a touch of rustic charm. High glass ceilings and transparent walls create an open and relaxed environment. Beer kegs are on display. The wood tables have stools that swing out on a hinge for seating, but otherwise remain invisibly tucked underneath. Terrace dining, which looks out on The Plaza, is also available and a private dining room can be booked for events.

Vita

Vita, a new luxury apartment building, is opening at Tyson’s Corner Center. The 30-story building is filled with studios, one-bedroom, two-bedroom and penthouse apartments. There is a rooftop pool with cabanas, a sky lounge with an indoor/outdoor cantina and an all-season outdoor terrace with grills. The official opening will take place by the fall, but leasing has begun.

High-Intensity Fitness – A Good Idea Taken Too Far


The shift toward more intense exercise began as a great idea for most people. It led people to realize that walking on a treadmill while watching TV won’t help with weight loss, strength, bone density or even cardiovascular fitness.

Strength training and interval training deliver far superior results, and massively improve your quality of life, but only if done responsibly. Unfortunately, the most popular forms of intense exercise have taken a great idea too far, turning it into something that can be dangerous.

To help you get the great results without the risk, here are five dos and don’ts for intense exercise:

Don’t make exercise a competition. Exercise is something you do to enhance your life and your sports, but it’s not the end goal. Vying to see who can do the most exercise leads to sloppy form and extreme exhaustion, which then lead to injuries and health problems.

Do challenge yourself. Your body will only change – become more toned, expend more energy (lose weight), add muscle, add bone density – if it’s progressively overloaded. If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.

Don’t train to failure. Pushing until you can’t move is taking the above idea too far. End your set of exercises knowing that you could have done one or two more repetitions. This is challenge that you can recover from. You only get better in between workouts (while recovering).

Do remember the three Ps. At my studio, we have three Ps: no pain, puking or passing out. Exercise should challenge you, but never hurt, make you nauseous or make you feel dizzy or faint.

Don’t do plyometrics for cardio. A recent trend in DVDs and fitness classes is to take very stressful jumping exercises and do them as a 30-to-60-minute class. To put this in perspective, Olympic athletes limit their plyometric work to fewer than 100 reps per week (or 20 minutes including rest), because exceeding these limits puts you at high risk for stress fractures and tendon ruptures.

*A best-selling author and fitness expert with 16 years of experience, Josef Brandenburg owns The Body You Want club in Georgetown. Information about his 14-Day Personal Training Experience may be found at TheBodyYouWant.com.*

Murphy’s Love: Socializing – His and Hers


Dear Stacy,

I have been married a little over two years, and have lived in D.C. since college. My husband is new to the area and doesn’t have many friends. He’s an introvert, but a great guy and an avid sports fan. He just doesn’t have anyone to go to games with unless someone is visiting us. I, on the other hand, like being social and have a lot of friends. We aren’t starting a family for a few more years, and I want to take advantage of the time because I know making new friends stops when you have kids. My husband and I keep arguing about how much I want to go out. I wish he would have his own things to do, but he just winds up staying home by himself and being passive-aggressive when I get back. What can I do to make this better?

– To party or not to party?

Dear Party:

We can talk about your views on making friends through parenthood another day, but, trust me, it happens. Today your concern is that Husband needs some friends. I know you think that making new connections would be the solution, but that’s not what I read in your situation. I am more concerned about how he takes this out on you.

Staying at home by yourself is a fine choice for a true introvert. If he gets energy that way and actually enjoys himself, huzzah. But it sounds like he is not having a good time, and instead reacts to you (just “being you”) with hostility, veiled and not-so-veiled. Readers of this column know that’s a massive red flag. If he resents you and doesn’t name that so you two can work it out (e.g., have a standing date night, ritualize how you reconnect after an evening apart, set a goal to go out with like-minded couples at least once a month, etc.), then his unresolved feelings are creating a problem in your partnership. That could have a long shelf-life, and I don’t wish that on either of you. Time for an honest conversation.

*Stacy Notaras Murphy (www.stacymurphyLPC.com) is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacymurphyLPC@gmail.com*

The Tower Club, Reinvented


To experience the Tower Club Tysons Corner, go to the Towers Crescent building and take the elevator to the 14th floor. Then – if you’re a Tower Club member, a ClubCorp member, a member of D.C.’s City Club or attending a private event – take a second elevator to the 17th floor.

General Manager Kara Carmichael discovered only recently that the Towers Crescent architects added that separate trip to the top by design – as a symbolic ascent to the building’s exclusive upper floors.

That “you have arrived” feeling was recently taken up a notch with the completion of the Tower Club’s $2.2 million renovation. But don’t call it a renovation around Carmichael. To her, it was a “reinvention.”

The grand reopening of the 25-year-old club was Jan. 8, with work continuing. The Reinvention Celebration took place April 16.
Gone are the staid hues of an earlier time. The former color scheme of dark woods and fabrics has been swapped out for a palette of light, contemporary colors. New furniture – and upgraded Wi-Fi – is suited to the modern business environment.

The new facilities include a Work Zone; the Touchdown Rooms, for four-to-five-person meetings; and the Crescent Lounge, a new “anytime bar.” The Lobby Lounge has been refreshed and the outdoor terrace dining area – with 360-degree views – expanded.
The name of the club’s new upscale restaurant, Reserve, is a play both on restaurant reservations and the term for a specially aged vintage. The wine selection is extensive and impressive.

Judging from social media, the reinvention has been a hit: “awesome” (the renovation), “stellar” (the menu), “top notch” (the experience). “The only downside was that I’m more accustomed to this in Los Angeles than Northern Virginia…made me homesick,” wrote one reviewer.

Of course, one of the goals was to add members, especially younger and female. The club has more than 1,200 members and, gratifyingly, those who have joined in the past year include a higher percentage of millennials and women than the overall membership.
Another attraction for younger business people and entrepreneurs is the ramped up calendar of events. Coming up, among others: a Bourbon & Bacon Dinner on May 27; Network After Work, hosted by the Young Executive Society on June 3; and a Harvest Cooking Class with Executive Chef Marc Wilson on June 15.

Carmichael, who came to the Tower Club in May 2014 from nearby Chef Geoff’s, pointed out the appeal in today’s business world of giving back. The club is raising money to buy 500 backpacks from Stillbrave, the club’s charity of the year for 2015, for Fairfax County kids with a cancer diagnosis.

Two private events directors are on staff to build that side of the business, including wedding receptions. The Tower Club received five stars in the Weddingwire 2015 Couples’ Choice Awards.

As noted above, the Tower Club has reciprocity with D.C.’s City Club, and members have access to clubs nationwide through its affiliation with Dallas-based ClubCorp, the owner-operator of more than 200 private golf, country, business and alumni clubs, which recently acquired Sequoia Golf.

All in all, the 26 members of the Tower Club’s Advisory Board of Governors should congratulate themselves on a job well done. Transported to the reinvented club, Don Draper of “Mad Men” would probably approve of everything but the business casual dress code.
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