Living

Ari Post • December 6, 2012

Two hundred and fifty years ago, a city was founded along a Virginia trade route that led from Richmond ?to the Great Appalachian Valley. Named after Queen Charlotte, wife of King George III, it was established as an intersection of industry and natural resources, urbanity and wilderness. As the country evolved, through the throws of war and the expansion of the West, Charlottesville stood as a geographic and philosophical step- pingstone, gently nestled in the eaves of the Blue Ridge Mountains and standing at the forefront of economic, cultural and academic achievement.

Today, Charlottesville continues its legacy, having become a premier destination in the Mid- Atlantic Region. Renowned for its innovation in winemaking, regionally inspired culinary artist- ry, rustic local culture and top-end, often quirky and unique retail, Charlottesville brings its cul- tural and geographic heritage into its daily life.

Only two hours from Washington, the winter months are the perfect time to settle in for a cozy Charlottesville weekend, sitting fireside at a rural inn, dining at one of their classic or contemporary restaurants, or warming up from a wintry vineyard tour in a rustic tasting room. Here is a primer for Charlottesville’s restaurants and vineyards, all perfect places around which to frame a weekend getaway and take the edge off the winter months ahead.

Wine

As we stand on the doorstep of winter vineyards may seem low on the list of worthy city was founded along a Virginia discussion topics. Now of course is the time trade route that led from Richmond where vines begin to go barren and production comes to a standstill until the spring thaw. While everyone else with the winter wonderland bug is waiting in line at the ski slopes, Charlottesville’s wineries offer intimate afternoon getaways off the beaten path. With the last of the fall wine festivals and vineyard weddings behind us, tours are down and crowds have dwindled, leaving true wine enthusiasts with a selection of world- class vineyards to explore without the fuss of traffic. With over 20 vineyards to choose from, it is just a matter of knowing where to start.

Early Mountain Vineyards is a great place to begin your Charlottesville wine tour. Relatively new to the community, they are not only produc- ing impressive wines but maintaining their his- toric property with a commitment to biodiversity and sustainable farming. Having learned from wine pioneers in Virginia and around the world, we know that practical organic and biodynamic methods, such as limiting our use of sprays and pesticides, help preserve the natural balance of the vineyards’ ecosystem and yield healthy and expressive grapes. Not that you need to know this to enjoy their delicious wine.

Their tasting room is among the most impressive in Virginia, ranked second out of 220 wineries by Virginia Wine Lover online. Visitors to Early Mountain Vineyards can warm by the fire and enjoy the views after lunch with fare from the tasting room’s ‘eat local’ marketplace featuring cheeses, charcuterie and products from Virginia purveyors. They keep a selection of the best Virginia wines from other vineyards in house along with rotating featured selections. Learn why Virginia is a growing destination for wine enthusiasts.

www.EarlyMountain.com

King Family Vineyards is a family-owned and operated boutique winery located in Crozet, just fifteen minutes from Charlottesville at the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains. The winery specializes in small productions of ultra- premium wine that showcase the remarkable qualities of nearly 100% estate grown fruit. Founded in 1998, the winery’s first vintage was only 500 cases. Today, the winery produces approximately 5,000 cases of wine per year, and according to owner David King, King Family sells everything they make. During the winter, the winery’s tasting room is home to a warm stone fireplace and rich, family-friendly seating areas. Bring your own goodies or pick from the tasting room’s gourmet assortments of chocolates, cheeses, salamis, spreads, and hot French bread.

www.KingFamilyVineyards.com

Pollak Vineyards, a favorite of this author, was founded by David and Margo Pollak, who first made wine in Napa Valley in the 1970s. With their new viticultural venture, they wanted to explore a new terrain in the winemaking world. Virginia, they decided, was the Napa of the East Coast. They found their current Charlottesville plot in 2001 and started planting fruit in 2003.

“We don’t buy or outsource any fruit for our wine,” says Dovel. “We grow all our own grapes, and even sell to some of our neighbors, which we’re very proud of. It’s rare to find a winery that does all estate grown wines. What you taste in our wines is our true terroir—what Mother Nature has to offer our specific property.”

Today, Pollak is well known for their Viogniers and Petit Verdots. Their red wines are unfined and unfiltered, with a lot of finesse but a still-present power. “If you put France and California together,” says Dovel, “that’s where we sit: big fruit with great structure—and the character of Virginia’s unique climate makes it awesome.”

www.PollakVineyards.com

Dining

As hinted at by the wineries, local and region- al produce plays a large part in Charlottesville’s culinary scene. A handful of restaurants are spearheading this movement, delivering innova- tive but comforting American fare, inspired with international flavors and rooted in the surrounding farmland.

Mas was conceived by chef Tomas Rahal as an opportunity to feature slow, organic, artisanal food and wines, inspired by Spain and emphasizing simple, well-handled ingredients served in a casual neighborhood setting.

Featuring a contemporary, tapas-style menu, Mas specializes in bite-sized dishes eaten between larger meals. These snacks are often eaten in groups, sharing dishes communally and without any pretense or formality. Among their mouth-watering menu options this season, try their Medulla, a rich beef marrow blended with Alba truffles, sweet butter, parsley, garlic and bread crumbs, and toasted with Manchego. Los Dos is a pairing of wild King Salmon and Yellowfin tuna tartares with thyme flowers, grey sea salt and garlic crisps. They also have an outstanding selection of Spanish wines for unforgettable pairings.

www.MasTapas.com

Judging by its name alone, you can probably guess where The Local cultivates its culinary inspiration and resources. Since it opened in March 2008, The Local has provided a venue to showcase the abundant supply of small farmers, artisan cheese makers, breweries, distilleries and award wining vineyards in the Charlottesville
area. They even support local craftsman and artisans, and much of what you see in the restau- rant is fabricated locally. Start your meal with a local Caromont Goat Cheese salad, with roasted local beets and poached local apples, on a bed of mixed greens, which, believe it or not, are sourced locally. For the main event, choose from local trout stuffed with pimento cheese over corn grits and local braised greens, or a (local) local half chicken in a blackberry glaze with poppy seed slaw and potatoes.

www.TheLocal-Cville.com

Georgetowner • December 5, 2012

DEAR STACY,

*My family needs some help navigating the holidays. We are a newly blended family. I have two kids from a previous marriage, and my new husband has two kids from his. All the kids are teenagers and we both have full custody. We are making plans for our holiday gatherings this year, and I am frustrated with my husband?s complete unwillingness to shift his ?traditions? and create a new plan at our home with his new family. They always travel with extended family on Christmas, but I thought that with a new family come new plans ? at least plans as a ?family.? Am I wrong? Whenever I bring this up, I get the speech about accom- modating the kids? wishes and being patient until they are out of the house. I think they all should want to spend time with the rest of us ? we should be creating new traditions, together.*

*– All I Want for Christmas Is My Family*

DEAR ALL I WANT,

You have left out a few key details. For instance, how long, and to what extent, have your families blended prior to your marriage? More importantly, why you aren?t planning to travel with him and his kids? As such, I can?t be sure if you are meeting his ?complete unwillingness? with some stubbornness of your own, but let?s break this down.

Right now, you are combining households and assuming a completely new set of traditions will follow. This might have been possible if you were the parents of four kids under age 5, but you are the parents of four teenagers. Four teens with their own experiences and individual senses of displace- ment due to the new formation of your family. While all the storybooks would suggest that with just enough baking, deco- rating and general Christmas spirit, you might achieve the perfect holiday, the truth is that your goal should simply be enjoyable connection (at best) and overall survival (at worst).

This is not the time to assert yourself as the new matriarch. This is the time to be thoughtful with Husband, New Kids and with yourself. As long as you are communicating your feel- ings before/during/after, rest assured that this year?s schedule is not going to be the standard by which all future holidays are planned. Your attitude about being flexible, however, will be something they will remember. See how this goes and then have a gentle debriefing in January.

*Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist, practicing in Georgetown. Her website is www.stacymurphyLPC.com. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to Stacy@ Georgetowner.com.*

Jennifer Merino • November 28, 2012

The slogan, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas,” evokes images of late- night gambling, debauchery and escapades straight out of “The Hangover.” For many people, this type of experience is exactly what is attractive about Las Vegas, but there is more than one reason to travel to Sin City, which has become an entertainment and foodie capital in the U.S. Las Vegas, Nevada, now offers a wide range of shows, activities and restaurants that of- fer entertainment options for Las Vegas rookies and veterans alike.

Walking down Las Vegas Boulevard, or “the strip,” is a must for any first-time visitor. If you’re travelling on a budget, it can be a great inexpensive activity in its own right, as you take in the sights and sounds of the city. Each hotel along the strip caters to a different theme, and stopping in each can provide plenty of enter- tainment, from riding the roller coaster in New York-New York, watching and reviewing CBS television pilots at MGM, to viewing a copy of Michelangelo’s statue of David in Caesar’s Palace. While walking the strip, make sure to stop at the Bellagio for the fountain show, take a gondola ride at the Venetian and stop at Treasure Island for the pirate show.

While the strip seems to be the iconic desti- nation for Las Vegas, many gems off Las Vegas Boulevard offer a variety of activities that cannot be found on the strip — or anywhere else for that matter.

Entertainment

Las Vegas offers a wide variety of shows that cater to all interests, from comedies, to musi- cals, to the risqué. For example, the Amazing Johnathan has become a Las Vegas staple. The entertainer, now performing at Bally’s, combines magic and comedy, along with crowd interac- tion, to provide an unforgettable show.

Frank Marino’s Divas Las Vegas is at the Imperial Palace nightly, except for Friday, at 10 p.m. As the city’s leading “female imper- sonator,” Marino’s drag show is the longest continuously running show in Las Vegas. Marino has been performing in Las Vegas since 1985 and became famous for his impersonation of television personality Joan Rivers. His act now includes impersonations of Bette Midler, Britney Spears, Madonna and many others.

Activities

You’ve seen Cirque du Soleil’s talented artists mesmerize crowds live on stage, and now for the time ever, you, too, can experience for yourself what it’s like to be an actual performer. Shine Alternative Fitness brings the unique “cir- cus” workout to the general public, under the instruction of past and present Cirque du Soleil performers and top industry champions. Not even a VIP backstage pass can get you as up close and personal to the mesmerizing world of Cirque like Shine Fitness can.

A recent recipient of the Las Vegas Weekly’s “Best Off-the-Wall Workout” award and noted by BizBash.com as a top 10 teambuilding workout in Las Vegas, Shine offers stimulating, fun and rewarding workouts with an array of exclusive specialty classes, including “Antigravity Yoga,” which suspends participants in the air to achieve challenging yoga poses and total relaxation, pole fitness, aerial, stretch and tone, Xtreme Boxing, Gyrotronic, similar to swimming and dancing on a unique pulley tower and more.

For guests looking for a beauty transforma- tion, Amp Blo Bar & Salon located in Palms Casino Resort is a hidden gem for anyone taking on Vegas in style. The salon recently announced a special partnership with Minx, the elite nail fashion designer that extends fashion to the fin- gertips. Worn by the most fashionable names in entertainment, Minx is essential for the glitz and glamour of the Strip nightlife scene. With skilled Minx specialists on-hand, Amp is one of few locations in Las Vegas to secure hot nail fashion.

As for gambling, yes, I tried it. I even learned how to play craps, but I was too timid to try it out in the “real world.” I stuck to the penny slots while I was at the Flamingo. I won $126 off one of the slots after only a few tries. Was it beginner’s luck? I guess I will find out next time.

Georgetowner •

DEAR STACY,

*My friend is getting married in the spring. He and his fianc?e asked me to do a reading at the wedding and I was happy to say yes. But in the meantime, she and I have had a few dis- agreements about politics and religion. Nothing earth shattering, but we do come at these things from different sides. It?s been highlighted at a few gatherings lately. Regardless of whether my friend agrees with my take on things (but, he does), her reaction to my views has been sur- prising. She has gotten angry and then pouted, ruining the evening for everyone else. Now my buddy tells me she doesn?t want me to do the reading anymore, because we ? fundamentally disagree? about faith. It?s their wedding, and I am happy to do (or not do) whatever they want, but I think this whole incident is highlighting something very wrong about their relationship. She is controlling and manipulative, and forces him to take sides against his closest friends. This doesn?t bode well for a long-term commit- ment, right? I?d like it if a friend of mine helped me avoid this kind of mistake. What do I do?*

*-Worried about my friend*

DEAR WORRIED:

I?ve said it before, but we outsiders really have no idea of what is actually going on inside another couple?s relationship. Thinking that we do is a real mind trap, so proceed with caution. (Notice me totally sidestepping the issue of mix- ing politics and religion at social gatherings…)

There is such a fine line between want- ing to help and sounding like you are trashing someone. If you do want to make your concerns known, be careful to read the situation and keep yourself out of the details. What I mean is, if Buddy actually is experiencing Fianc?e?s behav- ior as manipulative, but is not quite at the place where he can articulate it, you might become just the scapegoat his unconscious mind may be looking for. Here are some dos and don?ts if you decide to pursue the conversation:

-Do sit down with Buddy and gently tell him you are supportive of him, but concerned about Fianc?e?s attitude when faced with an opposing opinion.

-Don?t attack Fianc?e?s character in any way.

-Do pay close attention to Buddy?s reaction to your concern.

-Don?t push it.

-Do accept the verdict that you are not doing a reading at the wedding.

-Don?t bring it up again.

-Do remind him that you are there for him, whatever happens.

-Don?t mistake your role in all this ? you are his friend, but that does not mean you get a vote on this relationship.

*Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. Her website is www.stacy- murphyLPC.com. This column is meant for entertain- ment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacy@georgetowner.com.*

Georgetowner • November 14, 2012

**DEAR STACY,**

*I would like to comment on a recent column about an underemployed husband (Murphy?s Love, Oct. 3, 2012). I like your suggestion to the wife of the underemployed husband about how she can constructively represent his situation to those who ask about his job search. However, I believe that he was mischaracterized as some- one going through denial. Instead, he feels embarrassed because others may judge him by his employment status. That certainly will happen if he lives in the Washington, D.C., region.*

*Also, if he tells others that he is employed in a sales job, others will forever label him as a salesman without considering that it is an interim job for him. (While shopping or ordering coffee, people often forget that the people behind the counter may have goals outside of their current employment.) As do all people, the underemployed spouse wants to be understood, but he knows that most communication, including what job-search experts call ?networking,? does not promote understanding.*

*As someone who has a master?s degree and has been unemployed or underemployed for most of the last ten years, I speak from experience. For what it?s worth, I am single and 47-years-old. I haven?t any further advice for the wife because your advice is exactly what she and her husband need and because she seems to otherwise be enduring the situation very well.*

*?Sympathetic Underemployed Man*

**DEAR SYMPATHETIC:**

Thanks for the feedback. I definitely hear your argument, particularly with pop culture?s more recent interpretation of ?denial? as a derogatory term (e.g. ?it ain?t just a river in Egypt?). As part of a larger grief process, however, the denial stage is simply the period when we experience or re-experience the shock of a loss and find ourselves trying to return to the reality we had before things changed. This when we say ?Everything?s ok!? even when it?s not. It?s a coping strategy that is in no way a personal failing. My perspective was that if Underemployed Husband was in denial about his change in circumstance, it?s just a part of a natural grief process.

Your point about him feeling embarrassed and worrying about being labeled makes a lot of sense ? particularly, as you said, in our fair city, which while wonderful in many ways, has a ten- dency to be somewhat unfair in terms of status and judgment. I agree, embarrassment is quite different from denial, and I can imagine that if Underemployed Husband is, indeed, embarrassed, being told that he?s just going through a ?grief phase? would feel discouraging, at best, or humiliating, at worst. There?s no room for the latter in a healthy coupling. Thank you for the reminder.

*Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. Her website is www.stacymurphyLPC.com. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacy@georgetowner.com.*

Nico Dodd • November 6, 2012

It’s hard to believe that summer is really winding down. One of the best things about summer dining is pairing a seasonal beer with seafood or barbecue. With fall and Oktoberfest just around the corner, take a look at these breweries and gastropubs in northern Virginia. Interested in making our own homebrew? You’ll find everything you need and more.

Beach Brewing Company, Virginia Beach
This microbrewery and tap room is open six days a week for hopheads to taste and shop their selection. The husband-and-wife team of Justin and Kristin McDonald have operated the brewery and tasting room. The Hammerhead IPA and Hoptopus Double IPA should provide the hoppy flavor enthusiasts vie for. The SeaDevil Stout is a darker beer to enjoy moving into the fall. Summer is coming to a close, but there are plenty of reasons to get back to Virginia Beach. Beach Brewing Company is located at 2585 Horse Pasture Rd. #204, Virginia Beach, Va. 23453. For more information, call 757-563-BEER or go to www.beachbrewingcompany.com

Blue Lab Brewing Company, Lexington
Blue Lab Brewing Company is a brewery and tasting room that has the ultimate small town feel. The brewery periodically hosts live musicians and is deeply rooted in its community. Both founders are affiliated with Washington and Lee University. Tom Lovell is the assistant director of alumni affairs and Bill Hamilton is an associate professor of biology. The two are quick to discourage anyone under 21 years old from even thinking of drinking their beer, as they mention on their website. Blue Lab’s chocolate coffee stout uses local coffee beans, chocolate and hops to create a delicious dark beer. Blue Lab Brewing Company is located at 123 South Randolph St., Lexington Va. 24450. For more information, call 540-548-0146 or visit www.bluelabbrewing.com

Holy Brew Brewing Company, Leesburg
Holy Brewing Company is a rock-and-roll branded brewing company located in Leesburg. Its Honey Blonde Ale, Brown Ale and “Liquid Confession” are distributed around Virginia. Check them out at www.holybrew.com

Beer Run, Charlottesville
This gastrobpub in Charlottesville is about as full-service as you can get. Serving lunch and dinner Monday through Saturday and a gourmet brunch on Sunday, the restaurant carries hundreds of beers from around the world. The gastropub even sells kegs. Weekly events include Pint Night on Tuesdays, free beer tastings on Wednesdays, free wine tastings on Fridays, and Belgian beer night every Sunday. Beer Run is located at 156 Carlton Rd. Suite 203, Charlottesville, Va. 22902. You can reach the pub at 434-984-BEER or at www.beerun.com

Horse & Hound Gastropub, Charlottesville
Horse & Hound Gastropub features a gourmet dinner and brunch menu that pairs craft beers with fine dining. The pub offers customers the option of ordering beers in six-ounce glasses to maximize the number of tastings during their meal. Chefs Luther and Brooke Fedora are the founders of the Horse and Hound. Both chefs trained at the Culinary Institute of America. Executive chef Luther Fedora worked for several years in London as a chef, and has served as a sommelier at classic London spots such as the Savoy and Drones. Brooke worked as a pastry chef in Manhattan before the couple moved to Charlottesville in 2003.

Fermentation Trap, Barboursville
Many of the brewers here began their businesses when curiosity pushed them to brew their own beer at home. With some basic equipment and knowhow, you too can begin crafting your own signature beer. The Fermentation Trap sells starter kits, ingredients and more advanced equipment for making beer and wine. Everything in the store is also available online for those interested in browsing their selection. The website also hosts the GHRUB club—Grapes and Hops Unedited Banter. The club’s website hosts forums, newsletters and podcasts all devoted to the making of beer and wine at home. The Fermentation Trap is located at 6420 Seminole Trail #12, Seminole Place Plaza, Barboursville, Va. 22923. For more information, call 434-985-2192 or visit www.fermentationtrap.com
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Alexis Williams •

As the summer winds down, there is still time for one last, luxurious vacation. Whether you are looking for a secluded, romantic getaway or a good, old-fashioned family trip, these lavish hotels are sure to suit your needs.

The Lodge at Woodloch
If it is relaxation that you seek, sneak away to The Lodge at Woodloch, a destination spa resort in Hawley, Pa. Treat yourself to the Lodge’s Restorative Herbal massage at the spa, strike a pose during group yoga class, or go on an outdoor adventure through the Pocono Mountains.

That’s only the beginning. Director of public relations for the Lodge, Brooke Jennings, said the serenity of the resort’s location, the multitude of activities and the emphasis on the great outdoors coincide with the Lodge’s mission of “personal awakening and bringing nature in.”

“Sometimes, you get so caught up in life,” she said. “So, it’s nice to go up to the Lodge and realize who you are, find your passions again and get energized and excited about life.”

In its 58 rooms, guests are free to lounge on a private veranda and gaze at the beauty of nature that surrounds them. With three on-site gardens, which produce fresh herbs, the Lodge aims to promote a healthier lifestyle to its guests.

“One of our most popular programs is our Herbal Workshop,” Jennings said. “Our herbalist teaches people how to balance their bodies with nature.”

However, Jennings said, a key element to the Lodge is choice. Guests have an infinite amount of options to choose from to help them clear their minds. Such choices include a game of golf at the Country Club at Woodloch Springs’s 18-hole championship course, a dip in the Lodge’s Aqua Garden with Hydrotherapy WaterWalls or a group or one-on-one training session in the CardioWeight Studio.

“Some people are going to [the Lodge] to relax and some are going to do a lot of activities,” Jennings said. “We cultivate choice of how much or how little a guest wants to do.”

From Aug. 16 to 18, the Lodge will host an artistically invigorating series of workshops, “Nurture Your Creativity,” at no cost to guests. Activities will include sketching, painting, creative writing, baking, and more. For more information, visit thelodgeatwoodloch.com or call 866-953-8500 to make a reservation.

The Goodstone Inn and Estate

Coziness and comfort are merely an hour away at the Goodstone Inn & Restaurant. Sprawling over 265 acres, this historic and pristinely private estate is nestled in the heart of Middleburg, Va. Equipped with a renovated barn that houses a spa and an award-winning restaurant serving Modern American-French country cuisine, the Goodstone is perfect for a weekend escape.

Guests are welcome to partake in the Goodstone’s Goose Creek Picnics where they can enjoy snacking on an assortment of food prepared by executive chef William Walden. For more adventurous guests, hiking, walking and canoeing are also popular activities.

Marketing head Jane Rader said the traditional style of the Goodstone adds to its appeal.
“It’s so old world,” she said. “But it’s got every amenity.”

The 18 guest rooms of the more-than 200-year-old establishment have dramatic views of the picturesque Blue Ridge Mountains, and each are decorated in a French country style. Rader said the Goodstone’s peaceful atmosphere is what captures guests’ hearts.

“It has a beautiful feel,” she said. “It’s a little bit of heaven on earth.”

She added that top-of-the-line clientele, including celebrities and politicians, have been known to flee to the Goodstone for a relaxing stay. Moreover, the estate has become a premiere wedding location.

Until Aug. 31, the Goodstone is featuring a “Summer Indulgence Getaway” package for those looking for a weekend of peace and quiet. Featuring a one or two-night stay, two passes to a local vineyard for wine tasting, and a Goodstone Spa gift, this is one soothing stay you won’t want to get away. To learn more about this historic haven of relaxation, explore goodstone.com, or call 570-687-3333 for a reservation.

The Manor on Golden Pond

Fall in love all over again at the Manor on Gold Pond. Owners Brian and Mary Ellen Shields know how to treat guests to a weekend of romance at the luxurious New Hampshire resort.

As the inspiration for the Academy Award-winning film, “On Golden Pond,” starring Katherine Hepburn and Henry Fonda, the Manor’s dreamy allure and 12-acre stretch are bound to entrance guests. Brian said the quietness and quality service are what give the Manor top marks.

“It is targeted as a romantic getaway,” he said. “It has a nice sense of space.”

The 24-room property features real wood-burning fireplaces and two exquisite restaurants. At Van Horn Dining Room, guests are offered season dishes and more than 200 wines to choose from, while M Bistro includes organic French food options. For those in need of pampering, Brian suggests one of the many spa packages.

“All of the spa packages include the spa lunch,” he said. “The ‘Thirst Quencher’ has become very popular.”

Lose your troubles in 100 minutes of ecstasy. Enjoy an herbal body butter wrap, a facial, aromatherapy hand and foot treatments, and a spa lunch served with the house wine. If sports are more your speed, grab a tennis racquet for a game on the Manor’s clay court or slip into a bathing suit for a swim in the oversized, outdoor, heated pool. At the end of the day, delight in the English décor of the guest rooms of this lovely bed and breakfast. If you and your love would like a holiday away, visit manorongoldenpond.com or call 603-968-3348.

Other Resting Retreats

The Inn at Irving Place (New York) — Just a hop, skip, and a jump from Greenwich Village and Soho, this nurturing nook nestled in two refurbished townhouses treats guests like Victorian socialites. If seclusion is your style, then this very private hotel will suit you perfectly. Without a sign in front to denote its location, the hustle and bustle of New York City is the least of your worries. Revel in the large, European-style guest rooms or enjoy an afternoon five-course tea and delectable finger foods at Lady Mendel’s Tea Salon. Seek out serenity at 212-533-4600, or visit innatirving.com.

The Inn at Montchanin Village (Delaware) – At this timeless estate, guests are welcome to experience a long, relaxing weekend in one of the 11 restored houses dating from 1799 to 1910. Snuggle up to an inviting fire, enjoy the solitude of a private, landscaped courtyard, or take in the amenities of the modern age at the Spa at Montchanin Village. Call 302-888-2133 or visit montchanin.com to find out more.
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Alexis Williams •

Nestled in the farmlands of New Windsor, Md., Shepherds Manor Creamery is the premiere destination for sheep cheese in the state. As one of approximately 100 sheep dairy farms in the United States, Shepherds Manor produces artisan sheep cheese and soap.

Sheep dairy farmers and proprietors of Shepherds Manor Creamery, Colleen and Michael Histon, participated in this year’s Chefs Go Fresh motorcycle rally. As hosts of the first stop on the excursion, the two gave visiting chefs a private tour of their sheep milking and cheese aging facilities. The Histons ended their presentation with samples of their artisan cheeses including feta and tome for the chefs.

“It was kind of a whirlwind,” Colleen Histon said of Chefs Go Fresh. “I thought it was great to meet all the people that we met but I wish we’d had more time so that we could show people more of the facility.”

The farm was awarded with the Carroll County Department of Economic Development’s Agribusiness Award in 2011 and has gained much notoriety for their agricultural diversity. Histon said that after Chefs Go Fresh, she and her husband were able to network with many of the chefs and restaurant owners.

“I was happy for the exposure and we did try to connect with some of the people that expressed interest,” she said. “We did get a few business cards and are actually planning on trying to use that information to contact them at a later date.”

As the Histons continue to expand their sheep cheese empire, their next big cheese showcase will be at the 29th annual Maryland Wine Festival from Sept. 15 to 16. For more information on Shepherds Manor Creamery, visit shepherdsmanorcreamery.com or call (240) 388-6633 to set up a visit. ?

Stacy Notaras Murphy •

DEAR STACY:

My boyfriend of four years just moved into
my apartment in February. This is a big step for
us – we’re both 27 – and we took a lot of time
making this decision. Now I am finding myself
expecting an engagement ring at any moment,
even though he hasn’t mentioned anything about
getting engaged. I realize that when we decided
to move in together, part of me assumed this
was a precursor to getting married, although we
haven’t talked about it that way. In fact, thinking
back to many of our past conversations, it
seemed that my boyfriend was making the point
that moving in specifically was not a precursor
to marriage (e.g.: “This will just make things
more convenient for us,” and “It makes sense
financially” and “Let’s make sure our parents
don’t get the wrong idea and specifically explain
that we are not engaged…”) So I basically lied
to him by agreeing with his take on the situation
and have been lying to myself ever since. On top
of it all, I keep smashing through my desserts in
the hope of finding a ring at the bottom. Then,
I’m disappointed and kind of mean to him for the
rest of the night. What should I do

-Dessert Disaster

DEAR DESSERT:
First, please try not to be so hard on yourself.
You recognize that you are making your
Boyfriend pay for something he didn’t necessarily
order – that takes a lot of self awareness. You
didn’t lie to him. You entered into the agreement
with your conscious brain saying, “Sure, this
makes sense!” But when your unconscious brain
begins to revolt, it’s not a case of having been
dishonest with Boyfriend, you just were not as
conscious as you might want to be. I’d imagine
you were simply following his lead because the
idea of conflict around this is very frightening to
you. Let’s talk about that.

Many people in relationships are afraid to
ask for what they specifically want. We start
from the standpoint: “I’m not going to get it
anyway.. So, why put myself in a position of
being vulnerable?” But that is what love is, at
its best. Love is about being yourself, claiming
your feelings and making yourself available to
another person. If Boyfriend’s quotes are to be
believed, it sounds like you are partnering up
with someone just as scared of being vulnerable
and honest as you are. I have no idea if your true
wants are the same, but it appears that neither of
you are putting them out there. No wonder it’s
so confusing.

I’d recommend a sincere conversation. As
usual, focus on your own feelings, try not to
point fingers, and remain as calm as possible
so that his defenses do not prevent him from
hearing your message. What’s the message? “It
appears that I want more from this relationship,
and I’d like to know your honest, careful and
specific thoughts about whether that’s something
you want to provide.” Leave it at that. This
doesn’t need to be an all-or-nothing negotiation,
just an all-cards-on-the-table conversation.

DEAR STACY:

My wife doesn’t want to have sex as much
as I want. We have discussed this; we even went
to therapy. Nothing has changed. I am thinking
about maybe having an affair. It would be nothing
emotional, because I still love my wife. My
needs just aren’t being met and she has pushed
me to this. I am worrying about the possible
guilt, however. I wish I could just explain the
situation to her and perhaps she would agree
that I can find someone for sex only? We have
two kids in high school. So, I don’t want to do
anything that puts our family at risk.

–Lonely and Looking

DEAR LONELY:

Thanks for writing in about what I know is
a tough, although common, topic. I hope you
notice that I am responding to “Lonely” and not
“Looking.” I can hear that you are lonely, but I
don’t think “Looking” is who you really want to
be. Let me explain.

People get married for many reasons, but
just sex is never one of them. Especially not for
a father of two who readily admits he still loves
his wife and has tried couples therapy. No, that
person is maybe, possibly and perhaps looking
outside his marriage because he is depressed
and wanting to feel connected to someone,
namely, his wife. I’m sure you already know that
the root of her low sexual desire could be physiological,
emotional or inconclusive. Meanwhile,
you didn’t give numbers. So, we also cannot
rule out that you actually might have an elevated
sex drive with roots that are also physiological,
emotional or inconclusive. In other words, this
is a very subjective subject.

At the end of the day, your wants do not
match up with those of Wife, the one person to
whom you have committed yourself for many
years, created a home with and raised a family.
Wow. That does feel lonely and depressing, and
fantasizing about some new options makes a
lot of sense. But let’s brainstorm for other ideas
(see a doctor together; negotiate a schedule that
meets you both halfway; see a certified sex
therapist) that don’t, as you say, put your family
“at risk.” Because an affair will put your family
at risk. No doubt. Guaranteed.

Trust me, an “unemotional” affair won’t
work out the way you are imagining it could.
Otherwise, you would already have an open
marriage and wouldn’t be asking my opinion.
Even if Wife heard you, understood you and told
you all was well, this decision will change the
way she views you. It also will change the way
she views your family, and – most insidious and
damaging – change the way she sees herself.
That’s a very long road to repair. Do this the
right way. Go back to therapy; go back to talking
about it. Don’t turn this into something that
she’s “pushed” you to do. Make these decisions
together.

Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed professional
counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist
practicing in Georgetown. Her website is www.stacymurphyLPC.
com, and you can follow her on twitter @
StacyMurphyLPC. This column is meant for entertainment
only and should not be considered a substitute for
professional counseling. Send your confidential question
to stacy@georgetowner.com. [gallery ids="102463,120867" nav="thumbs"]

Stacy Notaras Murphy •

DEAR STACY,

My husband was laid off from his job last year and spent eight months looking for some- thing in his old profession (consulting). He finally took a job in sales over the summer, but is now making 30 percent less with this new job and is spending a lot more time at work. We knew all of this before he decided to take the job, and we both said we would live with these challenges, because he really needed to do something.

I’m not writing for advice about how to deal with this life change. It’s a major change, and we’re dealing with it. What I need is advice about how to approach this with our friends and family. My husband has not even allowed me to tell my parents he found a new job. He hasn’t told his own family yet, and we aren’t talking about it with friends or people at our child’s school, all of whom knew he was laid off, have been kind and have asked how things have been going. He tells me that this job is just a “place- holder,” and he doesn’t want people to think that he has changed careers. Someone gave him the advice that it might prevent people from think- ing of him when it comes to jobs in his preferred field. Whether or not I think that’s valid advice (sorry, I really don’t), it’s making it very difficult when people ask me what’s going on. He doesn’t seem to understand that I get that question a lot more often than he does, and that just changing the subject doesn’t work every time.
–Nothing to Say

Dear Nothing to Say,

First, I am very sorry that your family is dealing with this incredibly difficult situation. You are specifically asking for help with managing the outside view of this experience, and that part really sounds like a public relations night- mare. You are the involuntary spokesperson for this organization (aka your family), and as in most corporate crises, your partner (Husband) is too frazzled to really understand the role you’re playing. So I’d advise you to get out of that job. First, though, a little perspective on what Husband might actually be going through.
To me, this sounds like a grief stage – denial. I know we have covered this topic in this space before, but Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s famous five stages of grief (denial, anger, bar- gaining, depression and acceptance) often don’t occur in a manner that is at all linear or time- limited. It is likely that your husband went back to mourning his previous job upon making the decision to take his new position. No matter how upfront and honest you both were about the results of taking a job that requires more time to pay less money, that decision still has its emo- tional shockwaves. Asking you, demanding you to play the PR role with your friends and family is likely part of his denial process.

The good news is that his denial is a process. The bad news is that his denial is his process, so we can’t just talk him out of it or convince him of some new way of looking at it. What we can do is give you some language for excusing yourself from mouthpiece duty.

When those well-meaning folks ask you about his job search, you do not have to lie. Simply follow his script. Say he’s found a place- holder, but that he’s still interested in finding something in XYZ consulting. Then shift the conversation by asking if the person has any leads. You never know, that person just may be waiting for you to ask.

Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed profes- sional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. Her website is www.stacymurphyLPC.com, and you can follow her on Twitter @StacyMurphyLPC. This column is meant for entertainment only, and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacy@georgetowner.com.