Living

Stacy Notaras Murphy • May 21, 2015

Dear Stacy,

I have been married a little over two years, and have lived in D.C. since college. My husband is new to the area and doesn’t have many friends. He’s an introvert, but a great guy and an avid sports fan. He just doesn’t have anyone to go to games with unless someone is visiting us. I, on the other hand, like being social and have a lot of friends. We aren’t starting a family for a few more years, and I want to take advantage of the time because I know making new friends stops when you have kids. My husband and I keep arguing about how much I want to go out. I wish he would have his own things to do, but he just winds up staying home by himself and being passive-aggressive when I get back. What can I do to make this better?

– To party or not to party?

Dear Party:

We can talk about your views on making friends through parenthood another day, but, trust me, it happens. Today your concern is that Husband needs some friends. I know you think that making new connections would be the solution, but that’s not what I read in your situation. I am more concerned about how he takes this out on you.

Staying at home by yourself is a fine choice for a true introvert. If he gets energy that way and actually enjoys himself, huzzah. But it sounds like he is not having a good time, and instead reacts to you (just “being you”) with hostility, veiled and not-so-veiled. Readers of this column know that’s a massive red flag. If he resents you and doesn’t name that so you two can work it out (e.g., have a standing date night, ritualize how you reconnect after an evening apart, set a goal to go out with like-minded couples at least once a month, etc.), then his unresolved feelings are creating a problem in your partnership. That could have a long shelf-life, and I don’t wish that on either of you. Time for an honest conversation.

*Stacy Notaras Murphy (www.stacymurphyLPC.com) is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacymurphyLPC@gmail.com*

Georgetowner •

To experience the Tower Club Tysons Corner, go to the Towers Crescent building and take the elevator to the 14th floor. Then – if you’re a Tower Club member, a ClubCorp member, a member of D.C.’s City Club or attending a private event – take a second elevator to the 17th floor.

General Manager Kara Carmichael discovered only recently that the Towers Crescent architects added that separate trip to the top by design – as a symbolic ascent to the building’s exclusive upper floors.

That “you have arrived” feeling was recently taken up a notch with the completion of the Tower Club’s $2.2 million renovation. But don’t call it a renovation around Carmichael. To her, it was a “reinvention.”

The grand reopening of the 25-year-old club was Jan. 8, with work continuing. The Reinvention Celebration took place April 16.
Gone are the staid hues of an earlier time. The former color scheme of dark woods and fabrics has been swapped out for a palette of light, contemporary colors. New furniture – and upgraded Wi-Fi – is suited to the modern business environment.

The new facilities include a Work Zone; the Touchdown Rooms, for four-to-five-person meetings; and the Crescent Lounge, a new “anytime bar.” The Lobby Lounge has been refreshed and the outdoor terrace dining area – with 360-degree views – expanded.
The name of the club’s new upscale restaurant, Reserve, is a play both on restaurant reservations and the term for a specially aged vintage. The wine selection is extensive and impressive.

Judging from social media, the reinvention has been a hit: “awesome” (the renovation), “stellar” (the menu), “top notch” (the experience). “The only downside was that I’m more accustomed to this in Los Angeles than Northern Virginia…made me homesick,” wrote one reviewer.

Of course, one of the goals was to add members, especially younger and female. The club has more than 1,200 members and, gratifyingly, those who have joined in the past year include a higher percentage of millennials and women than the overall membership.
Another attraction for younger business people and entrepreneurs is the ramped up calendar of events. Coming up, among others: a Bourbon & Bacon Dinner on May 27; Network After Work, hosted by the Young Executive Society on June 3; and a Harvest Cooking Class with Executive Chef Marc Wilson on June 15.

Carmichael, who came to the Tower Club in May 2014 from nearby Chef Geoff’s, pointed out the appeal in today’s business world of giving back. The club is raising money to buy 500 backpacks from Stillbrave, the club’s charity of the year for 2015, for Fairfax County kids with a cancer diagnosis.

Two private events directors are on staff to build that side of the business, including wedding receptions. The Tower Club received five stars in the Weddingwire 2015 Couples’ Choice Awards.

As noted above, the Tower Club has reciprocity with D.C.’s City Club, and members have access to clubs nationwide through its affiliation with Dallas-based ClubCorp, the owner-operator of more than 200 private golf, country, business and alumni clubs, which recently acquired Sequoia Golf.

All in all, the 26 members of the Tower Club’s Advisory Board of Governors should congratulate themselves on a job well done. Transported to the reinvented club, Don Draper of “Mad Men” would probably approve of everything but the business casual dress code.
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Josef Brandenburg •

Standing desks are becoming increasingly popular as the idea that “sitting is the new smoking” gains popularity. By replacing sitting with standing, the thinking goes, you are counteracting the risks of sedentary office work. There is some truth to this, but it’s important to have the whole story, including guidance on how to safely transition to a standing desk.

Problems With Sitting

Sitting is not the problem. But sitting for extended periods of time (60 to 90 minutes or more) without a break seems to lead to tight hips, poor circulation and decreased insulin sensitivity. The decreased insulin sensitivity increases diabetes risk and may result in weight gain or difficulty in losing weight.

Remember: standing in place for hours on end is just as unnatural and potentially problematic as sitting for hours on end. Long periods of standing can damage knee cartilage, cause varicose veins and decrease productivity.

Proper Stand-Up Desk Transition

• Get an adjustable desk. You want to be able to go from standing to sitting when your body needs a break, or for tasks requiring greater concentration. Without the ability to make these transitions – especially in the beginning – you put yourself at a very high risk of injury.

• Stand on a pad. Most offices have thin flooring over concrete, so having something soft will help reduce the risk of foot, back and knee pain.

Alternatives to a Stand-Up Desk

If you decide a stand-up desk isn’t for you, but still want to break up your sitting time, here are two simple suggestions:
• Keep and drink more water at your desk. This kills two birds with one stone: you’ll be better hydrated and you’ll be forced to take walking breaks. Research indicates that as little as two minutes of walking per hour of sitting is enough to reduce your risk of disease.

• Set an alarm to alert you to get up every 50 to 60 minutes. Besides reducing the risks of extended sitting, these breaks help your brain work better. Mini breaks – especially with movement – help people process information and solve problems that have become frustrating.

A best-selling author and fitness expert with 16 years of experience, Josef Brandenburg owns The Body You Want club in Georgetown. Information about his 14-Day Personal Training Experience may be found at TheBodyYouWant.com.

Georgetowner • May 19, 2015

Dear Stacy,

There is more context to this, but I will say that I have stepped outside of my marriage a few times over many years. I have felt guilty about this, and then recommitted myself to being faithful, but then I find myself attracted to other women. I think this is just who I am. My wife is frustrated with my infidelity (she knows about a recent encounter, but not about the long-term affairs I have had) and wants me to see a therapist, but I am not interested in hearing from another female about how I am to blame for the problems in my marriage. If this is just who I am, and I want to still be married, why can’t we make some kind of agreement?

– Agreeing to Disagree

Dear Disagree:

It seems that you can’t “make some kind of agreement” because Wife is “frustrated” with your infidelity. It’s not the answer you want – I get that – but it’s the reason for the standoff. Wife doesn’t want an open marriage, so you don’t get an open marriage. You get a divorce or you get really good at cheating behind the scenes (it sounds like you’re already good at that, but not quite good enough?). Or we can pick Door Number Three. Can you guess what’s behind it? A male therapist. (They exist. If you don’t believe me, I can send you a list.)

I’m suggesting therapy because I think there’s more to the story than: “I’m a serial cheater, that’s just who I am.” Aren’t you curious about why, if that is your essence, you chose to be married in the first place? Wouldn’t you like some language for explaining (to Wife, to Self) why monogamy feels so challenging? A therapist is there to help you understand more about yourself, not to blame you for being that person.

I suspect that Wife is making you feel bad only because she doesn’t know another way to respond when you give her the ultimatum of “This is me, deal with it,” leaving her feeling that she’s not enough for you. Sound familiar, doesn’t it? Each of you is telling the other to be different, or else. This is a standoff, not a partnership. Trust me, you can find a middle space, but you have to seek it out with Wife, not in spite of her.

Stacy Notaras Murphy (www.stacymurphyLPC.com) is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. This column is meant for entertainment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacymurphyLPC@gmail.com.

Josef Brandenburg • May 11, 2015

With so many people saying so many things about weight loss, it can be very hard to separate fact from fiction. Here’s the scoop on five common myths about losing weight:

Myth 1
Cardio helps you lose weight. Activities like a 30-to-60-minute jog don’t help most people lose weight because they make people disproportionately hungry (among other reasons). So if you burn off 500 calories, your body will be hungry for 550 to 600 calories. However, strength and interval training tend to blunt appetite and leave your metabolism elevated for up 36 hours afterward.

Myth 2
Eating five or six small meals will help you lose weight. The research on this is clear: spreading your food out makes people hungrier and less satisfied with what they’re eating – which is only helpful for weight gain. Eating fewer, larger meals is more satisfying, takes less time and is far more effective for weight loss, now and in the future.

Myth 3
More sweat during exercise equals more weight loss. You can take the easiest, least effective workout and do it in a hot, humid room and you’ll sweat profusely. This extra sweat will not result in any meaningful, long-term weight loss, only short-term dehydration. The goal is to keep the goal the goal.

Myth 4
Adding healthy food helps you lose weight. Example: most people could benefit from adding more protein to their diet, but if you simply add a few eggs to your normal blueberry muffin, you’ll probably gain weight. You’re just eating more. Swapping the muffin for a few eggs and some blueberries would get you much better results.

Myth 5
All weight loss is created equal. Most of the time people really want to lose body fat (or get back to their high-school size). These qualities are not easily measured on the scale. A low-calorie diet and cardio can result in half of your weight loss coming from your lean body mass – in other words, everything that isn’t fat – which makes it harder to look toned. It’s also harder to keep off.

A best-selling author and fitness expert with 16 years of experience, Josef Brandenburg owns The Body You Want club in Georgetown. Information about his 14-Day Personal Training Experience may be found at TheBodyYouWant.com.

Sallie Lewis •

With Washington, D.C., in my rear-view, I drove east, watching as the terrain became sparser, yet more vibrant. Wide fields of gold were scattered with grain mills and dandelions. In the distance, a small plane flew low over the countryside.

Talbot County is located on the Delmarva Peninsula, on Maryland’s Eastern Shore, facing more than 600 miles of tidal shoreline. Cassandra Vanhooser, Talbot County’s director of tourism, is a woman who understands both the historical impact and the present-day attraction of the Chesapeake Bay, the nation’s largest estuary.

“The word ‘Chesapeake’ resonates around the world,” she said. Agriculture is an important component of the county’s identity, evidenced by the many farm fields, yet what struck me most were the countless boats outside people’s homes and businesses – symbols of pride and purpose that bind the communities of Talbot County together.

Since the late 17th century, the region has been inextricably linked to the water that surrounds it. That sentiment hasn’t changed, according to Vanhooser. “The maritime history is still alive and well,” she said.

At just under two hours from D.C., Talbot County’s culture exhibits a more relaxed, nostalgic filter than its bustling, politically charged counterpart. People craving the quiet allure of small, historic settings love traveling here, as do boatmen, artists and cyclists.

I stopped in Easton first. Established in 1710, the town remains the county seat, in addition to being a center for arts and culture. I went straight to the Academy Art Museum, where the exhibition “From Rubens to the Grand Tour,” on view through July 5, focuses on two paintings by 16th-century master Peter Paul Rubens. In addition, colorful portraits by California artist Ray Turner brighten the Museum’s Lederer Gallery.

Talbot County’s titillating natural backdrop is celebrated in festivals and events throughout the year. This summer, from July 11 to 19, the town will host the 11th annual Plein Air Festival. Named for the French term for ‘open air,’ the festival is the largest outdoor painting competition in the nation. In 2015, 58 of the world’s premier plein-air painters will compete for over $25,000. Another event is the Chesapeake Chamber Music Festival, celebrating its 30th anniversary this year, when it will take place from June 7 to 21.

From Easton, I traveled south to the quaint town of Oxford. Since colonial times, Oxford residents have wrapped their yards with signature white picket fences of varying designs. These fences are blanketed in rose bushes, lavender hydrangeas and other flora. My visit wasn’t complete until I sampled homemade ice cream from Scottish Highland Creamery. The owner, Victor Barlow, and his wife, Susan, use local ingredients, fresh milk and cream, along with Italian flavorings. In Oxford, I felt as if I’d jumped into a chalk drawing, a la Mary Poppins.

I crossed the Tred Avon River on the Oxford-Bellevue Ferry, America’s oldest privately owned ferry (1683), and drove to St. Michaels. The town is home to a cluster of lovely shops and restaurants, in addition to the Chesapeake Bay Maritime Museum. The museum, which sits on 18 waterfront acres, has 12 exhibit buildings, a working boat barn, the 1879 Hooper Strait Lighthouse and the world’s largest collection of traditional Bay boats. It’s a place designed to share the heritage of the region, from oystering to waterfowling and boatbuilding. This year marks the institution’s 50th anniversary; from May 22 to 24, the community will commemorate the history of the Chesapeake Bay with activities and events, including a party on May 23.

Before driving back to D.C., I had lunch at the town’s famous Crab Claw restaurant, overlooking St. Michaels Harbor. Also celebrating its 50th anniversary this year, the restaurant will have food and drinks specials, music, trivia and giveaways on May 22.

Still farther south is Tilghman Island, accessible via the Knapps Narrows Drawbridge, the nation’s oldest operating drawbridge. Tilghman Island is home to a working watermen’s community, with sport fishing, charter cruises and lighthouse tours available to visitors.

Whether you have a whole weekend or just a day, Talbot County is a premier escape, one that recalibrated my mind and relaxed my soul. It can do the same for you.
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Caitlin Franz • May 7, 2015

Anne Albert finds stability in the community at the Georgetown Senior Center, housed on Mondays and Fridays in St. John’s Church.

“My father was Navy growing up and my husband was much older, and he passed away,” she said. “So I didn’t have many friends.”

Albert found herself bored after retiring. She expressed this to a friend, who referred her to the Georgetown Senior Center. She has now been a member for 20 years.

“I can’t believe I’ve been retired this long,” she said. “I can’t believe I lived this long. All I wanted to do was be 21.”

Albert makes time to use her creative talents to give back to the community. She crochets blankets for an organization called Christ’s Child that provides assistance to unwed mothers. She makes hats and scarves for inner-city kids.

“I also make two martinis a night,” she said with a laugh.

Her fiercely fun personality and unapologetic nature make Albert the life of the party at the group’s twice-weekly meetings. “I still can’t remember everyone’s name,” she said. “I’ll ask the question and not listen to the answer. But I’ve done that since I was a kid.”

Her clear blue eyes light up when she laughs or smiles, mostly at herself, revealing a charming humility. Albert’s positive attitude was only dimmed when she learned of the recent dip in senior center membership.

“I enjoy the companionship of other people,” she said.

The Georgetown Senior Center offers a variety of activities, including exercise classes, visits by comedians, performances and social events. Volunteers prepare and deliver food to the church for members’ lunches.

When asked what her favorite part of the organization was, she answered with one word: “Everything.”

The GBA networking reception on May 20 at Lululemon will benefit the Georgetown Senior Center.

Peter Murray •

District restaurants may boast menus featuring local, organic foods, but if you want the real thing, the freshest food out there, head to the source (or close to it) in Middleburg, Virginia. Artisanal food is plentiful there and in nearby Upperville and The Plains, all about an hour from Washington, D.C. These small towns offer not only an abundance of country charm, but also a plethora of fresh foods in their quaint restaurants, inns, groceries and butcher shops.

Here are a few highlights of the artisanal and organic food offerings in the Middleburg area:

The Hunter’s Head Tavern

The Hunter’s Head is a must-see – and must-eat – attraction in Upperville. Originally built as a log cabin in 1750, this English pub-themed restaurant maintains all the charm and character of the 1700s in its ambience and décor, with original log-cabin walls, fireplaces, floors and mantels. While those are the most striking features when one enters, the food is the real selling point here.

The menu leans heavily toward English fare: meat pies and sausage dishes, sometimes with an American twist (sweet-potato biscuits with gravy, for instance). There are also a number of internationally-inspired dishes, including vegetable curry, whole-wheat pizza, risotto bites and stroganoff (topped with melt-in-your-mouth veal). The menu uses icons to tell patrons which items are made with organic and local ingredients, the large majority falling into one or both categories. The Hunter’s Head team prides itself on the local-ness of their food, even displaying a map of vendors by the restaurant’s entrance to show customers where their food is coming from.

The Hunter’s Head Tavern, 9048 John S. Mosby Hwy., Upperville. Monday through Sunday, 11:30 a.m. to 9:30 p.m. (opens 11 a.m. on Sunday for brunch). 540-592-9020

The Whole Ox

Housed in an old train station, the Whole Ox is owned and operated by Derek and Amanda Luhowiak, two impressively badass characters living their dream of butchering humanely-raised local meat. “We carry humanely raised, antibiotic and hormone free meat from our neighboring farms and various small distributors around the country,” the duo says on the company website. Their offerings include beef, lamb, chicken, turkey and a huge, ever-changing selection of sausage.

6364 Stuart St., The Plains. Tuesday through Saturday, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
540-253-5600

The Home Farm Store

The Home Farm Store, the outlet for meats and produce from nearby Ayrshire Farm, is becoming as much of an institution as the former bank that it occupies. Located in the heart of Middleburg, the store sells Certified Humane and Certified Organic pork, beef, veal, chicken and turkey. Larger orders for special occasions include succulent meats and delicious, inventive side dishes. The Home Farm Store also sells local wines, ciders, honeys, jams and fresh-baked goods, and sandwiches for lunch.

1 E. Washington St., Middleburg. Seven days a week, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. (until 7 p.m. on Friday). 540-687-8882 [gallery ids="102024,134912" nav="thumbs"]

Theodore Putala •

As a barman, I do not get to travel for my wine-related work. Yet I’m often thinking of maps and countryside. My wine information comes largely through importers, the people who fly to France, hire a driver, visit wine regions, taste, buy, ship.

A good importer’s website, like that of local Wine Traditions – offering excellent wine, often from off the beaten paths – yields condensed information, pictures, a general sense of land, grape, grower and wine. Wine importers tell great stories, and, of course, to find good wine, there is nothing like paying a visit to a promising vineyard.

The sommeliers who do get to travel are another source of information. The excellent Facebook page of Julian Mayor, sommelier of Bourbon Steak, reveals extensive far-flung travels to wine regions of note (which some of the rest of us look upon with envy). There are pictures of distant lands, tasting rooms, vineyards, wine-making operations. The rest of us get to taste, if we’re lucky; Julian visits in person, learning all the while.

One might even garner a good general sense of things watching the Tour de France on television, as the aerial coverage will quite often linger over chateau and vineyard. You can see the lay of the land, how vines fit in.

Wine books are, for good reason, filled with pictures, with detailed geological maps down to the layers of soil underneath.

The grape must be a wise creature. Its lives attract us, country boy or not. One too-hot-to-move summer day in D.C. an out-of-town friend coaxes me to come along on a trip to the Virginia wine country, and as soon as we are out on the hillside of Three Foxes, yes, I get it. Further on, we make an enjoyable visit to Linden, simply refreshing. We are a part of the land again, understanding the human scale in nature’s surroundings.

And then there are the pros at this, people who’ve developed an interest in wine organically over the years of their careers, who then combine talents to offer for the rest of us wine tours of the most intelligent, circumspect and rewarding kind. Annette and Christian Schiller of Ombiasy PR and Wine Tours are a husband-and-wife team, organizer and blogger respectively, with a shared passion.

So where, to what fresh air, do you want to go? And with whom would you like to travel? [gallery ids="102056,134556,134557" nav="thumbs"]