Living

Georgetowner • February 27, 2013

**DEAR STACY:**
*My life is a mess. My job, my relationship with my boyfriend, the house I try to keep up with while raising a soon-to-be teenager ? it?s all one big mess, and I don?t know where to begin to get things back on track. I?m sure I could use couples counseling to make a decision about how to move forward with my boyfriend. It would be great to get some career guidance as well (I have a very good job, but it?s boring and frustrating most days). But honestly, any?of those activities would take me out of the unbelievable mess my house has become. We moved two years ago and I still am living out of boxes. I would just end up feeling guilty about not using my time to finally get organized. For example, this is what happens when I go to the gym: I feel guilty about being there and leave halfway through, only to feel worse about myself once I get home and have no energy to clean. I just need some ideas about where to start.
-Under the Mess*
**DEAR UNDER:**
Let?s begin with what you are doing right. It sounds like you have a fairly non-stressful job and a long term relationship with Boyfriend. No part of your question addresses the complexities of single-parenting Preteen Child, so I?m going to trust that things are going pretty well there, too. If none of those situations are in immediate crisis, I?d say you have a lot going for you.?
See what I just did? I prioritized the three most important relationships in your life and pointed out that you are doing a lot of things right already. That is prioritizing. When we get overwhelmed with the mess and can?t even allow ourselves a complete workout at the gym (you have a gym membership already ? more points for you!), that suggests that our prioritizing skills need some work. The good news is that you already have the insight about what needs help, now focus on the momentum-building.?
There is one, simple, comforting, sure-fireway to launch you out of paralysis and into that magical momentum: outsourcing. Seriously. Finding the right people to help you get moving is taking charge. You don?t have to do this alone. Hire a house organizer to get a handle on those boxes (I recommend Lynne Mishele at CreativelyOrganize.com). Head to a weekend relationship seminar to help you and Boyfriend start that marriage conversation (check out the programs section at ImagoCenterDC.com). Book some time with a career counselor who can help narrow down your job wish list (call me, I?m happy to help you find someone nearby). Again, you do not have to do this alone.
My strongest advice is to start with the home organization. While your living space may not feel like the most important issue at hand, change in that area will have a huge impact by alleviating the stress you are putting on yourself every time you think about how deficient you are in this area. You will have a streamlined, organized space from which to make all those other choices.?

*Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. This column is meant for entertainment only, and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacy@georgetowner.com.*

Georgetowner • February 13, 2013

**DEAR STACY,**
*I will be getting married this summer and have been having the hardest time planning the wedding. I won?t admit this to my family, but I think I?m really the ?problem.? Nothing is coming together the way I had dreamed it would. I don?t love our venue, but I can?t find a better place to have the reception. I don?t love the flowers, but we cannot afford anything nicer. I basically hate my dress ? it?s uncomfortable and too shiny, and we?ve already bought it so I have no choice. I?m just being a whiny, teary, angry mess all the time. What can you do when your dreams are not possible and you have no control?
?Bride-to-be*

**DEAR BRIDE,**
This sounds horrible and terribly sad. I?m not talking about the situation, mind you, but the mood of your message. You are making a decision to fuse your life with another person?s ? forever. Anxiety and worries about venues and nice flowers are all reasonable, but shouldn?t there be some excitement that supersedes those concerns?
I can?t offer tips for stretching your wedding dollars, and I won?t try to convince you that every bride looks gorgeous, no matter how shiny her dress is. I will ask if you remember the person you are marrying? That guy? Why not focus on him for a moment? I know it can be hard to turn off the images of the wedding industrial complex, but in reality, the big day is about joining two lives, not creating the best representation of your childhood fantasy wedding. When we take time to get grounded in our purpose ? a.k.a. building a new life with another person ? the other stuff looks better or, better yet, stops mattering so much.

You already know that there is something not right about your reactivity here, so give yourself room to get to the bottom of it. (Prepare yourself for my standard pitch for premarital counseling here.) What about scheduling a few appointments with an experienced couples counselor? Even if there aren?t any specific disagreements to tackle, dedicating some time to deepening your connection will help you refocus whenever worries about flowers and cakes start to bubble over. You also can start tonight, by sharing your anxieties with Fianc?, not to solve them, but to consider ways to set them aside together.

*Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. Her website is [www.stacymurphyLPC.com](http://www.stacymurphyLPC.com) and you can follow her on twitter @StacyMurphyLPC. This column is meant for entertainment only, and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling.*

Georgetowner • January 30, 2013

*Dear Stacy:
I?ve been single for about 10 months following a breakup with the guy I dated throughout college and a year after (almost 5 years). After some time on my own ? including some casual dating ? I?m looking to begin a new relation- ship. I have no idea where to start. I met my old boyfriend at freshman orientation and never had to go through the process of meeting someone in a bar or at work or however you?re supposed to do it. I don?t want a hookup. I want a relationship that can turn into something more. So core values and family compatibility are a must. Oh, and I should mention that I have a very demanding job and not a ton of free time. Where?s the right place to meet the right guy?
-ISO Real Relationship Material*

Dear ISO,
First, congratulations on naming what you want! That can be a big obstacle for many young people who may be afraid to say that they do want the ?relationship material? rather than the casual stuff. I wish I could just refer you to the Real Relationship Material Shoppe (in Georgetown, naturally), but they?re closed for renovations, indefinitely. So let?s do some brainstorming.?A big part of this can be letting your friends and family know that you are looking for love ? networking is a useful tool. Also, consider branching out of your regular routine ? sorry about the lack of free time, but potential partners may not be visible if you are hiding in your cubicle. Take part in activities you like (seriously, only ones that you like, not the ones you think New Boyfriend might like), ones that allow you to be your best self. Of course you can widen your options with online dating, a matchmaker, or speed dating ? but in all those circumstances the advice remains the same: be yourself.

Finally, I want to dispel the myth that there is a ?right? place to ?find love.? Sadly, there is no exact location where this most precious of items is always in stock. You can ensure that you are in your own ?right place? by being open to the possibilities and welcoming of whatever form they may take (He may not look/act/work the way your fantasies have foretold ? get used to the unexpected). We do the most important work on ourselves, meaning that when the right paths cross, our eyes are open to see who?s right in front of us.

* Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your con- fidential question to stacy@georgetowner.com.*

Casey obrien • December 14, 2012

The holidays are looming closer, with the promise of holiday parties, alcohol and copious amounts of food. Here comes the phenomenon known as “The Holiday Seven,” or the average seven pounds one gains over the holidays.

The Happiness-Project.com suggests figuring out if you’re a moderator or abstainer. Moderators have an occasional indulgence, which keeps them satisfied with themselves. An abstainer decides which foods are off-limits beforehand, as they may have trouble stopping once they’ve started.

So, before you go to the party and eat two handfuls of chocolate covered pretzels, it’s helpful to come up with a game plan. Start by deciding before you go which foods you will stay away from, and how many sweets you will have. By deciding to stay away from the stuffed mushrooms, and allowing yourself a maximum of two cookies, you will be ahead of the game, and have a better chance of not indulging.

When hosting parties or dinners, use smaller plates, so when you fill up your plate, you’ll have less food. While serving the food, dish out the food in the kitchen, and only bring serving platters of vegetables and salad to the table. Try to put everything you want to eat on your plate in the beginning so that you don’t get too much by grabbing seconds. Eat a bit slower so that you can tell more quickly when you’re feeling full, rather than eating at high speeds and feeling much too full.

The holidays don’t just bring food, but also stress, and stress causes us to eat. Another way to control our eating habits throughout the holiday season is to control our stress levels as much as possible. Besides the obvious cure of working out – we all know it works, even if we might not like the act of going to the gym – avoiding the main shopping centers and their crowds will alleviate some stress. Instead, buy gifts online, or if you have to go out, don’t go during a peak time, like when the stores first open.

Just by changing a few things, you can make sure the only holiday seven you gain are presents.

Georgetowner • December 10, 2012

Middleburg, Va., is revered and down Washington Street. Treading on the beloved as the heart of hunt and coattails of the hunt, floats, bands and horse country, and the area’s burgeoning wine market only furthers the rustic, pastoral charm of this historic Virginia town. From world class dining to unparal- leled antiquing, and surrounded by award- winning resorts, the Middleburg area has quietly become one of the premier travel destinations on the East Coast.

Each December, more and more travel- ers find themselves fancying the holidays in country, during Middleburg’s unparal- leled annual Christmas celebration. Last weekend, on Dec. 1, 12,000 guests made it out for the most moving Christmas in Middleburg yet.

As always, residents and guests flocked to Middleburg Elementary School for Breakfast with Santa and a silent auc- tion to kick off the festivities. Throughout the day, the craft fair at the Middleburg Community Center offered audiences of all ages a chance to experience traditional and contemporary craft traditions, and the Middleburg Garden Club hosted a success- ful sale of Christmas greens and wintry flowers at its Christmas Green Sale.

Of course, nothing compared to the annual Hunt Review, Middleburg’s celebra- tory Christmas Parade, with the longstand- ing tradition of horses and hounds parading down Washington Street. Treading on the coattails of the hunt, floats, bands, and troops passed by, with plenty of animals and the signature antique fire trucks– and, of course, Santa, who closed the procession as he rode in on an ornate horse-drawn coach. Guests stayed warm while waiting for the parade to ride by thanks to hot choc- olate and baked goods from the Middleburg Methodist Church.

After the parade, children were offered the chance to take hayrides towed by local draught horses, which took them around town in unique fashion and with great excitement. For parents and other adults, the Wine Crawl was a special treat, where local wineries set up in town from end to end, providing tasting flights as you go.

At the day’s end, the Piedmont Singers rung in the holiday season at Emmanuel Episcopal Church, spreading song and merriment throughout the town to close the ceremonies. It was a day of community, laughter, merriment and joy, perfect to welcome in the 2012 Christmas season. The holidays have not yet even arrived, but already we cannot wait for next year’s Middleburg Christmas celebration.

Georgetowner • December 6, 2012

Seeing the joy in a person’s face when receiving a gift is one of the many pleasures of the holiday season. With these Georgetowner picks, all for sale in Georgetown, you are sure to put a smile on anyone’s face! [gallery ids="101087,137693,137652,137688,137659,137683,137664,137678,137672" nav="thumbs"]

Gary Tischler •

We live in the age of the short, the small, the quick and fast, the compact, the time-saving, the quickie, the: Mini.

Mini-cars—of course. Mini-me, of movie fame. Mini-ice cream portions from HaagenDazs.

The idea is to make life compact, like living in a Manhattan apartment. The idea is that a mini of anything can be as satisfying, as economical, as fulfilling, as a full portion of anything. In keeping with this train of thought and the cover photo of a mini-car, we offer a suggestion: Why not mini-vacations and mini-trips?

Really, isn’t it annoying to have to pack for two weeks and a lifetime, just to go to Paris or Mexico City for a couple of weeks?

Do you have to rack your brains about where to go, how much to take in and what to skip. Gosh, 14 nights in a hotel and a Broadway show are really going to get expensive.

Why not, instead, keep it short, direct and focused? Yes, you can.

Speaking of Mexico City (or elsewhere, like Dublin or Las Vegas), yes, you can keep it short and sweet. Pick your hotel, get picked up at the airport, and choose to do or see not 20 things but, say, only three things starting from your hotel in Mexico City. We live in the age of direct flights, and yes, you can get there fast, directly and come back just as fast, all in a matter of days, instead of weeks.
A mini-vacation in Mexico City just for two of you, can be focused, direct and surely romantic. Focus.
But then, you might be thinking that even with direct flights, there’s the frisking, the long lines, the food, getting in and out.

Why not haves a mini-vacation by car, like seeing the USA in your Chevrolet, or your high-mileage Mini or Mini Cooper, depending on how many people are coming.

Speaking of New York, you can drive there, or take a train and actually see one or two plays. Check out to see if “Spider Man” is really that bad or great and see the Disneyfied Broadway. Find Stage Deli, one block east of the Ed Sullivan Theater, or settle for Hello Deli, well know to Letterman watchers. Go to MOMA and all the great museums in New York, but remember that in D.C., they’re free.

You don’t have to go that far by car—quick trips for specific occasions are all around. We live after all in an area that’s inter-connected from D.C. to Baltimore to Northern Virginia and every town, village, city or neighborhood worthy of the name will have a party, a celebration, a commemoration, an anniversary or a festival at some point.

That includes the upcoming commemoration of the War of 1812, the Star-Spangled Banner and Francis Scott Key in Baltimore, a music festival in the Shenondoahs in July, a special arts and crafts festival in Reston, a yearly festival in Herndon, just to name a few. More than that, while Washington may have the upper hand in culture, the country side lacks in nothing for finding your way to the rich history of the area—from Colonial to Revolutionary to Federal days in Williamsburg (complete with nearby theme park), to the endless battlefield sites, or the joys of sailing near Maryland’s capital, Annapolis, home also to the U.S. Naval Academy.

Just go out into the country by car—stop overnight and discover the joys not of big city hotels but small town bed-and-breakfasts, where you can capture the flavor of a particular town, or area with an a one or two night stay. That’s why God made Mini-cars and local crab apples or crafts.

If the Nats are out of town, catch a ballgame or go to the Inner Harbor in Baltimore. The Orioles this year are hot for as yet unexplained reasons, and the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox are vying for last place for as yet unexplained reasons.

If you want to get really basic, go for a walk. That’s as mini as you can get.

In Washington, D.C., you can go for a walk—or take a bus, or run, or ride the Metro, and end up going around the world. This is a city in the middle of the month-long Passport D.C., still in progress, showcasing the world’s embassies which are a special feature for the city’s residents.

If you want to pretend to be traveling while staying at home—take the wife, husband, significant other, partner, to a downtown hotel and stay for a couple of days and explore your immediate surroundings.
Something’s always going on at the National Mall. The Folklife Festival is coming soon, for instance, and every museum has not only what’s good to know and seek but also special events, concerts, movies and lectures.

In Washington, it doesn’t hurt to act like a tourist, and then explore other neighborhoods in the city—the rising downtown, Columbia Heights, Adams Morgan, the H Street Corridor and the revitalized 14th Street.

That’s a whole new concept of mini-travel: take a hike, as they say, and visit Georgetown and if you live in other parts of town. Walk there by way of Rock Creek Park, and then have a magnificent dinner or stroll along the canal.

Another quick mini—ride a boat to ports of call along the Potomac River—Old Town Alexandria, the Gaylord National and National Harbor.

In this town, you can get there from here. By direct flights, by train (I love New York if not Newark), by car beyond the Beltway, and by foot as far as they’ll take you.