Living

Ari Post • November 6, 2012

When people talk about a luxurious New England summer getaway, there seem to be two categories: Martha’s Vineyard and Nantucket and everything else. The secluded Massachusetts islands — nestled just south of Cape Cod in the Atlantic — have long been known as intimate havens. You don’t just visit these islands, you become members of their tight-knit communities for the length of your stay. They are attractions without gimmicks, crowds or frills: there are no big malls, no towering music venues, no amusement parks or other kitschy tourist traps. They are simply the most comfortable, well-maintained and genuine areas to rusticate and soak in the deliriously pleasant calm of summer. Nothing much changes, as proponents like to say, but people keep coming back.

This isn’t to say you will have trouble finding something to do on either island. Throughout the summer, both have their share of wine, food and art festivals, boutique shopping, history and culture. But they are also home to some of the region’s most beautiful bike rides, sailing opportunities and sprawling, uncrowded shorelines. This is where you take your family to experience life together, to cook at home or eat at a small world-class restaurant, sip wine as the sun goes down on the west end of the island, and wake up early to see it rise on the east end. And it’s easy to get across the islands: Martha’s Vineyard is about 20 miles long from tip to tip (and 87 square miles in its entirety), and Nantucket is only 14 (less than 50 square miles). Here’s a taste of what each has to offer.

Martha’s Vineyard

Martha’s Vineyard is comprised of a few rural towns: Aquinnah, Chilmark, West Tisbury, and the more populous towns of Edgartown, Oak Bluffs and Vineyard Haven. Whether you’re looking for the natural beauties of pristine beaches, clay cliffs and bird watching, historical and cultural attractions, exquisite dining, an array of outdoor activities or the many artists, handcrafts and boutiques, “The Vineyard” has it all.

Festivals and Markets

If shopping for rare finds are your druthers, a great place to start is the Chilmark Flea Market, hosted by the Chilmark Community Church every summer from late June through early September. The oldest outdoor venue on the island, the market has evolved into a quirky shopper’s heaven. Quality hand-made items from antique sellers, artists, glassblowers, and jewelers mingle among imports, fine china and more—and many of the craftsmen are waiting on their folding chairs and in the backs of their trucks to speak with you. In what will be this market’s 45th year, the Flea, as it’s called among locals and returning visitors, holds within its lively stalls everything from vintage clothing and wire statues to mounted animal heads and stained glass windows.

At the Summer Vineyard Artisans Festival, the Historic Grange Hall in West Tisbury opens for a weekly juried art show and fair. You can meet with more than 70 artisans, from weavers, potters and quilters, to jewelers, painters and furniture makers, many of whom hold demonstrations.

The Featherstone Center for the Arts hosts a Flea and Arts Market throughout the summer, offering great selections for those on the island’s south side, along with classes, summer camps for children and events. This summer, camps range from painting and photography to silkscreen and printmaking. Special events include garden tea parties, the Featherstone’s annual gala, the third annual Potter’s Bowl and the Art of Chocolate Festival.

While on the topic of festivals, the OB Harbor Festival at Oaks Bluff on June 16 brings together over local and national 40 vendors for one of the island’s most popular events. Local artists, craftsmen and antique dealers, as well as non-profit organizations offering a tempting array of baked goods, raffles and information about their causes, will be on hand. Live music on the deck at Nancy’s featuring Martha’s Vineyard’s favorite bands, and the Midsummer Faerie Festival will entertain all ages with mystical storytelling and Celtic musicians. As always, an abundance of native seafood and gourmet treats await the festive gathering at this year’s Harbor Festival.

Boating and Beaching

Perhaps you’re more of the seagoing sort. Well, you’re still in luck. Martha’s Vineyard has some of the most intimate and beautiful oceanic activities around. Moonrise Kayak, for instance, shows you Martha’s Vineyard in a whole new light: moonlight. In celebration of the full moons of summer, Moonrise Kayak takes you nighttime tours of the coast. With a guide, you will kayak out as the sun sets and the moon rises, absorbing the wonder and romance of the region.

Kayak Quest lets you enjoy the Vineyard’s Sengekontacket Pond at your own pace on a self-guided tour, taking you on a journey with a series of clues to help you uncover the story of the pond’s people, places and wildlife. Your quest ends after you find the hidden quest box. Good luck!

Boat charters are also a popular island activity. Take a joyride for the afternoon or set sail to explore the New England coast—either way, there is an endless selection of friendly and experienced guides ready to take you out on the waters.

Nantucket

More than just a sister island to Martha’s Vineyard, Nantucket is a premier destination in its own right. “The Gray Lady,” one of the island’s nicknames, was once wealthy with the profits from the whaling industry; it is rich again with luxury real estate and outsiders from New York, D.C. and elsewhere. There are more intimate leisure activities than you could think about doing—golfing, tennis, kayaking, bird watching, fishing, historic architecture, museums, art galleries and events—and enough space to get away with doing nothing at all, if that suits you best. First of all, it holds within its small borders a web of gorgeous—and flat—biking paths. As the island is only 14 miles long by 3.5 miles wide, a cyclist can bike around the entire island in a day, while stopping along the way to enjoy the scenery, culture and cuisine.

D.C.’s connection to the two islands is legendary, whether you are mentioning the Laythams, the Rubensteins or many others. During the summer, one just might bump into someone from the D.C. neighborhood. On Nantucket’s east side, Siasconset, the Summer Home with its cottages, houses and Beachside Bistro boasts the best oceanfront weddings. One of its other restaurants is by chef Todd English, Figs at 29 Fair, near Main Street. Locally, we have the likes of Smith Point, Jettie’s and Surfside restaurants from Bo Blair, who named them after spots in Nantucket.

Fishing

Nantucket is a small-time fisherman’s mecca. Its coast is home to the entire array of famous New England seafood delicacies—all of which are also available cooked and ready to eat at any of the first-class restaurants on the island. From striped bass and blue fish, to mussels, scallops, oysters and blue claw crabs, you could catch enough to make an enviable clam chowder, bouillabaisse, or just host an old fashioned clambake for your new neighbors. Just make sure to check with the Nantucket’s Marine and Coastal Resources Department for information on potential fishing restrictions.

Not Your Average Library

While a public library might not seem like the most exciting place to visit on your summer vacation, the Nantucket Atheneum is not your average library. This unique library plays a vital role in the community, providing a wide variety of cultural and educational services and events, as well as a fine picking of books, videos and audiobooks.

Among many events this summer, the Atheneum will be hosting a dance festival (July 24 – 28), featuring stars from the dance world brought together by artistic director Benjamin Millepied, a noted choreographer and former New York City Ballet principal dancer. The festival includes many free outreach events for adults and children and culminates with two evening performances on July 27 and July 28, which feature a dance program of classical and contemporary ballet.
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Marit Fosso •

In the green spirit of the spring, let’s look at how business schools are working towards a greener environment. Can the future business men and women learn not only how to go out there and make millions of dollars, but also how to be environmentally responsible? The George Washington School of Business is one of the business schools that integrates corporate social responsibility into their business programs. GWU offers the so-called ”green” MBA in Environmental Policy and Management which focuses on the science, technology and social impact of global business, grooming the students to go work for the government, NGO’s and non-profits. Other universities in the Washington metro area who offer ”green” MBAs are the University of Maryland and the Georgetown University’s McDonough School of Business, who offer MBA programs concerning social and environmental awareness in business.

One of the former GWU students who graduated in 2009 is Mark Frieden. He decided to do the MBA in Environmental Policy and Management after reading about triple bottom line management, also known as the three pillars; people, planet and profit on the website beyondgreypinstripes.org.

”The main focus in the education was to learn how to make sure that companies have environmental responsibility. Take oil companies that drill for oil in the sea. There’s nothing wrong with drilling for oil, but they have to make sure that they do it in an environmental responsible way so that we can avoid disasters like the BP oil spill in 2010,” says Frieden, who’s currently on the board of DC Greenworks. DC Greenworks is a non-profit organization that among other things work with green roofs, rain barrels and rain gardens, urban agriculture and green job training.

It is not just business schools working to integrate corporate responsibility into the minds of business men and women. Net Impact is a non-profit membership organization for professionals and students who wish to use their business skills to support environmental and social causes. The organization was started in 1993 as Students for Responsible Business, and was renamed in 1998 to include both students and professional MBA graduates.

”Net Impact has been important for how business schools started to integrate environmental responsibility in their programs”, says Mark Frieden.

Net Impact is based in San Franscisco and has 280 volunteer-led chapters in business schools across the U.S. and countries on the other continents. Both George Washington University’s School of Business, Georgetown University’s McDonough School of Business and the University of Maryland have Net Impact chapters. The member students seek to build a network of business leaders commited to making a positive environmental, social and economic impact.

Georgetowner •

April is National Autism Awareness Month, a chance to celebrate these afflicted but remarkable members of our community and better educate the public on the nature of autism. And The Color of Autism Foundation, an organization devoted to raising awareness about African Americans living with autism, will mark the occasion on April 2, kicking off fundraising events and donation drives.

Autism, or autism spectrum disorders (ASDs) are a group of neurological and developmental disabilities that can cause significant social, communicational and behavioral challenges among those who have it. A surprising statistic by the Center for Disease Control even points out that about one in 88 children are living with it in America today. The disease is most prevalent among among African American and Hispanic males, who have a rate of one in 54.

Founded in 2009, The Color of Autism, a nonprofit organization, works to educate and assist African American families with Autistic children, who are frequently confronted with late diagnoses or misdiagnoses due to insufficient health care plans. The foundation’s goal is to help families identify the warning signs of autism early on, explains founder Camille Proctor. “We can start to overturn these disparities by helping African Americans with autism reach their full potential and empowering families with information on autism that they can use to advocate services for their child.”

“We are committed to raising public awareness about ASD,” she continues, “empowering families and lessening their isolation. We are dedicated to ensuring that all people with autism receive appropriate and effective services to maximize their growth potential.”

The foundation is currently working on a documentary film, offering a new perspective on the Autism epidemic. “Screaming in Silence: Autism” is a documentary about the affects of Autism on African American families, which has a resonating impact on the school systems, health and human services, judicial system, medical, mental health, therapeutic industry and caregivers in African American communities.

This film follows the daily lives of several families across the United States who have children, both young and old, who suffer from autism. What the film hopes to make clear is, though autistic individuals are as unique and land full of life as anyone, their caregivers and loved ones share one ubiquitous goal: to fight to ensure their children have the best quality of life.

For more information on how to take action or donate to this organization during the month of April, please contact info@TheColorOfAutism.org or visit www.TheColorOfAutism.org. Click here to see trailer for “Screaming in Silence: Autism.”

Ari Post •

The city is known on the whole as a New England summer resort. It integrates the most desirable qualities of any leisure travel destination, with enough options and activities to accommodate any budget. While only a half-day’s drive or aerial puddle jump away from the Washington area, Newport, Rhode Island has a spirit all its own. Founded in 1638, it is enveloped in a rich and much-beloved history—and as our Georgetown House Tour approaches, it might be worth noting that Newport also has one of the highest concentrations of colonial homes in the nation. Further similar to Georgetown, Newport is very much a contemporary urban haven, proud of its history but residing in the cultural here-and-now.

Not too crowded, not too hot, and as friendly as a summer evening is long, Newport, Rhode Island is just the ticket for a Washingtonian weekend getaway or an enriching weeklong stay. On top of the usual, year-round attractions the city has to offer, there is an array of summer events and activities on the horizon, far enough away to plan ahead but close enough to start getting excited.

Newport Mainstays

Sailing and Boating

There are myriad choices when it comes to enjoying the famed waters off Newport. From canoes and kayak rentals, to charters, excursions, harbor tours, and even sailing school for the adventurous at heart, you can enjoy the rippling tide of Narragansett Bay in nearly any capacity.

Kayaking and canoeing offers visitors the opportunity to pursue the waters, coastlines and hidden waterways of Newport intimately and at their own pace. Explore the islands and wildlife of Bluebell Cove, watch ospreys dive for fish along the Westport River, take in the waterfront homes of historic Bristol, or see the yachts of Newport Harbor.

If you want to rent a boat or charter, the horizons open even further. Dozens of destinations are easy cruises in the Bay’s protected waters—only a couple of gallons of fuel if you’re motoring, and gentle breezes if you’re hoisting the main and fore. Want to be where all the urban action is? Stay in Newport Harbor. Itching for a day of fun boutiques? Sail west over to Wickford Village. Need some peace and quiet? Drop anchor for a day or two off Jamestown. Want to visit the America’s Cup Hall of Fame? Tie a bowline to the docks in Bristol Harbor.

International Tennis Hall of Fame

If you revere the racket, this is the place for you. The Tennis Hall of Fame, at the Newport Casino, was founded in 1954 by tennis innovator James Van Alen (among other major contributions to the game, Alen invented the standard tiebreaker system used in regulation tennis matches today). It was host the first U.S. National Championships in 1881. In 1997, the complex and museum were restored to their original splendor with the completion of a five-year, $7.5 million renovation and endowment project.

The Museum’s galleries chronicle the rich history of tennis through interactive exhibits and videos, as well as showcasing popular memorabilia from historic champions and the superstars of today. Dramatically set in the original clubrooms of the Casino, the style, class and good nature of this gentleman’s sport comes vibrantly to life at the museum.

Rosecliff Mansion: the “Great Gatsby” House

There are endless mansion and historic home tours to take on in your visit to Newport. A standout among them, however, is Rosecliff Mansion. Commissioned by Nevada silver heiress Theresa Fair Oelrichs in 1899, architect Stanford White modeled Rosecliff after the Grand Trianon, the garden retreat at Versailles. After the house was completed in 1902, at a reported cost of $2.5 million, Mrs. Oelrichs hosted extravagant parties in its grand and cavernous hall, including a fairy tale dinner and a party featuring famed magician Harry Houdini.

Rosecliff is now preserved through the generosity of its last private owners, who gave the house, its furnishings, and an endowment in 1971 to the Preservation Society of Newport County, who maintains many of the areas tour-friendly historic mansion properties. The house has something of a Hollywood resume, having played the lavish home to Robert Redford’s Jay Gatsby in the 1974 film, as well as “True Lies,” Steven Spielberg’s “Amistad” and most recently “27 Dresses” starring Katherine Heigl.

The mansion is also a host to the annual Newport Mansions Food & Wine Festival, where guests can eat and drink like true 1920s flappers. For more information on that, keep reading!

Upcoming Festivals and Events

The Great Chowder Cook-Off
June 2

On Saturday, June 2, 2012, the Great Chowder Cook-Off kicks off summer in New England. Be a part of the original, largest, and longest running chowder championship in America, and try a wide spread from national to regional competitors. Festival-goers will taste-test a myriad of traditional and exotic chowders from kitchens across the country, then vote for the best in three categories: clam, seafood and creative. For more information visit NewportWaterfrontEvents.com.

Newport Antiques Show
July 27 – 29

Celebrating its sixth year, the Newport Antiques Show has become a seminal event for antique lovers across the country. Over forty of the industry’s finest dealers will showcase the best antiques the world has to offer to over 2,500 visitors at the Stephen P. Cabot and Archer Harman Ice Center at St. George’s School in Middletown. The show’s 2012 Loan Exhibit will highlight fine and decorative arts from the New Bedford Whaling Museum. The exhibit will include New Bedford art such as scrimshaw and Pairpoint Glass along with work from artists such as William Bradford. For more information visit NewportAntiquesShow.com

Newport Jazz Festival
Aug. 3 – 5

Founded in 1954, the Newport Jazz Festival was the first annual jazz festival in America. It has been host to numerous legendary performances and historic moments since its inception, including performances by Louis Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald, Thelonious Monk, John Coltrane Miles Davis, and a career-reviving performance by Duke Ellington in 1958. Referred to as the grandfather of all jazz festivals, the event draws thousands of people from all over the world. Highlight performances this year include Bill Frisell playing the John Lennon songbook, vocalist Diane Reeves, and legendary drummer Jack DeJohnette’s 70th birthday performance. For more information visit NewportJazzFest.net

Newport International Boat Show
Sept. 13 – 16

The 42nd Annual Newport International Boat Show will feature new sailboats and powerboats, and thousands of products and services from exhibitors worldwide, showcasing the latest innovations and trends in seafaring technology. Boating has never been more exciting; whether it’s an evening harbor cruise, a fun-filled day of fishing or an extended cruise on a yacht with all the luxuries you can imagine. Come discover the many new products, programs and opportunities on the oceanic horizon. For more information visit NewportBoatShow.com

Newport Mansions Food & Wine Festival
Sept. 21 – 23

This festival, devoted to the joys of gastronomy, has quickly become one of the most anticipated food and wine events in the country. Rosecliff mansion and Marble House will host more than 100 of the world’s finest vintners and more than two dozen of New England’s finest restaurants and caterers for a three-day epicurean adventure. This year, world-renowned French chef Jacques Pépin, along with his daughter, Claudine—who has partnered with him on three of his James Beard Award-winning public television programs—will host a cooking demonstration and book signing. Form more information visit www.NewportMansions.org

Marit Fosso •

As the season changes into beautiful spring, it’s time to start thinking about where you want to send your kids when school closes for the summer and you still have long days at the office ahead of you. The Washington area offers a wide selection of camps that can give your child a memorable summer adventure. Whether they’re into sports, camping, music, technology, art or academic learning, there are options to suit almost any interest. Camps are filling up quickly, so make sure to check out what Washington has to offer before your kid’s dream camp is full!

TIC Summer Camp
ticcamp.com 571-765-0329
Where: Georgetown Day School, 4200 Davenport Street, Washington, D.C. 20016
When: June 18- August 10
How much: $820 per two-week session, $50 off for each session after the first one.
TIC is a technology/sports day camp for kids between 7 and 16 years old, celebrating 30 years in 2012. It has a 4:1 learning ratio, where kids learn through fun techonology and athletic activities. Technology activities include programming, digital art, animation, film making and web design. Sports activities include basketball, gymnastics, street hockey, dance and capture the flag. ”TIC is unique because we offer the perfect body/mind balance. The most popular activity at TIC is programming, kids as young as 7 and as old as 16 create video games based on their favorite things,” says Executive Director, Emily Riedel. Program runs from 8.30 a.m – 3 p.m., extended day is offered until 6 p.m.

Beauvoir Summer Camps
summer.beauvoirschool.org 202-537-6485
Where: The campus at the Washington National Cathedral, 3500 Woodley Road NW, Washinton, D.C. 20016
When: June 18- August 3
How much: $250-$425 per week
Beauvoir offers a range of different programs for children, 3 to 11, and a Counselor in Training program for tweens and teens between 12 and 16 years old. The programs are also offered as a combination of academic learning and general fun and adventurous summer camp experiences, such as art, swimming, cooking, science and outdoor activities. ”The component that both parents and children seem to be most excited about is the swimming. We have our own pool on the premises, and all the camps except the primarily academic ones offer swimming with instructors. We also offer swimming lessons before and after the camps, for children to become more safe in the pool,” says Camp Director, Hugh Squire. Beauvoir camp days usually run from 8.30 a.m. – 3 p.m. Before and after camp care is also offered, from 7.30-8.30 a.m. and 3-6 p.m.

Georgetown University Summer Camps at Yates Field House
yates.georgetown.edu/summer/ yatesdaycamp@georgetown.edu
Where: The Yates Field House, Kehoe Field, and McCarthy Pool, Georgetown University, Washington, D.C. 20057
When: June 25 and consist of 6 separate one-week sessions.
How much: $380 per week, $280 per week for current Yates Field House members.
The Day Camp is a day-long activity camp for kids aged 6 to 10 years old. Days usually run from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. After care is offered until 4:30 p.m. Activities include indoor and outdoor team-based games, creative projects, swimming, bingo and talent shows.

Audubon Naturalist Societey’s Summer Nature Camps
http://www.audubonnaturalist.org 301-652-9188 x15 (Karen Vernon)
Where: Woodend Sanctuary in Chevy Chase, and Lathrop E. Smith Center in Rockville.
When: June 18- August 17.
How much: From $128-$710 per week.
Audubon Naturalist Society Summer Camps offer both day and overnight camps with outdoor fun and discovery for kids and teenagers from 4 to 17 years old. Activities include games, hikes, songs, great camping traditions and environmental education in a natural setting. Camp days usually start at 8:45 a.m. and end 3 or 4 p.m. The camp also offers aftercare, from 4 to 6 p.m.

Corcoran Gallery of Art’s Camp Creativity
www.corcoran.org/family/camps (202) 639-1770
Where: Corcoran Gallery locations in Georgetown, Downtown and near Capitol Hill.
When: June 18- August 1
How much: $170-$590 per week (morning, afternoon or full day sessions)
Corcoran Gallery of Art offers different art summer camps for kids aged 5 to 16. The schedule for each camp group is age-appropriate and activities include sculpture making, painting, ceramics, jewelry making, photography, cartooning and so much more.

Other camps worth checking out:
Levine School of Music’s Summer Camps, levineschool.org
School of Rock Summer Camps, sordc.com/
Georgetown University Summer Programs, scs.georgetown.edu
Visitation Preparatory School’s Sports Summer Camps, visi.org/
Camp Rim Rock, camprimrock.com/
Camp Arena Stage, arenastage.org/
Georgetown Day School’s Summer Camps, www.gds.org/

Georgetowner • November 1, 2012

DEAR STACY,

I am a fit, healthy, 29-year-old woman and I hate dating in DC. It seems like in any other city, I would be considered desirable, but here I?m completely ignored. Guys my own age are only interested in one-night stands. Older men are only interested in women who are younger than I am. The bar scene is the worst, and the judgments are so fast and based on nothing realistic (I actually have seen women padding their bras in the bathrooms ? are we in 8th grade?). The few real dates I?ve been on since the spring (when I ended a long-term relation- ship) have been less about the guy getting to know me, and more about him getting to know whether I would go home with him later that night (answer: no). I have heard that there are real men who like real women in the Midwest. I cannot believe I?m actually thinking about moving for the possibility that I will find love.

?About Done with D.C.

DEAR ABOUT DONE:

You?re right, DC is a tough dating market. Men and women alike have made similar com- plaints in my office, each with their own inter- pretations: men aren?t interested in real women, women in DC won?t date men who aren?t rich, men are superficial and sex-driven, women are
superficial and change the rules too much, and on and on. While I can?t advise you against finding a good Midwestern boy (I?d be a hypo- crite if I said that), I will say that you may not have to pack up your things and head to Indiana just yet.

The bar scene can be a tough place to meet that special someone. First, we need to do a thorough inventory of your approach and, ahem, require that you stay out of the bars if you truly are looking for love (Looking for a fun girls night? Bars are ok). Regard dating as you might consider a job search in a tough economy. Monster.com and the Sunday employment section can only get you so far. Network with your girlfriends, coworkers, volunteer mates (you should be volunteering, btw). Let everyone know you are open to meet- ing a Good Guy, but don?t make that your entire pitch. You want to meet a Good Guy who will {fill in with some specific, fun activity} with you. In other words, you want to create a picture of the life you want, and make sure that those around you have that image as well. That way, when they come across someone who might fit into that scenario, they already have the idea that you could be the right match. ?

*Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. Her website is www.stacy- murphyLPC.com. This column is meant for entertain- ment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacy@georgetowner.com.*

Georgetowner • October 17, 2012

DEAR STACY,
My husband promised to get a vasectomy once we were done having children. Baby no. 3 just turned 2, and still, nothing has happened. We do not want a fourth. He has all the excuses in the book ? no time to schedule an appointment, changed jobs so health insurance changed, forgot to follow up with a referral. I?m sure that on some level he?s afraid of the procedure, even though he hasn?t said that. But I?ve had three C-sections, so I have a hard time not seeing him as a very lazy, selfish person. We have a great marriage otherwise, but this unspoken thing between us is taking a toll on me.
?Exasperated

DEAR EXASPERATED

Try to be supportive and understanding if a partner is nervous about going under the knife.
I am sorry you are feeling this way and appreciate your situation. Your frustration is completely valid. You thought you had an agree- ment and Husband has been using passive meth- ods to avoid following through. At the same time, I think there is more you could be doing ? particularly in terms of finding out more about his concerns. Sure, he could be afraid of the surgery, but we are just speculating until we get some real data.

You describe this situation as an ?unspoken thing? between you two ? let?s push in on that
key phrase. To get what you want, you are going to have to speak about it, again. But this time I am going to encourage you to be calm (breathe), gentle (use a soft voice), and curious (pause and be intrigued by what he says). Use the therapist?s trick of mirroring what he says, asking him to tell you more about how he feels. Do not inter- rupt and say something angry or judgmental. Ignore the urge to pepper the conversation with ?you should? and ?you promised? ? that route will lead to an argument or, worse, another delay tactic on his part. You need to know the real story behind his behavior, and he?s not going to feel safe telling you unless you make it safe for him to be honest. ?
Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed profession- al counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. Her website is www.stacymurphyLPC.com. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counsel- ing. Send your confidential question to stacy@ georgetowner.com.

Georgetowner • September 21, 2012

The National Sporting Library’s annual Polo Weekend will be held on Sept. 22 and 23. Following Saturday’s Symposium, the Benefit Polo Match and Luncheon will be held at the Virginia International Polo Club in Upperville, Va.

Sunday’s event will begin with the gates opening at 12:30 p.m., followed by lunch at 1 p.m.; the polo match will commence at 2:30 p.m. Other entertainment will include a performance by the Washington Scottish Pipes Band and a presentation of the Piedmont Foxhounds.

For ticket and sponsorship inquiries, contact Holly Johnson at holly@webstergroupinc.com or 202-741-1294.

Founded in 1954, the NSL’s mission is to preserve, share and promote the literature, art and culture of horse and field sports. It does this through programs offered to the public that include exhibits, lectures and special events, most of which are free.

If you cannot attend the weekend, the Sporting Library will be hosting other upcoming events, such as the “Evening at the NSLM,” an open house on Oct. 18, 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. For a complete list of all events and more information, visit NSL.org.
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Georgetowner • September 6, 2012

*Dear Stacy,
Well, here we are again ? another unceremonious breakup. This time I really thought things were going well, and even that I had overlooked quite a few issues (like his overbearing mother, his reluctance to actually plan a date) so as to make our relationship work for the last six months. But no, he now says he?s taken stock and realized that I?m just not ?the one.? I have lots of friends to take me out and listen to me complain about his insensitivity. They remind me what a great girlfriend I am, and tell me there are other fish in the sea. What I want from you is a clich?-free explanation for why this failed again, even as I tried my hardest to withhold my criticism and just make it work. What is going on with me that after 22 years of dating (I?m 37), I?m still getting dumped.
?Not the One*

Dear Not the One,
I?m so sorry you are struggling with this, but I do know one thing about your question: You aren?t the one, and neither is he. Hear me on this one, he is not ?the one? for you. Take heart in that. He wasn?t your match, and here?s why: When we meet our match, we don?t ?overlook issues,? we have the security and patience to work them through.

It is unfortunate that he realized you weren?t the Tami for his Eric Taylor before you did. But it sounds to me like you actually knew something wasn?t right, but you had already been convinced that your own judgment was not to be trusted. Perhaps you have bought into the suggestions of well-meaning friends or relatives who, when faced with the end of one of your relationships, asked whether you were being too critical about this or that. Over time ? and through 22 years of dating ? a message is sent that ?I must be doing something wrong here. So I will stop doing anything, and see what happens.?

But what happens when we don?t do anything (when try our hardest to ?withhold criticism and just make it work?), is that we aren?t being real in the relationship. This results in a pervasive fakeness, built on false expectations and interactions. Usually, the other party realizes he?s dating an automaton, and exits with one excuse or another.

So here?s my clich?-free advice: take solace in your girlfriends? positive cheerleading, and then stop taking anyone else?s advice. Set aside some time to think about who you are in a relationship ? maybe you don?t know? That?s a great jumping off point with a therapist or relationship coach. When you get clear about your needs and wants, realizing they are valid needs and wants, you will be in a better position to find a partner capable of meeting those needs and wants.

*Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. Her website is [www.stacymurphyLPC.com](http://www.stacymurphylpc.com), and you can follow her on twitter @StacyMurphyLPC. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to [stacy@georgetowner.com](mailto:stacy@georgetowner.com).*